Favorite Jessica Simpson Quotes

[Scarlett Rose]

Got one? My new fave:


"23 is old, it's almost 25 which is almost mid-twenties!"

Man, she could easily be one of Homer's offspring.

[Fox in Socks]

i dont eat buffalo. oh they're not buffalo? then why do they call the buffalo wings?

she's even stupider because she thinks it's hilar that people laugh at her stupidity. it's a vicious cycle.

[Christine]

I have got to see this show!

[Fox in Socks]

thankfully, ive never seen the show,i'd probably have to beat the telly. there were a bunch of quotes in some entertainment mag this week.

my coworkers daughter was simpson's wrangler at the mtv awards and said she is truly as dopey as she is on the show. her husband must be getting a multitude of shags on the side.....at least i hope!

[Scarlett Rose]

"Isn't it plata-ma-pus? I always thought it was plata-ma-pus."

[DaintyLilPeanut]

yeah, denali, i was just going to say that she is super jealous and well, she shouldn't waste her time because he is poking whatever he wants while her back is turned. sad really. why would he marry someone that is not a mental challenge? does he really think that he is going to be in a 60 year committed marriage. hah!

[Fox in Socks]

id be impressed with 60 months!!!

[Scarlett Rose]

from www.tibbysbowl.com

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL RETARDS

Every time I think Reality TV is dead, another show bounds onto the boob tube that makes me drool.

“Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica” has a camera crew follow around the two pop tarts during their first months of matrimony. Nick Lachey was in the boy band 98 degrees. I’m not sure how famous they were. I remember seeing their Valentines Day cards at Target. They must have had a following. Jessica Simpson is probably best remembered for being Kelso’s beach bunny on “That Seventies Show.”

Before happening upon this show, all I knew about the couple was that Jessica Simpson refused to give up the nookie to Nick until their wedding night. She wasn’t like that whore Britney Spears. And they dated for four years until they got hitched. I’m guessing Nick’s bachelor party involved applying ice to his groin.

This show is amazing. It reminds me of one of those documentaries they showed us in health class about kids with Downs Syndrome marrying and mainstreaming. Except Nick and Jessica don’t work at a bakery. They are the beautiful people that the Downs Syndrome kids fawn over in the film. Unlike the Downs Syndrome couples that challenge the world, Nick and Jessica are helpless together. Jessica’s attempt at laundry shows this is a woman who understands room service.

These people seem to have to domestic survival skills of Ozzy without the benefit of blaming years of drugs and booze for looking so clueless. One of the most amazing moments is when Jessica became confused while eating Chicken of the Sea tuna. She wasn’t sure if it was chicken or tuna. Or how she thought Buffalo wings were made of actual buffalo. She unexpectedly spends $750 on underwear – since she doesn’t know how to check the price tags.



Jessica illustrates that a cute gal with a great rack won’t have to do too much thinking in her life. I don’t think we’re going to hear stories about how Jessica gave up a career in bio-physics to become a singer. If she didn’t make it as a singer, she’d be hard pressed to work the cash register at Piggly-Wiggly. She’s ready for The Tonight Show’s Celebrity Jaywalking All-Stars. Thank goodness we don’t live in a world where Jessica is an EMT. At least your last vision will be her chest, as she can’t figure out why you’ve turned blue.

Luckily she married a man who also didn’t sacrifice his dreams of tenure at Harvard.

Nick shows what a good husband he is by hitting a go-go bar as soon as his wife leaves for New York City. While he won’t be the first husband to sneak away, the normal husband doesn’t drag along a camera crew.

What separates Nick and Jessica from the Downs Syndrome kids is joy. Nick and Jessica don’t seem happy when they are together. They look like they’ve been married for 30 years and have constipation problems. When Nick just tries to kiss her neck during a drunken night on the beach, she doesn’t want him to lick her. They don’t seem passionate with each other. Sure she’s a needy spoiled brat, but with her body – pour the sugar and attention on her, Nick. But Nick is so caught up in his own handsome guy appeal. He doesn’t seem to care what she does long as she doesn’t block the mirror.

