Let's make cookies and muffins!

[Pete!]

Y'know, using the organs we'll harvest from the infants we'll kidnap.

And there's nothing quite like adding ground foetus to your home baking recipes. Mmmm-mmmmm.

Oh, I know, but I'm bored. So fuckin' bite me.

[sugarbritches]

*bites*

[Morgan]

I'm making Lemon Lamb Limb Zingers as we speak.

[GardenCat]

is there a discussion board for these recipes? like: www.fetusrecipes.com ?

;)

[cat]

[phipc]

i like putting left-over umbilical cords in oatmeal raisin cookies to replace said raisins. the crunchiness is unfuckingbelievable. *salivates*

[Mrs.Rollins]

I find that whipped foetus makes a nice substitute for real whipped cream in that Thanksgiving pumpkin pie. For that matter, add a little afterbirth to the pie filling. It really brings out the spices.

[beauty of speed]

I found a great Bordeaux Foetus, vintage 2000. In this case, sediment is good in the fine wine, because, well.. sediment = amniotic chunks.

Drink up!

[Mrs.Rollins]

Step one in any placenta recipe should always be "catch your placenta."

[TheSkeptic]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v222/MattyC82/fetusmeal.jpg
I like my fetus roasted slowly, suckling an apple...served with blanched green beans, a succulent biscuit and mashed potatoes...drizzled with heapings of afterbirth gravy.

Wash it down with a little Coke (topped up with lashings of afterbirthcicles) and you're all set for a truely fetal feast.

[beauty of speed]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v222/MattyC82/fetusmeal.jpg
What wonderful presentation, really. Look how beautifully the curve of the smushy spine matches with the curve of the plate. Quite nice.

*digs in*

Anyone up for some umbilical cord alfredo? I usually make the cream sauce with some oregano and amniotic fluid.

[Mrs.Rollins]

Sign this petition! Foetus IS NOT ART!!!!!111!!!!!111

[swirly]

Is fetus meat as I'm veggie and wouldn't want to fall off the wagon?

How is it curried?

swirly

xxx

[TheSkeptic]

If your foetus was terminated early, you can always substitute menstrual fluid for the afterbirth. Its lower in calories and AtkinsTM Friendly.

Matt

[Mrs.Rollins]

It's organic, free-range foetus. It's perfectly acceptable.

[phipc]

free range, as in ranged freely from womb to back-alley trashbin?

[greatestgirl]

While a bit unseasonal, for a frosty treat I like frozen fetus daquiris in a tall glass... and instead of umbrellas in your drink, try tampons for a fun, surprising party favor!

[Thom.]

*gives everyone in thread oral sex...repeatedly*

I do not have to go to school until next Tuesday. I'm very fucking happy.

[phipc]

can we grind some little limbs together? a pestle's never been used to such good effect. i'll rim you while you're performing said grindage.

[swirly]

It's organic, free-range foetus. It's perfectly acceptable.

Oh good :D

Now how does it curry?

swirly

xxx

[Thom.]

Okay. *grinds*

You know, I can make some mean placental pesto. *gets out straws*

[beauty of speed]

While a bit unseasonal, for a frosty treat I like frozen fetus daquiris in a tall glass... and instead of umbrellas in your drink, try tampons for a fun, surprising party favor!
Makes a great chaser for your OrthoTricyclen!

And it REALLY gets people loosened up for those late-term abortion parties that are sweeping the country. It's like a sex toy party, but with a large foetus-harvesting vacuum and lots of plastic tarp. Splattery fun for the gals' night in! *puts on pajamas*

[devnull]

lsdfklsdkfjaslkj my stomach's growling.

[Mrs.Rollins]

This thread has brought a tear to my eye.

*weeps with gratitude*

[phipc]

menstrual blood mixed with paste makes a great icing for xmas ginger bread men (only if they're made with yeast infection, of course)

[greatestgirl]

menstrual blood mixed with paste makes a great icing for xmas ginger bread men (only if they're made with yeast infection, of course)

oh dear lord. i was doing really okay with this thread and then i read that post and my gag reflex started doing riverdance in the back of my throat.
you sick motherfuckers.

