"Feberizing"

[chloe dancer]

A couple of people asked in another thread what this term meant. It is a method of getting your little darlings to sleep through the night developed by Dr Richard Ferber. His book was recommended to me by my pediatrician. The method is so popular I thought it deserved its own thread. Feel free to share your experiences with this or anything else sleep related here. Sometimes I come across a tidbit about this or an interview with him etc if I find more I will go ahead and post it :)


*********************************************
Dr. Ferber's Progressive Waiting (and Impressive Crying) Approach

Dr. Richard Ferber, Director of the Center for Pediatric Sleep Disorders at Children's Hospital in Boston, wrote the popular book, Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems.

His technique, known as "Ferberizing," involves establishing a soothing, pre bedtime ritual, then putting the baby into the crib while she is still awake. She may cry or fuss at first, but only by putting her into the crib while awake can she learn to get to sleep on her own.

Once you've laid her down, be firm and matter-of-fact. Tuck her in, kiss her good night and leave the room. If she cries (and yes, she likely will), wait a predetermined amount of time before going in to check on her. Most parents choose to start with five minutes. Wait your allotted five minutes before going in to check on your child. Speak to her, comfort her, but do not pick her up. Once this is done, leave the room. Yes, she will still be crying. And once you leave the room she will likely raise the decibel levels. (It is helpful for parents to warn nearby neighbors before they begin the "ferberizing" process.) Increase your waiting time by five minutes. You must now wait ten minutes before going in to soothe your child.

If you can't bear the sound of your child crying (and what parent can?), this will be a long ten minutes. Once ten minutes have passed, go back in and do just what you did before. Talk with your child, rub her back, but do not pick her up. Leave the room, and don't come back for 15 minutes, then don't come back for 20 minutes, etc.

Continue this process until, eventually, your child falls asleep. Repeat the process the next night, and the next, until your child can fall asleep on her own, shedding nary a tear. Sound impossible? According to Dr. Ferber it should only take about one week. (But what a week it will be!)


http://www.babyzone.com/parenting/sleep/sleep_experts.asp?PageNum=3

[chloe dancer]

I like this method becuase it seems most appropriate for children. I didnt feel like I was being mean or neglectful like I would have had I followed the outdated advice of some of my inlaws like 'just let him cry it out'.

I started doing this with my son when he was about 18 months old. It was a very trying process as I had just moved him to a big boy bed and he was very articulate. But I had gotten into the awful habit of laying with him every night when he was a baby. Some nights it was ok he passed out in 5 minutes but more often than not he didnt want to sleep and I found myself laying in his bed for upwards of 2 hours shushing him and trying to keep him from fooling around and trying to play with me. It sucked and I needed the time to myself for studying or sanity purposes. It took a few days for him to be able to go to bed on his own like a big boy. The first few nights were hell. But in the end we were all better off.

With my daughter I was older and wiser ;) I started doing this when she was about 6 months old. What a difference! She only cried for 6 or 7 minutes the first night maybe 2or 3 the second night and by the third not a peep out of her.

I think they key is to start before they really know enough to get upset.

I try to do the same thing with my kids every night-

*supper
*play
*bath
*books
*bedtime

granted more than half the time book time gets replaced with movietime becuase my husband and i are so tired ourselves but the bathtime is key for us, it helps them relax and its nice family time too.

With the baby after her book I rock her for 2 minutes with her favorite blanky than I put her in her crib and wind up a musical thingy ma jig and leave the room.

With my son who is now 4 I rub his back, tell him what a nice time I had playing, cooking, or something with him and tell him to get lots of rest so we can; play with a friend, go to school, visit family etc the next day. He also has a stuffed animal and blanket he sleeps with.

[grumpydawn]

I did not have the patience to Ferber my 2nd child due to colic. She was in too much pain between 7:30pm- 11:30pm. Consequently- she hated to sleep in the crib.


My 1st child did wonderfully with Ferbering and happily moved from crib to bed @ 20 months.


It just takes time and patience on the parents part.


Routine helps children feel secure.

[stupidANDcontagious]

lol I read the title of this thread and thought it said, "Febreezing." Like, what, do you spray your kids or something?

At what age does Dr. Ferber suggest starting the technique?

[chloe dancer]

thats a good question ill see if i can dig up the answer somewhere.

personally i would start when the baby was about 5 or 6 months old and doesnt really know the difference.

unless you are an advocate of the family bed. its really preference. but with this method i think as soon as you get your baby on a solid schedule you can start.

my son slept with me for almost the whole first year of his life. when i had my daughter i found 2 children hanging off me all day so demanding that come night time i really needed my personal space. i allow the kids to come in bed withe me if they wake up during the night so long as its like after 4:30 am.

by then ive had enough stretched out rest and personal time *wink wink* with my man :)

[Vik]

I've heard the concept, but never heard that term before.

[grumpydawn]

I share naptime with my kids- I go to work @ 3pm. We all get in my bed and my husband wakes us up when he gets home from work. But, in the evening, both kids sleep in their own beds.


I found my happy medium.:)

[syvvie]

i did this with my daughter when she was somewhere between 8 and 10 months. i had a problem similar to yours, FastestSlug: i would lay her down in her crib, then i would lay down on the couch in her room until she finally fell asleep. it got pretty frustrating pretty fast, and it took up a lot of the time i could've used for cleaning up or just doing something for myself. it was tough at first, to hear her crying and forcing myself not to go in for another 5 minutes or 10 minutes, but it was really better for all of us in the end.

and grumpydawn is right: it does require a lot of time and patience, and a normal routine does help a lot. every night ours is bath, snack, brush teeth, read a story, go to sleep. if you're consistant, it can make a world of difference.