Something is not right in this marriage because after waiting years to get inside her panties, Nick somehow finds time to watch sports. The first three episodes should have been a locked bedroom door and the constant “klunk klunk klunk” of the headboard slamming the wall.

While I’m not sure how long this marriage should last, the show should have a disclaimer for kids to not live this life at home.

[DaintyLilPeanut]

goddamn that was funny, scarlett rose.

[Scarlett Rose]

http://justjustin.nsync.nu/temp/usweekly1013_jessica.jpg

[Fox in Socks]

yeah, she IS smart!! she just doesnt think. makes sense to me!!! [bang]

[atlantic83095]

my favorite is when she referred to multiple mice as "mouses" and was completely serious

[tully]

I refuse to believe she is almost the same age as me!

[Jim]

Before happening upon this show, all I knew about the couple was that Jessica Simpson refused to give up the nookie to Nick until their wedding night. She wasn’t like that whore Britney Spears.

gawd Britney Spears is not a "whore". is that from a Christian website??

[Scarlett Rose]

gawd Britney Spears is not a "whore". is that from a Christian website??


Uh....No

[cosma]

awww, i like jessica. i dont think shes really stupid, i think she just says things like that to make people giggle. i do the same thing sometimes around friends...they know im not ignorant but i like to act goofy sometimes. so what?

i like the one where theyre by the pool, and nick is telling her about all these rats that were in the pool, and how they were all rigor mortised.

she goes "Rigga who??"

lol :D

[I Am Cool]

I don't think she' doing it to be funny. Honestly. I act goofy, and funny quite often, but I've never said anything as horrid as she has.

Honestly. She was sitting there eating the "Chicken of the Sea" tuna while she was saying that quote. I saw that episode. Now does tuna taste the slightest bit like chicken? I wouldn't know because I don't eat tuna.

I just don't get it. And it's true, they don't seem as happy and passionate as they should be.

You should have seen the camping trip episode. OMG! D'oh!

[cosma]

i have seen that episode!! :D

i dunno, i guess i give her the benefit of the doubt because i say things like that too, just out of sheer goofiness. i would say that "chicken of the sea" thing too, even if i KNEW it was tuna. you know what i mean? its just out of silliness.

but maybe shes not being that way. who knows?

shes still entertaining. :D

[Jim]

Uh....No

its just that... losing your virginity on your wedding night sounds nice, but just becuz Britney didn't do that she's a whore?!?! how ridiculous. i guess the majority of girls nowadays are just WHORES because they'd like to have some fun with somebody without spending the rest of their life with them (or until the (inevitable) divorce, at least)....

[sheanight]

i smelled the word 'whore' from outside..... it's okay, i'm here and ready to check this situation out....

[Scarlett Rose]

rigga what?

I think that he was being satirical when he called her a whore.

[Em]

Apart from that article Scarlett Rose posted, no one had said a word of Nick's stupidity. Sure it's easy to look smart next to Jessica but it doesn't seem to me he's the brightest bulb in the chandelier either.

[iciclespark]

I want a DVD of that show. No seriously. It's the best comedy ever!!! Just for the way he gives her the evil eye

[Scarlett Rose]

Out of the Mouth of Babes
By Karen Thomas, USA TODAY
Is singer Jessica Simpson the new Anna Nicole Smith?

Both are blond. Both have cable reality shows. And both sure have a way with words.

Simpson's marriage to 98 Degrees singer Nick Lachey is on display on MTV's Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica (Tuesdays at 10:30 p.m. ET/PT). The 23-year-old's bubbly non sequiturs have become next-day water-cooler fodder, much as Smith's jaw-droppers did back when The Anna Nicole Show was first a hit. (It's now in reruns on E! Sundays at 1 a.m. ET/PT.)

Do you know who said what?

1. "You should want to talk to me. Do you like my shoes?"

2. "Two thumbs up. And if I had more thumbs, it would be more thumbs up."

3. "My life is a roller coaster, so hold on and enjoy the ride."

4. "I gotta pee."

5. "Is this chicken, what I have, or is this fish? I know it's tuna, but it says 'Chicken by the Sea.' "

6. "I'm so hungry. Where's the cheese doughnut?"

