the family bed~did/do your kids sleep with you?

[Clementine]

we just bought a king sized bed to accomodate our two month old. it's called ETHAN'S bed now!
the cradle is now where he plays, and the crib has been rendered useless.
basically, he sleeps a lot better for a lot longer in bed with us. i'm exhausted, so whatever works! plus, i can't stand it if i think he's upset and all alone! when he's twelve i'll probably change my mind!
who else has dealt with this?

rishta

[angeles]

Sorry, but it is NOT a good thing to make continuous use of the "family" bed. I just got my own son (3 y/o) to start sleeping in his own bed and he would still MUCH rather sleep with me, or my parents. Lately the only time I let him sleep with someone is if I am feeling too lazy to actually tuck him in (not often), or if I'm in a rather good mood, or if he wakes in the middle of the night and is upset. You're setting yourself up for problems because what happens when you and you S/O want to be intimate? That can be a big problem.

Just a lil advice.

-angeles

[nicANDjethro]

i've been told/read about the same thing...

it's not a good idea to get them used to sleeping with you...

months turn in to YEARS.

seriously!

they have to learn to be independent, and sleeping with you will become something that they rely on...

of course, i don't have kids...so i could be totally wrong here....

but, family members who let this happen are regretting it, because their toddlers are still sleeping with them!

:)

good luck!
nic

[chloe dancer]

i am a big advocate for the family bed if its what you want. i dont believe all the "problems" that come along with it.

we are kind of half a family bed i guess? my son falls asleep in his bed but usually comes into our room about 3 am. it doesnt bother me and now that he is too big to climb in with us he just lays down on a blanket on the floor.

also, babies dont know the difference for the first six months of life. so do whatever is easiest for you at least for now!

:e

[Clementine]

i just read that five months is the age that's appropriate for setting up bedtime 'rules' such as 'ferberizing'
he's so young i feel there's no way he's able to manipulate a situation. so, for the next little while i think i'mjust going to do whatever i can to keep him feeling secure. perhaps if i can get him used to daytime sleeping alone first, then work on night time.
i do get what you're saying angeles and nic, but i gotta have some sleep!
oh, and there's plenty of other places than the bed at night for intimacies! ;)

[Vik]

Didn't. Don't want to in the future. How's mama gonna get some w/the kid in the bed...? ;)

[soMnUS]

My baby is 4 1/2 months and he sleeps in his own room for the past month. He slept in our room but in a basinet. I had a Caesarean so it was VERY nice to have him close by for the first while. After about a month I started losing sleep however because I would wake up if he sighed or yawned or breathed slightly louder.<br>My 4 yr. old sleeps in his own room and doesn't wake us up in the middle of the night because he's been sleeping on his own since the same age as our baby. I suppose it just depends on what you're willing to tolerate.

[nicANDjethro]

although i think it's a bad idea to keep a baby in bed with you for a long period of time...

i seriously think i'll have them with me, in bed, while they're really little...especially if i breastfeed.

i think that they really benefit from being close when they're really little...

i just think it's a bad idea when it becomes an issue for them to sleep on their own...

nic

[bear]

Originally posted by FastestSlug

also, babies dont know the difference for the first six months of life. so do whatever is easiest for you at least for now!

:e

my thoughts exactly! getting out of bed to breastfeed every two hours ain't happening. and for me, they started out in the bassinet RIGHT next to the bed but after that first feeding of the night, forget about it! if you breastfeed, learn how to do it laying down!

when mine were 6 months i started using the crib. at first just for naps and then full on. worked fine. my 5 year old daughter only comes in now when she has a nightmare and i relish it because when will i ever get the chance to snuggle up to that warm sweet smelling sleeping child again once she grows up!

bear

[Kudra]

Originally posted by Vik
Didn't. Don't want to in the future. How's mama gonna get some w/the kid in the bed...? ;) it's called locking your bedroom door when you're planning on getting some action... ;)

i guess i'm coming at this from the perspective of a child who routinely slept in either her parents or grandmother's bed growing up... i would go to sleep in my own bed, but if i woke up during the night, i would make my way to one of their rooms for the rest of the night... it was extremely comforting and i felt closer to them... so it can facilitate bonding...

my father died when i was 4... it may sound strange, but i'm glad that i got to spend that extra time with him, even if i was only sleeping... i'm glad that i can now look back and remember him being the kind of parent that was okay with us sleeping in his bed... and, of course, after he died, my older brother and i almost always ended up in my mom's bed if we woke up... it was really important for us during the grieving process... it helped us heal as a family...

i had no problems with independence (ask my mother ;))... i had no problems adjusting to sleeping alone (i initiated the move from my mom's bed by age 6)... i was never afraid of sleeping alone or of the dark... i fail to see how sleeping in my parents bed was harmful to me...

yeah, it probably screwed up their sex life a bit, but i figure if they managed to have 2 more kids after me, then they had enough good lovin'... ;)

beth :p

[Ryoko!]

