Dealing with your S.O.'s child(ren)

[angeles]

I've been meaning to post about this for a while. I don't know how many of you all have to deal with step-children... My b/f and I have been together for 2 years now, and we will more than likely marry one of these days. He has a 5 y/o son from a previous relationship. My b/f's son spends every other weekend with him and his parents. Which, inevitably means I spend time with him. And don't get me wrong, he is a wonderful child, very bright, loving, sweet, but DAMN he can be a brat! My son loves my b/f's son to death and I know that it is mutual thing. My problem is a lot of the time, I prefer my own son over his... I don't love them the same, and I guess I should, or at least I should love his son more than I do. And I feel this can become a problem between me and my b/f sooner or later. I just have no clue what to do... I think things would be different if he had custody of his son and was able to rear him the way he wanted. But I just don't know... Any advice? I really want to be able to feel the same way about him as I do my own son.

-angeles

[Ryoko!]

I don't think you'll ever feel the way about his other son than the one you (and your SO) share together. There's NOTHING wrong with that. I have been in relationships where there are "other" children involved, and although I really enjoyed spending time with them most of the time i have to admit that I would have rather not.

I think as long as you are civil to him, and don't treat him like he's an outsider (it's pretty hard for him to accept you too...keep that in mind!) I think you'll be just fine. Your pretty lucky to have an SO that wants to be involved with his other child, I had to be the one to fight my Ex to spend time with his own son- most of the time he'd just get dumped on me, I felt so bad for him.
Just treat him the same as you son, or as you would like someone to treat your son if you were in his ex's position. As long as you can do that, I don't think much more should be expected of you.

[Vik]

I also dont think it's possible to feel the same for his son as you do for your own, at least not w/him lot living with him/you.

I've only dated 1 guy w/a kid, and his kid lived w/him. I loved that boy. Dearly. I wanted to be his mom. But again, it was different as he wasn't just around on occassion.

Anyway, I don't have any advise, but I'm happy that you're wanting to make an effort. That's truly wonderful....