[beauty of speed]

menstrual blood mixed with paste makes a great icing for xmas ginger bread men (only if they're made with yeast infection, of course)
You can even make little moustaches for them out of your own pubic hair! [post28]

[phipc]

greatestgirl - score!

[Mrs.Rollins]

Little Hitler cookies!

[phipc]

i love making eva braun macaroons.

[RapidFixer]

Instead of sprinkling jimmies on your ice cream and cookies, why not grate a little under-devloped spinal cord. It's a great conversation starter, and the chewy texture will have guests wondering just how you do it. Not to mention the stem cells will make everyone feel so young and free!

[Master Shaman]

Can't we use feti from partial-birth abortions? The one in that picture is so small... and I'm really hungry.
So what is better with fetus, ketchup or mayo?

[phipc]

we really need to create a cookbook.

[beauty of speed]

Can't we use feti from partial-birth abortions? The one in that picture is so small... and I'm really hungry.
So what is better with fetus, ketchup or mayo?
Why not both?! I love me some fetus fry sauce.

You missed my post about the late-term abortion parties! Grab yourself a Hoover or Dyson and give it a go, sister! If it stains your couch, that's ok.. you can say it's like a new type of Fetal Brocade or Tapestry fabric or something.

[Master Shaman]

wakey wakey, fetus cakey.

[beauty of speed]

wakey wakey, fetus cakey.
;l I would not sleep an extra wink for that!

[phipc]

old bay seasoning works well, too. especially on under-developed vulva.

[beauty of speed]

Add a twist of ginger, cinnamon, and carbonation to your fetal fluids for a zesty holiday treat - Fetus Holiday Spice!

[Pete!]

*gives everyone in thread oral sex...repeatedly*


I started the thread, so I'm obviously first in line.

...I have ten boners right now.

[Thom.]

I started the thread, so I'm obviously first in line.

...I have ten boners right now.


Let me numb my jaw up with a little bit of novocaine first. 'Cause I've heard stories, you know.

[Pete!]

I have so many boners I don't know where to put them all!

[RapidFixer]

I have so many boners I don't know where to put them all!

The obvious place seems to be in a fetal orafice.

[beauty of speed]

*uses one of Pete's extra boners to beat a free-range fetus dead*

*runs off to farmer's market in search of ingredients for fetus stock*

[Master Shaman]

The obvious place seems to be in a fetal orafice. The bad thing about feti is that for most of their intrauterine existence, they have anal membranes - technically they don't have assholes. So they can't be felched or anything.
You need to use a drill first.

[swirly]

*sings* "I believe that children are the future"...

swirly

xxx

[Master Shaman]

oh you mean feti, right?

I believe that feti are our future,
felch them well, don't let them bleed away

[Rinky vs.4.0]

Stem cells make a refreshing beverage if combined with Stoli and fresh tomato juice. Add a dash of tabasco for extra piquancy. Serve in a tall glass with a stick of celery.

[Pete!]

Or a boner.

[Thom.]

Or, even more specifically, Pete's boner.

[Rinky vs.4.0]

^Only if it's crunchy, like celery. Think of the children!

[beauty of speed]

^Only if it's crunchy. Think of the children!
And spitting. Adds a nice thick consistency to the drink you described above.

[Mrs.Rollins]

Fetii kabobs:

http://www.kawasaki-m.ac.jp/mm/2F/FETUS.GIF

[jeth]

You know, around this time of year people like to scoop out the insides of a turkey, grind the organs up and mix them with stuffing, and then shove it all back into the empty cavity for baking.

Why not the same with fetus?

This recipe works best with late trimester pregnancies. You will need:

hand-crank drill acceptable subsitute: corkscrew
small vacuum device. acceptable substitute: a gas siphoning instrument
hand mixer
turkey baster
sterilized, stainless steel bowl
3 tbsp butter
1 minced garlic clove
pinch of salt
3 fertilized chicken eggs
ground cracked pepper to taste
stove top stuffing, box

first, insert the small drill behind the fetus's skull. Make sure to apply gentle pressure while you drill a small opening to remove the brain and surrounding fluids.

next, use the vacuum hose or gas siphoning instrument liquify the brain tissues and remove them from the skull. put contents in the stainless steel mixing bowl.