7. "Damn, you need to go to church."

8. "Look, I got a (stuffed) platamapus."

9. "My boob gets in the way."

10. "Hey, that might make me want to start reading."


Answers:
Jessica said it: 1,4,5,8,9
Anna Nicole said it: 2,3,6,7,10

[ykrealm]

You should've read that jessica Simpson article in the previous issue of Maxim Blender; it was ironically hilarious how the writer used everything about her and her words to reflect her ditziness.

[Scarlett Rose]

Here's a link to that article:


http://www.sweetkisses.net/images/blender/index.htm

[ykrealm]

Here's a link to that article:


http://www.sweetkisses.net/images/blender/index.htm

Thank you.

[Galaxygrl]

I don't think Anna Nicole is that stupid. She laughs straight away when she says something dumb. She knows what she's doing. Otherwise why would she marry an aging millionaire?

Jessica Simpson just has the look of a dumbstuck golden retriever until it's someone else who laughs.

[BoristheSpider]

One of my personal faves...*breaks into song*

"If I only had a brain...."

[SlaytBlue]

Actually, canned chicken does taste similar to canned solid white tuna. They have the same consistency. At least to me anyway.

As for Jessica Simpson. I think she's just lived her whole life being the cute dumb blond. She was probably taught at an early age that boys do not like smart girls. So, she took that idea and just ran with it. I bet most of it is an act.

[Awake]

Didn't she also say "Utinam logica falsa tuam philosophiam totam suffodiant!"...Or, maybe not

[MotherLucifer]

This was already posted, but this is one of my all time favorite quotes. I have no idea why I think this is so funny though.


"rigga who?"

Oye. [bang]

[Scarlett Rose]

My new favorite quote is from the Blender article.

in regards to her wedding book I Do:

"It's not just for high-class people, it's for the lower classes too."

Thank you Jessica, for looking out for us 'lower-classes."

[Spacegrrrl]

Apart from that article Scarlett Rose posted, no one had said a word of Nick's stupidity. Sure it's easy to look smart next to Jessica but it doesn't seem to me he's the brightest bulb in the chandelier either.

...especially since he married HER.

[MotherLucifer]

...especially since he married HER.

Hahaha Indeed

Apart from that article Scarlett Rose posted, no one had said a word of Nick's stupidity. Sure it's easy to look smart next to Jessica but it doesn't seem to me he's the brightest bulb in the chandelier either.


He IS an ass. When he was trying to move some piece of furniture upstairs with his brother or something. Sheesh, he is not the most intelligent man.

[That Star]

I think she's just lived her whole life being the cute dumb blond. She was probably taught at an early age that boys do not like smart girls. So, she took that idea and just ran with it. I bet most of it is an act.


I couldn't have said it better.

And Nick. Nick.

What a fucking asshole.

[T.C.]

buffallo wings are called buffallo wings because the recipe originated in buffallo, ny

[T.C.]

She was probably taught at an early age that boys do not like smart girls. So, she took that idea and just ran with it. I bet most of it is an act.

doubt it, ashlee simpson was raised by the same parents and she doesn't act like such a bimbette. she's actually pretty smart.

[Rayna_Terror]

Jessica is such a ditz....I love her and the show!! :) funny!

I also think it's an act...I think she is a ditz but plays it up just a bit

I like it when she spilled the water in the vase and was like "baby I did an uh oh" :( LoL

[Dianna.]

what did she say about having to "re-wall the whole wall" or some shit.

I just love watching him be pissed.

[FetusGaGa]

my favorite quote is that 10 minutes in the store where she and her mom say "cute" 40 million times.

that show is such a trainwreck, and every time it comes on i have to watch :(

[hot kachina]

doubt it, ashlee simpson was raised by the same parents and she doesn't act like such a bimbette. she's actually pretty smart.