I plan on using a bassinette right next to my bed. I figure it's going to be so much easier than going to a separate room several times a night. My friend is doing the whole nursery thing...I don't think I'd sleep at night with my newborn in another room (after a year). After I'm finished breastfeeding he'll have his own room. I'm sure I'll end up putting him in our room anyways...:p I remember when we had our cat and my hubby didn't like her sleeping with us...heh.

You can't spoil a baby!!! :)

[ej]

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We had a bassinet in our bedroom for the first several months, then moved the baby once she'd outgrown it into a crib in her own room. She falls asleep in our bed, usually, but if she's fussy during the night, she gets to go back to sleep in her crib, not with us. In the morning, she has a wake-up drink of juice, and gets to nap in our bed again until it's time for breakfast. Our older boy used to make his way into our room a lot of nights until he was about 6. My wife didn't mind, but I found it disturbing ... I like to have at least a LITTLE privacy.
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[stupidANDcontagious]

My favorite time of the day is the early morning when it's just the three of us in bed. Husband, teeny boy, and me. I'll feed Vincent then he'll play with daddy right up until he has to get ready for work. I love waking up and seeing my two boys snoozing, especially since my son looks so much like his dad when he sleeps.

The Family Bed and Attachment Parenting is a personal choice and has both its pros and cons. You can read every book available and talk to friends but when it comes down to it, you will know what's right and what's not when you have a baby.

We have a bassinet in our bedroom and a Moses basket which he naps in during the day. Vincent sleeps great in his crib in his room as well, so there is no lack of intimacy in our bedroom. :e If we want to stretch out all we have to do is put him in his crib, turn on his aquarium or mobile and he is a happy little melon head and mommy and daddy can have the bed to themselves again. It's not a matter of either or yet, but I know there will come a time when a habit will be made.

My son (who'll be 2 months on the 19th) is still very young, and we intend on keeping him in our bed for a long time. I cherish the time I have with my little family, especially since it goes by too quickly. It feels like just yesterday I had him and now he is laughing and rolling over.

Like Ryoko said, you can't spoil a baby, especially in the first 6 months.

[Ryoko!]

Originally posted by stupidANDcontagious
My favorite time of the day is the early morning when it's just the three of us in bed. Husband, teeny boy, and me. I'll feed Vincent then he'll play with daddy right up until he has to get ready for work. I love waking up and seeing my two boys snoozing, especially since my son looks so much like his dad when he sleeps.



OMG...I can't wait to see that here at my house!

[grumpydawn]

I found it necessary to sleep- so I breastfed while in bed for the first 4 months. Ferberizing requires putting a baby down for increments. We started with my son around 6 months. He would sleep until 2am when he would be fed again and rocked back to sleep. Then it was back into the crib. We moved him into a twin size bed around 18 months to prep him for the arrival of his sister. He is a great sleeper. His sister, on the other hand, fought being in a crib the whole way. We finally moved her into a twin bed around 14 months.

I continue the family bed at naptime- everyone seems to be content.

[LavenderSession]

My brother and sister-in-law let my nephew sleep in their bed until about the time he was 2. Then they started putting him in his own bed and he really didn't have that many problems with it.

As far as intimacy goes. I asked my sister-in-law about that one time and she said they would just do it on the floor or in the living room. lol

[hot kachina]

I am ALL for the family bed, and thankfully, so is my fiancee. Taylor will be 6 in March 03 and he has slept in the same bed with me every night of his life except when I was in the hospital with pneumonia last year. I don't believe in all that Febrezing crap. Sleeping with my son is comforting to both of us and I will continue to do it until Tay decides he wants his own bed (which he has, in another room.) I love being half asleep and touching his sweet warm face, and making sure he's not kicking off his blankets....so many things are wonderful about a family bed.

The people that are against it use all these EXCUSES and warnings...but I really don't care. If you don't want to have a family bed, don't. But I wouldn't trade it for the world.

[St. Theresa]

Frankly, when I have a special guest in my house, I'm not interested in sharing the bed with him AND kids.

Nope.

Aside from that, I don't want them in there snoring, drooling, kicking me and stealing my blankets. I stopped being paranoid about their breathing several years ago.

HOWEVER, in their first few months of life, it was actually a good thing, especially where breastfeeding was concerned. Anytime a baby would wake me up, I just rolled over and let 'em milk the <i>udder</i> side. When breastfeeding was no longer an issue, I gradually got them used to sleeping in their own space without a problem.

Then I had to work on getting their father out of the bed.

:p