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View Full Version : Help me with my little brother(Long Post)


Spike21
07-05-2000, 12:06 PM
I'm concerned about my little brother. He's 10 and he's got quite a temper. It comes from the fact that my two younger sisters ALWAYS boss him around and tell him what to do and they're mean to him. He has no one younger than him to boss around and so he is absolutely Hell-bent on revenge toward my two sisters and gets extremely mad about stupid things. He has so much anger inside of him that he has no way to get rid of. I try to be his ally in the situation and try to let him know that he has a friend in me, but I don't see it making any progress. I've talked to both of my sisters and asked them to be nicer to him and use the "golden rule" towards him and let him be a little kid. But after 1 day of trying to be nice they give up. I want to talk to my parents because I'm seriously concerned that he may grow up and shoot up his high school, or hurt someone because he is so angry. But I'm not sure how to word what I say to them. I don't want to go to them and when I talk to them, have my end of the conversation appear like I'm accusing them of being bad parents. I'm not saying that they are. I'm saying that I'm concered for their son and my brother. He really is a good kid and to see him so angry hurts me. I'd also feel amazingly guilty if I felt this way right now when he's 10, and I do nothing. If he grows up and does something awful, and I felt that something should have been done and I do nothing. Knowing that I could have prevented it would kill me inside. I'd always live with the guilt of knowing I could have prevented it, and I didn't.
My sister just younger than me thinks he needs therapy. We can't afford therapy. I made a effort a year ago to respect him and be his friend, and he is nice to me. We have our tiffs don't get me wrong, and we do drive each other nuts at times, but he isn't Hell-bent on revenge toward me. He respects me and I respect him. I feel that if my sisters do the same for a couple months he would change his attitude towards them and start to respect them. My sister says that she doesn't ever see that happening. SHE thinks that if he goes into therapy, and gets friends of substance then he'll change. That isn't true. If change is involved she'll need to do some too. She is REALLY bossy and doesn't see that she is. She just sees herself as doing what she feels my parents are lacking in discipling. My parents have raised 5 kids. My sister hasn't had any. My Parents raised me very well, so why would their parenting skills decrease over the years. I think that they know what they are doing. I'm just frustrated and don't know what to do.

Sorry for the rant. I just really needed to vent. I don't know what to do.

Elegantly Wasted
07-05-2000, 12:29 PM
I have an adopted son. He's 11 now, but has been with us since he was 6. He used to get so angry that he'd tense up, turn red and shake. It worried me. Apparently, the home that he had been in discouraged showing any form of anger.
We have a rule in our family. You're allowed to be pissed off. You're allowed to slam doors and stomp up the stairs... as long as nothing gets broken, or nobody gets hurt. He still gets really mad at stupid things, but he gets over the anger quickly. In minutes. He vents then he moves on.

Sibling rivalry is normal... if that's what this is. If not, and your sisters are truly abusing him, then do step in and make your parents aware of your fears..
and maybe dig up a few articles about what can happen to kids that are constantly taunted and teased, and show them to your parents AND your sisters. What are their ages?

How do your parents encourage your brother to deal with anger? This is important. He must be able to let it out..

I know how scary this can be... we read about these things all the time. At one point I was truly worried about my son and what he was capable of. He's a very different boy now that we allow him to get it out of his system. He's also become quite capable of standing up for himself.

Spike21
07-05-2000, 01:07 PM
My sisters are 18 and 14. The 18 year old one was the one that doesn't think that he can change and thinks that he need therapy.

Sibling rivalry. My sisters are constatntly criticizing him. Ordering him around, and yelling at him. They get pissed off when he runs around the house playing. Every little kid has run around the house yelling and playing. There is nothing wrong with that, but they think that he should be quiet and not act like a child should. I've told them and my parents have told them that this is NORMAL behavior for a 10 year old boy, but they insist that he "Shut up". My parents allowed them to be children. Why can't they let their little brother be one too. So I don't know that it's sibling rivalry. I think that it's deeper than that.

My parents haven't taught us good anger management skills. If I was upset as a child and slammed my door, I got yelled at. So I know that they aren't teaching good skills, but if I go to them and say that I'm afraid that they will take my well meaning concern for telling them that they are bad parents.

I'm just not sure how to word my side of things without sounding like a jerk. I want to come across as a caring, concerned sister that has everone's best interests in mind. How can I word this?

Elegantly Wasted
07-05-2000, 05:52 PM
You sound like you are a wonderful big sister. Even if your parents do take you the wrong way, and feel like you are questioning thier parenting skills, you will at least make them think a little...give them some food for thought.
They may look at things in a different way.