Smart enough to be 18 years old and dating starfucker Carson Daly, who knows everyone and everything about the entertainment world. I'm not being sarcastic. If I wanted to be famous, I'd date Carson Daly too. And even if I didn't have any real talent, I'd still date Carson, because my picture would be everywhere and I'd still be famous - for being his girlfriend. Ashlee, honey, you go to those parties and make those connections. I'm 100% behind you dumping Carson as soon as you get your WB show. Right ON.

[hot kachina]

I refuse to believe she is almost the same age as me!

I refuse to believe she grew up in Dallas like me!

[hot kachina]

awww, i like jessica. i dont think shes really stupid, i think she just says things like that to make people giggle. i do the same thing sometimes around friends...they know im not ignorant but i like to act goofy sometimes. so what?


I thought about this too, because in real life and on this board sometimes, I say things that are so patently ignorant, I'm practically begging people to call me out and insult me. It's something I've always done, a sort of cerebral, devil's advocate type of masochism. Sure, I do it for laughs. I mean, there are people on this board who think I'm gun-toting maniac Communist raising my kid on LSD, conspiracy theories and Norwegian death metal. Not that I think that would be a bad idea or anything, but I know some people believe it anyway.

The difference between Jessica Simpson and myself is that when she says something goofy or stupid, she's not doing it to be consciously funny. For every crap post I write, you can find twice as many where I'm articulate and erudite. For every ignorant thing that Jessica Simpson does or says, there are no moments where she displays the type of intellect or wit to make you realize she's just "acting" dumb.

Consider, if you will, the "dumb blondes" of old Hollywood - Jayne Mansfield, Mae West, Marilyn Monroe, to name far too few - each of these women managed to be beautiful, sexy, witty, charismatic - and very, very intelligent and shrewd. In their movies, they played "dumb blondes" and ditzes better than anyone, but they truly shone when there were no scripts around. Their media acumen, their wit and cleverness was all their own.

If Jessica had a tenth of the star quality or intellect of those actresses, her cutesy comments might come off as charmingly sarcastic. It would be like, "Ok. ok, that was funny ... now I'll say something that is more 'me', because I'm not really that stupid." Unfortunately, she really is that stupid. Jaw-droppingly stupid.

I'll bend a little and say all television shows, particularly on MTV's "reality" shows, are edited within an inch of its life. A good editor can splice up a few scenes taken over twelve weeks and make it look like it all happened in five minutes. It's not out of the question to think the MTV producers have an agenda to make Jessica look ignorant and Nick look insensitive, and thrown out any scenes that didn't live up to those goals. That said, even if 10% of the things either of them said or did was taken out of context, it must have been out of sheer pity because I can't begin to imagine the conversations in which those words were spoken in context.

Further proof of their blissful ignorance (and/or an unhealthy love of masochism) is their decision to sign up for a second season, even after watching the first completed season. They have to know that half the world thinks they are painfully moronic, so ... they are going to do it again? What's the goal here? What is this show about?

Christ ... the first year of a marriage is totally crazy already. It's the time to start evolving as a married couple. But to do it on camera on top of everything else? And have it marketed as a comedy? Those kids were wallowing in stupidity just for agreeing to the whole thing.

[Contents Under Pressure]

IFurther proof of their blissful ignorance (and/or an unhealthy love of masochism) is their decision to sign up for a second season, even after watching the first completed season. They have to know that half the world thinks they are painfully moronic, so ... they are going to do it again? What's the goal here? What is this show about?

Moronic?

I'm not so sure about that, considering they're making a fortune.

[hot kachina]

Oh, well, as long as they're rich, they can afford to lose as much dignity and credibility as possible. Not to mention showing young girls all over the world that they, too, can be ignorant and useless and still marry a dumb oaf, live in a mansion, and spend $750 on underwear. I mean, what parent doesn't want all of that for their daughter?

[Contents Under Pressure]

And how is Jessica Simpson useless? Just because you think she has no dignity, doesn't mean she feels that way (obviously).

Are you working as hard as she is?

[hot kachina]

Actually, James, is that the issue? Do you want to make this another tiresome thread about me? You are so predictable. Had I said, good for her, you would have been the one saying she had no dignity. I can name a handful of people like you, always ready to disagree with me publicly no matter how painful it is, just because agreeing with me is a cross too mortifying to bear.