add melted butter, garlic, and paprika to the brain tissue. whip the grey matter on a high setting until smooth. crack open three fertilized chicken eggs and drain the blood into the bowl. put the chicken embryos aside for later use.

hand mix the contents of the bowl again, then add the dried stuffing mix. allow to set for fifteen minutes.

in the meantime, rub salt into the eyes of the fetus and sprinkle cracked pepper across the umbilical cord for a tasty holiday treat.

once stuffing has properly set, insert it back into the skull of the fetus. garnish with embryonic chickens and you have a meal that even grandma would be proud of! Except, you know, she won't actually be a grandma now. Hence the pride.

don't forget the turkey baster. that's for artificial insemination, just in time for your family's easter get together!

[Thom.]

You know, around this time of year people like to scoop out the insides of a turkey, grind the organs up and mix them with stuffing, and then shove it all back into the empty cavity for baking.

Why not the same with fetus?

This recipe works best with late trimester pregnancies. You will need:

hand-crank drill acceptable subsitute: corkscrew
small vacuum device. acceptable substitute: a gas siphoning instrument
hand mixer
turkey baster
sterilized, stainless steel bowl
3 tbsp butter
1 minced garlic clove
pinch of salt
3 fertilized chicken eggs
ground cracked pepper to taste
stove top stuffing, box

first, insert the small drill behind the fetus's skull. Make sure to apply gentle pressure while you drill a small opening to remove the brain and surrounding fluids.

next, use the vacuum hose or gas siphoning instrument liquify the brain tissues and remove them from the skull. put contents in the stainless steel mixing bowl.

add melted butter, garlic, and paprika to the brain tissue. whip the grey matter on a high setting until smooth. crack open three fertilized chicken eggs and drain the blood into the bowl. put the chicken embryos aside for later use.

hand mix the contents of the bowl again, then add the dried stuffing mix. allow to set for fifteen minutes.

in the meantime, rub salt into the eyes of the fetus and sprinkle cracked pepper across the umbilical cord for a tasty holiday treat.

once stuffing has properly set, insert it back into the skull of the fetus. garnish with embryonic chickens and you have a meal that even grandma would be proud of! Except, you know, she won't actually be a grandma now. Hence the pride.

This sounds so good. It sounds like it would go well with my fetal bean casserole.

[jeth]

did you see the last line that I added?

And I'd love to see this fetal bean casserole. I think a three fetal casserole would be beautiful. We could oooh and ahhhh over the harmony of flavors, and the harmony of three fetuses getting along so well on the platter.

[Thom.]

sadfkhsdakjhdsfa no i didn't!!


The key with the fetal bean casserole is to use deep-fried fetal arms as a topping. It keeps the dish perfectly crisp and fresh.

[jeth]

Oooh, deep fried ARMS?

I'm so there.

[TheSkeptic]

did you see the last line that I added?

And I'd love to see this fetal bean casserole. I think a three fetal casserole would be beautiful. We could oooh and ahhhh over the harmony of flavors, and the harmony of three fetuses getting along so well on the platter.
you could have white,black and yellow foetus casserole...

or pig,dog and human! The possibilities are endless.

Matt

[jeth]

Oh. The trifecta of fetal casseroles. So brilliant.

I think fetus on a spit doesn't get enough credit. Just slide a nice metal pole through one and spin it slowly over an open flame. Tasty!

[phipc]

i'm looking for something to spice up my cranberry sauce this year. any suggestions?

[Master Shaman]

amniotic fluid. and pepper.

[phipc]

pepper? really?

where the fuck did i put that amniotic fluid? *checks ziploc bags in freezer*

[Pete!]

A hint of rape-baby?

[phipc]

ooh, i do have some rape-baby essence amonst my spices.

[beauty of speed]

You know, green tea tastes great with a sprinkling of undeveloped spinal fluid.

[Master Shaman]

pepper? really?

where the fuck did i put that amniotic fluid? *checks ziploc bags in freezer*
You have to attach a straw to the coathanger. It will be much easier to harvest the fluid. Use a medical drainage bag, connect its tube to the straw.