[Cassiopei]

Well here is my problem, My 5 month old wont even sleep through the night. She needs a bottle or two during the night. I would like to do this with her but I only have one room for the kids and my two year old sleeps in there. Eventually they will share a room. I just don't know when to start putting her in there, she will wake the older one. Anyone here have this experience. We can't afford to move to another home and I would like to know from others how they managed to get both kids to sleep at night in one room.

[chloe dancer]

i am just boosting this becuase "ferberizing" was brought up in another thread:)

[Circusgirl]

I never had to do "ferberizing" because I never rocked my daughter to sleep. I knew from babysitting experiences that it was a big "no-no" to do that.
It is so easy to rock/pat a 6 month old to sleep...several months later they have the capability to keep themselves awake, act obnoxious and then your're into power struggles.
I think as FS said, parents in general wait too long to do things-you really have to start SO early...
For instance..people say to me "HOW do you get your daughter to sit still to get her hair done????" Well, she's African American-there is NO choice, but she's been getting her hair styled everyday since she was about 4 months old...she has never known any different. Sure, if you wait until your kid is one to put a barrette in-they're going to rip it out. At 4 months my daughter didn't require that much haircare, but it was the routine that was important and the feeling of having her hair combed out,etc.
I've also found that if you kind of start the firm discipline when they're one, you don't have as many problems when they're two. Too many of my friends are overly enchanted with their one-year olds and then heartbroken when the kids turn that "devilish" corner at around 18-20 months. By then, it's kind of hard to reign them back in if they're totally not intimidated by you.
OK, I know I sound like a parent from the '50s, but I'm really not that bad!

[St. Theresa]

With my son who is now 4 I rub his back, tell him what a nice time I had playing, cooking, or something with him and tell him to get lots of rest so we can; play with a friend, go to school, visit family etc the next day. He also has a stuffed animal and blanket he sleeps with.
What a good mommy! :)

I never heard the term, "Feberizing," but we tried that same sort of tactic with my son. Seemed like common sense. We probably didn't give it enough time, because I have recollections of rocking him to sleep, then placing him ever-so-gently in the crib and tip-toeing out of the room, hoping he wouldn't wake up. He was tenacious, that kid. It was an entire year before he slept through the night, too.

I don't remember any sleeping problems with my daughter, except for those middle of the night feedings. I do remember when she got tall enough to kick my crotch while breast-feeding (I'd feed her lying down in the middle of the night.) God, that sucked!

[chloe dancer]

wow, when i posted that he was 4, he will be 6 in september. where does the time go?

xoxo

[I Am Cool]

I've never heard the term before either, but I'm familiar with the concept. I learned about it through babysitting. It wasn't difficult for me because their parents were doing it and it wasn't my child. But then, she was a good baby.

I'm a little confused by what ya'll mean about a family bed. Do you actually sleep wtih your infant IN the bed? I'd be afraid that I'd roll over on top of it. Some friends of mine and my SO have a thing they call "baby-bump-out". The guy made it himself out of wood and it's all lined and soft on the part where baby sleeps. It's as tall as the bed, and the baby doesn't have to sleep IN the bed with you, but if the baby fusses then you can just roll over and you don't have to get up.

[LavenderSession]

This topic is so awesome. I am such a softie when it comes to my daughter crying. I just feel so bad. I'd never really read about ferberizing because it was for "older infants." Is 4 months old too young, you think? I am so ready to have my bed back, especially because she is such a bed hog!

[ralewarga]

My first child was a great sleeper. Other than putting him to bed awake - he pretty much slept through the night all on his own - without much fuss. Then came the little red-headed baby girl who screamed for 4 months straight. Loved that baby-girl but after 6 months of getting up at least 2-3 times a night - with the older brother usually up by 6 or so - I was ready to call in the psychiatric team. Sleep derpived and desperate enough I took a course offered at a local parenting place on helping your child sleep through the night.

The short version is that you basically let baby cry it out. You can build in checks every 45 minutes or so - but these are only to reassure parents. Baby will be fine (and she was). I boycotted the checks, knowing my baby girl would scream even louder should she see me NOT picking her up. Turns out this was the right approach.

Night one was horrible. Not only did baby pretty much scream all night (except for about a 2 hour sleep), but daddy and I hardly slept. I felt tlike the worst mother in the world the next morning. Her eyes were all puffy and her voice sounded rough.

Night two was better, though. Other than some fuss when falling asleep, she only woke once, cried a little, and got herself back to sleep. By the end of night 3 she was going to sleep on ther own (about 7-8pm), sleeping thought the night, and waking after 7 or 8 am. She settle into a predictable 2 nap a day pattern all on her own, too.

It was so worth it and I don't think she'll remember. Alternatively, the mom's I know who've done Ferber say it took at least a couple of weeks to get baby to sleep. You be the judge.

[Charles:]

Wow V...you're getting old ;)

[Teriroc]

I did that with Kaylee and it worked beautifully. Too bad Julianna isn't into it at all.

[Deepblueyes86]

I have a four mth old. do you think that is to early to start ?