[Inurdreamzboo]

Well...i think she's funny. I seriously think she IS more or less a bimbo....but she definitely acts stoooopider for the cameras. I mean, if you get paid so much money for just actin like a complete idiot, wouldn't u do it? Shoo...I would. I dunno...it's dumb, but i absolutely LOVE that show. I dont ever miss an episode...lol. It's absolutely hilarious. LOL I've even got a shirt that says "Is this chicken or tuna" on it. LOL

She says purdy DUMB stuff...the latest ones:
~"there's different kinds of condoms?"
~"is there a certain way to put on a condom?"
~"Nick, dont talk to me. You threw me off." (right after she fell flat on her face!)
~"Oh my Gah"

MY ALLTIME FAVORITES:
~"ventures" (dentures)
~"mouses" (mice)
~"Don't make fun of me, Nick."
~I absolutely loved the show where her and her mom went shopping and they kept saying "cute"..."oh that's cute"//// LOL I do dat now when i go to da mall.

[Inurdreamzboo]

LOL "I love the way these candles smell." "Oh..they're unscented." LOL LOL LOL LOL "What's oregano?" LOL LOL

[(Daniel)]

I don't think Anna Nicole is that stupid. She laughs straight away when she says something dumb. She knows what she's doing. Otherwise why would she marry an aging millionaire? Right. Because it takes tons of brainpower to decide to marry an aging millionaire.

clearly, the millionaire was the smart one here. He's old, his kids are assholes, he has a ton of money and he's about to die. Do you leave your money to your asshole kids or do you marry a model, get her to suck your cock till you have a heart-attack, then fuck your entire family over?

The choice is clear.

[sugarbritches]

I'm still embarrassed for her.

She's pretty, but man is she dumb as a box of rocks.

And the whole infantilization thing: DISGUSTING.

She acts like a baby.

[123]

You gotta wonder why he loves her?

[Julie]

Nick Lachey and his brothers and family and such are from my hometown. They are prime examples of every guy I've ever dated. Well, but hotter. :d

Seriously. Practical, kinda cheap (like the move it yourself thing? Moving stuff through windows? I know guys who did that.), really sweet, will do anything for their stupid and materialistic girlfriends. I know folks who went to HS with them, and they say that the guys are really, really down to earth and great and they wonder how the hell then wound up with such raging bitches. (two words: hot poontang.)

For my wedding, I almost ended up with the florist for one of the Lachey's wedding. I turned them down because one: they were 3x the amount of another florist I liked better (rigga-who?) and two: I was afraid that Jessica's stupidity might trickle down that whole degrees of separation thing.

My favourite ep had to be Jessica and her sister-in-law (the one who used aforementioned florist) in the woods with their louis vuittons. Idiots.

[Nox-lyn]

After watching a recent episode, where Jessica and her mother are eating at a restaurant, I realized her mother must have passed her intelligence on to her daughter. Jessica and her mother have a rather lengthy conversation about the origin of bratwurst, where they feel they must give Nick a call so he can clear up the issue for them.

Her mother: Oh, you know how pork chops are sorta white? Well, bratwursts are too.

Jessica: so they're a pork chop?

her mother: makes sense.


lmao.

[Inurdreamzboo]

Jess: "That's not what it means."
Nick: "Oh yea, then what is 'comaraderie'?
Jess: "Attention."
Nick: "Comaraderie means attention?????"
Jess: (Silence)[post14]


LOL LOL LOL LOL

[cold pressed olives]

i think nick lachey is kind of cute.

[Inurdreamzboo]

LOL Im watchin the re-runs...LOL! I had never seen the beginning of the skiing episode. LOL Her and Drew's wife went to put gas in the car. HAHAHHAHAHAH Laugh of the day. She didnt have money...and she had to use the ATM..lol. And then she didnt even know if the gas was pumpin...or where the receipt was...LOL LOL.