[jeth]

You know, many cranberry sauce recipes now call for orange or lemon zest. So why not make your own, very special cranberry sauce with fetus zest?

I would suggest zesting the undeveloped lungs. It will be a delicious treat no one will forget!

[Pete!]

This thread is so full of my boners.

[BreakTheTerror]

this thread is so hideously wrong i don't know what to say.

it's kind of like the song "A Little Priest" from Sweeney Todd without the humour.

[Master Shaman]

This thread is hilarious.

[beauty of speed]

this thread is so hideously wrong i don't know what to say.

it's kind of like the song "A Little Priest" from Sweeney Todd without the humour.And this post was like a partial birth-foetus sammich without the tangy zip of Miracle Whip. Bland and forgettable.

[eros luciferchilde]

I found a great Bordeaux Foetus, vintage 2000. In this case, sediment is good in the fine wine, because, well.. sediment = amniotic chunks.

Drink up!
If you like that, you should try a Childonnay from Foeteau Childe d'Eros. The g-rapes were harvested from French abortion houses.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v516/eroslfc/forumz/foeteauchilde.jpg

[Steve SFM]

this thread is so hideously wrong i don't know what to say.

it's kind of like the song "A Little Priest" from Sweeney Todd without the humour.

Actually, that song - while excellent - does fail to deal with the many tasty recipes that can be made from feti in all stages of development, from creamy and delicate stem cells to crunchy and robust partial-birth.

I'm a huge fan of Sweeney Todd, but I do feel that, in only talking about the various kinds of grown humans that one could bake into a pie, Stephen Sondheim missed a significant artistic opportunity.

Steve the Sweet Fat Man

[Mordecai]

*jumps in vat barefoot to make fetus wine*

Ouais, c'est fœtu-licieux. ha hoh hoh!

[Thom.]

*makes fetal kabobs with the many boners in this thread*

[Master Shaman]

Fetus on a skewer. I wish I had come up with that.

[phipc]

i'm chomping on the spirits of native american fetii, washed down with an ambiotic trail of tears.

happy thanksgiving.

[Pete!]

As an Englishman, I abhor your fucking stupid holiday.

However, hacking off the arms of babies and using them to make festive snacks is all well and good, so have at it.

[Master Shaman]

Shouldn't we give thanks for fetus?

[Steve SFM]

Shouldn't we give thanks for fetus?

I give thanks for partial birth abortion!

Not only does it give us plenty of tasty fetal meat, but let's be honest. Women love havin' 'em, and doctors love performin' 'em.

Steve the Sweet Fat Man

[Pete!]

Doctors and dangerously inexperienced amateurs!

[jeth]

Yes. You should not trust your partial-birth abortion to just any hack with a coat hanger and a shop in a dark, back alley somewhere.

Everyone knows that if you do not perform it correctly, the tastiest juices are lost during the procedure. And some studies show that, like that episode of the Simpsons where Homer nearly dies because the sushi chef doesn't cut the fish right, it's entirely possible that fetus has certain cuts which could be poisonous when consumed. Best to leave it to an expert.

Thank you Pete for bringing up that important point!

[BreakTheTerror]

Actually, that song - while excellent - does fail to deal with the many tasty recipes that can be made from feti in all stages of development, from creamy and delicate stem cells to crunchy and robust partial-birth.

I'm a huge fan of Sweeney Todd, but I do feel that, in only talking about the various kinds of grown humans that one could bake into a pie, Stephen Sondheim missed a significant artistic opportunity.

Steve the Sweet Fat Man

EW!

you people are enough to make me want to go right-wing. and that's saying a lot, considering the fact that i'm pretty damned liberal.

i mean, seriously. this is not funny.

if you all ever want to be regarded by your republican government with more than calculated disdain, you've got to grow up.

as it is, you're lending credence to the extreme right wing lie that there is a segment of population that is "pro-abortion."

maybe they're right.

but keep, it up, darlings. maybe next the US will elect Bill Frist president! and then you'll all be sitting on your asses going "how did it happen!" and whining about moving to Canada.

[Master Shaman]

Time to bring out the fetus-flavored [popcorn]

[Pete!]

as it is, you're lending credence to the extreme right wing lie that there is a segment of population that is "pro-abortion."

maybe they're right.

I am definitely 100% pro-abortion. There are already far too many pointless, stupid and ugly people around; too much human detritus. So many people just don't need to breed. Their genes should never be passed on. It is, in fact, a crime that they even exist; their mothers... no, their grandmothers should have had abortions.


but keep, it up, darlings. maybe next the US will elect Bill Frist president! and then you'll all be sitting on your asses going "how did it happen!" and whining about moving to Canada.

Uh. What? I mean, aside from the fact I'm English and all, that part of your post is so bloatedly hyperbolic as to be utter nonsense. You may as well have said, "Parisian fingernails belate the ham trophies, Dr. Mouseblock" and it would have been equally relevant.

[BreakTheTerror]

forgive me for assuming that you, in particular, are American.

most of the people posting at the forums are.

by the way, the post was not hyperbolic. if you lived here, you might understand that. for the time being, take my word for it.

(by the way, Bill Frist, if you aren't aware, is one of the frontrunners for the 2008 republican nomination, and happens to be a close friend of my best friend's father. political posturing and inside deal-making predict that he very well may receive that nomination. that would be bad. research him. it's not a pretty picture.)

[Pete!]

Yes, but what has that got to do with us making jokes about making food out of baby parts and foetal fluids? I'm not seeing the link.

[BreakTheTerror]

if you've been following the news, you would notice that the United States just experienced an election that, though legitimate, poured salt into the wounds of a divided nation. it has reduced the media and the citizens into an us vs. them mentality, with everything being either red or blue, and if things continue on their current course, it will only get worse.

to joke so flippantly about such an emotional issue, such a divisive issue, only serves to feed the fears and stereotypes held by millions of American citizens. it validates their worst concerns. the vast majority of this nation, American replies to this thread notwithstanding, does not like abortion, whether they are pro-life or pro-choice. i mean, really, who in his/her fucking right mind would say that they LIKE abortion? ask any woman who has had one and she'll tell you about it.

if these jokes are being made here, i can only imagine what posters are saying to real live three-dimensional people, what conversations are being overheard in coffee shops, etc.

i'm pro-choice, by the way. though i believe all people everywhere should do whatever they can do reduce the necessity for abortions, a woman's right to choose will never be protected in the US if the liberal voices are spewing such vitriolic bullshit.

[Rinky vs.4.0]

if you all ever want to be regarded by your republican government with more than calculated disdain, you've got to grow up.

as it is, you're lending credence to the extreme right wing lie that there is a segment of population that is "pro-abortion."

maybe they're right.

but keep, it up, darlings. maybe next the US will elect Bill Frist president! and then you'll all be sitting on your asses going "how did it happen!" and whining about moving to Canada.

What. Are. You. Talking. About?

Several points:

- It is not necessary to always be serious in order to be taken seriously.

- Just occasionally, humour can be used to express a serious point. Satire - look it up.

- Why would I move to Canada to escape the US when I live in England?

- What's wrong with being pro-abortion anyway?


*sips on stem cell cocktail*

*tents fingers*

[Rinky vs.4.0]

to joke so flippantly about such an emotional issue, such a divisive issue, only serves to feed the fears and stereotypes held by millions of American citizens. .

That's what humour is FOR. Having to constantly tread on eggshells around a subject for fear of offending tends to lead to more tension and resentment in the long run.

[Pete!]

if you've been following the news, you would notice that the United States just experienced an election that, though legitimate, poured salt into the wounds of a divided nation. it has reduced the media and the citizens into an us vs. them mentality, with everything being either red or blue, and if things continue on their current course, it will only get worse.

if these jokes are being made here, i can only imagine what posters are saying to real live three-dimensional people, what conversations are being overheard in coffee shops, etc.

Yeah, thanks. I think we in this country got more reliable coverage of your election than many Americans did. I am aware of what's going on. But I'm still it difficult to grasp how taking the piss and joking about dead babies is tantamount to handing the Republicans power in 2008. I dunno, I'm just not getting my head 'round it.

[BreakTheTerror]

What. Are. You. Talking. About?

Several points:

- It is not necessary to always be serious in order to be taken seriously.