[hot kachina]

RE: Anna Nicole Smith, say what you want about her, but she refused to marry that 89 year old until she had her own money. He wanted to marry her when she was still titty dancing at some dive in Buttfuck, Texas, but she said no because she didn't want to seem like a gold digger. She HAD to have known that poor man could have keeled over any second - he'd been on oxygen and in a wheelchair for years and when he went to see her dance. But she did finally make her own money - lot of it - with Playboy, not to mention the lucrative Guess campaign. It wasn't until after that that she agreed to marry J.Marshall. Whatever happened after that, whatever her intentions were, that's the truth. And J.Marshall may have been a million years old, but he wasn't stupid, either.

Unfortunately, the way ANS looks, conducts herself, and her lack of "class" makes it very easy to say she was just shrewd and waiting for him to die. Maybe it's too easy to say that.

As for Jessica Simpson, even if she somehow got the idea that "boys prefer dumb girls" and is thus "acting," she lacks even the train wreck charm of ANS. And I do think she's that stupid, because she tells an anecdote about a teacher asking her 7th grade class on the first day of school, "What are all the continents?" And Jessica says she proudly answered, "A E I O U" :r She was laughing at how dumb she was, but it's just further proof that this isn't any kind of "dumb blonde" act. It's always been there. It's sad. Little girls watch that show, they don't know she's doing anything wrong. Fuck MTV.

[Ben]

;l ;l ;l

I can't believe most of these quotes are almost unbelievable! ;l

[hot kachina]

from imdb.com (not updated for 2nd season)

Jessica: I have to go... drop some kids in the pool.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jessica: What does it mean when you take a really big breath and it hurts?
[inhales big]
Jessica: It hurts really bad right here.
Nick: It means you shouldn't talk for a day and a half.

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Jessica: Is there, like, maids for, like, celebrities?

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Jessica: Is this chicken or is this fish? I know it's tuna. But it says chicken. By the sea.

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Jessica: Platypus? I thought it was pronounced platymapus. Has it always been pronounced platypus?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jessica: I hate record labels. They think they know everything. I want to hear them try to sing it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jessica: I have bubbles in my tummy... it's just air. It's not stink. Promise.

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Jessica: Is that weird, taking my Louis Vuitton bag camping?

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Jessica: Why were there mouses?

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[on the aftermath of death]
Jessica: Rigor who?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jessica: My boob gets in the way.

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[after being offered Buffalo wings]
Jessica: No thanks. I don't eat buffalo.

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Jessica: I still managed to spend $200.
Nick: That's never been a problem with you.

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[discussing the curved champagne glass]
Nick: It's got a little lean to it. Kind of reminds you of something else, doesn't it?
Jessica: Okay.
Nick: Oh, I can't help myself.
Jessica: Don't be nasty. And don't tell everybody you lean.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jessica: I could feel your teeth.
Nick: They're not my teeth, actually.
Jessica: Oh, I forgot. They're "ventures". No, that's dentures.
Nick: Ventures?
Jessica: What are they called?
[Nick laughs]
Jessica: Veneers.
[Nick laughs]
Jessica: I thought "dentures" and I thought "veneers". And then I came up with "ventures".
Nick: Yeah. "Think" is the key word.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[trying to tuck in her napkin]
Jessica: Not there.
Nick: Oh, I'm sorry.
Jessica: You'll mess up my cleavage.
Nick: Impossible.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nick: What do you mean we're going to be in Atlantic City on our anniversary. It's a zoo.
Jessica: My dad didn't know it was our anniversary and he scheduled me to perform.
Nick: Are you kidding me?
Jessica: I wish. He doesn't know when our anniversary is.
Nick: Oh, bulls**t he doesn't know when our anniversary is.

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[saying why she is not going to eat the fast food]
Jessica: I have a hard booger in my nose, and it makes it - I think it's going to make it bleed.

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Jessica: The first thing I'm going to do is poop.

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[opening a birthday present]
Nick: It's a little display case for my baseballs.
Drew: Open it up, you douche!
Nick: Oh, you mean, there's already one in there?
Drew: I'm cheap but I'm not that cheap!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[discussing Nick's diamond studded watch]
Jessica: Do you like your gift?
Nick: I love it Baby. I like it a lot. How much did you pay for it? I'm serious. How much was it?
Jessica: $55,000
Nick: Fifty - are you crazy? - $55,000?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[discussing the new sheets Jessica bought]
Nick: How much were they?
Jessica: Huh?
Nick: How much? How much?
Jessica: $1400.
Nick: Jessica Simpson!
Jessica: What?
[giggles]
Jessica: Don't be mad. Oh, Nick, come on.
Nick: $1400 for sheets?
Jessica: Well, you sleep on 'em every night.
Nick: I sleep on the ones we got now every night. I don't have a problem.
Jessica: Well, I don't like them. I don't sleep good.
Nick: Holy crap. I better have a wet dream when I sleep on those sheets.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nick: [to Jessica] Even the washing machine thinks that $1400 is
[bleep]
Nick: ridiculous. It refuses to wash them.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jessica: Well, I'm gonna take a shower. And wash off everybody's foot jam.
Nick: [snickers] Foot- foot jam?
Jessica: Yeah, I mean, I was in a pool of water all day long that everybody's feet was in.
Nick: Isn't it toe jam?
Jessica: Whatever.

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Guy: All right, Hamburger Hamlet, Harbor House, Oriental Seafood...
Jessica: Anal Seafood? What?
Tina: Angel Seafood.
Jessica: Oh.
Guy: No, Oriental Seafood.
Jessica: Oriental.
[laughs]
Jessica: I thought he said "Anal Seafood".

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Jessica: [talking to Nick] Lea had dinner on the table and I had dinner in grocery sacks. I'm sorry.

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Jessica: [talking on the phone] Well, 23 is old! It's almost 25 which is almost mid-twenties.

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Jessica: So you want to go to Home Depot today?
Nick: I'm kissing your neck and you ask about Home Depot. What the hell is wrong with that picture?

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Nick: [walking into Home Depot] Alright. Bee killer. Draperies.
Jessica: No. I'm not getting my draperies at Home Depot.

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Jessica: [talking to Nick] I like your hairy ass. If you want me to lick it, I'll lick it.

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Nick: Do you want to go have sex?
Jessica: No.

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Jessica: You married me.
Nick: Don't remind me!

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Jessica: I still love you.
Nick: What do you mean, 'I still love you.' What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Jessica: No I mean...
Nick: I still love you in spite of what? I still love you in spite of what?
Jessica: In spite of your decorating.
Nick: Well then you get off your ass and do it.

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Drew: [hanging up albums with Nick] Do you want gold or platinum?
Nick: Platinum... give me the good stuff.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jessica: I'm complaining about the money to get a designer. That is all I'm complaining about. And I will just hire you. That's fine.
Nick: Well how am I getting paid if you are hiring me?
Jessica: In the bed.
Nick: Well I want a raise. With extra benefits.
Jessica: What are those?
Nick: You know what I'm talking about.

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[Nick is trying to discuss his plans to decorate the house]
Jessica: You're such a girl. Why do you care? I'm going to do it.

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Nick: Listen, Miss Bossy Britches.
Jessica: I'm asking you. I'm not bossing.
Nick: Yes, you are.
Jessica: I'm not. I'm asking you. Please.
Nick: No, you didn't ask.
Jessica: Baby, I'm drunk. Let me be bossy.

[cold pressed olives]

what's interesting is that when jessica was skiing, she didn't come off as stupid.

[123]

what's interesting is that when jessica was skiing, she didn't come off as stupid.

I know! And I loved it when she goes to Nick "And I didn't fall once." You go Jess! :h

[(Daniel)]

;l ;l ;l

I can't believe most of these quotes are almost unbelievable! ;l That's a pretty unbelievable quote right there [shock]

[post67]

[pianoguy7883]

Yesterday, i watched the show and caught this one:

Nick: (talking about adopting and raising 2 puppies) "When they grow up together, they have a sort of camaraderie.
Jessica: Camaraderie? That's not the right word.
Nick: Yes it is, it's like they're comrades, friends, family, etc.
Jessica: I thought camaraderie was like an accolade, kind of like congratulations for doing something good.