- Just occasionally, humour can be used to express a serious point. Satire - look it up.

- Why would I move to Canada to escape the US when I live in England?

- What's wrong with being pro-abortion anyway?




point A: of course it's not necessary to always be serious. no shit.

point B: this humour is not expressing ANY point. the Guardian's headline ("how can [whatever number it was] Americans be so dumb") after the election used humour to make a point. this is just, frankly, liberal people trying to be shocking but coming off as extremely childish.

point C: i addressed that question above. i'm mainly talking to the Americans, who make up a majority of the posters at this site. as an aside, i've spent some time in the UK, and i've always been impressed. i suppose the above-referenced immaturity knows no national boundaries.

point D: because it's inhumane and disgusting. note that i am pro-choice. no person who genuinely cares for mankind would actually advocate for MORE abortions.

god, people.

[BreakTheTerror]

Yeah, thanks. I think we in this country got more reliable coverage of your election than many Americans did. I am aware of what's going on. But I'm still it difficult to grasp how taking the piss and joking about dead babies is tantamount to handing the Republicans power in 2008. I dunno, I'm just not getting my head 'round it.

it adds colour to the pictures opposing sides paint of each other. the more that conservatives can make the case that liberals are hateful baby-killing reprobate bastards, the more that decent people will check the box for their candidates, further silencing intelligent discourse.

got it?

[Pete!]

I accept your points about being childish and immature. That really is what this thread is about, and I don't think anyone will deny that. Of course, I love the way you're throwing around the words 'childish' and 'immature' like these are inherently bad qualities. But y'know. You're entitled to your opinions.

You're also making a very big leap on saying that no-one who cares for mankind would advocate more abortions. Why the fuck not? I think mankind would be much better of if there was less of it. And if the stupid part of the population was somehow pruned. Abortions can be a tool for good! Having said that, as it is, I don't care much for mankind precisely because it's so full of cunts. Dichotomous!

[Pete!]

it adds colour to the pictures opposing sides paint of each other. the more that conservatives can make the case that liberals are hateful baby-killing reprobate bastards, the more that decent people will check the box for their candidates, further silencing intelligent discourse.

got it?

No. Seems a bit far-fetched to me.

[Rinky vs.4.0]

point A: of course it's not necessary to always be serious. no shit.

Then what are you whining and casting accusation of silliness and immaturity about for then?

point B: this humour is not expressing ANY point. the Guardian's headline ("how can [whatever number it was] Americans be so dumb") after the election used humour to make a point. this is just, frankly, liberal people trying to be shocking but coming off as extremely childish.

Er, I think you need to develop a more nuanced sense of humour. Seriously. Some of the jokes here are riffs on recent news items, some are just silliness, some refer to attitudes toward abortion. Not that I'm going to sit here and explain jokes to you. Then they really wouldn't be funny.


point C: i addressed that question above. i'm mainly talking to the Americans, who make up a majority of the posters at this site. as an aside, i've spent some time in the UK, and i've always been impressed. i suppose the above-referenced immaturity knows no national boundaries.

Yes, I'm startlingly immature. People who have a different sense of humour from yourself are by definition immature. *eyeroll*

point D: because it's inhumane and disgusting. note that i am pro-choice. no person who genuinely cares for mankind would actually advocate for MORE abortions.

If you think that abortion is so inhumane, I am quite surprised you refer to yourself as pro-choice. Wee bit of a contradiction. In fact, I think that pro-choicers making such a giant emotional fuss over how terrible/awful/tragic abortion is far more damaging than any number of silly jokes about dead babies (which btw, I've know people who consider themselves anti-abortion to enjoy, because you know, even pro-lifers sometimes have a sense of humour).

Personally I think it's inhumane to bring an unwanted child into the world. Abortion is far more humane solution than letting a kid drag up a kid, or a kid be born to people who'll resent and abuse it, or not have enough resources to care for it properly.

But anyway, enough with the serious debate. More jokes about lemon-fresh abortions, please!

[BreakTheTerror]

it's not. these issues are dividing the living shit out of this country. reasonable American citizens, as worried about the influence of George W. Bush and friends as anyone else, nonetheless voted for him because of "abortion and stem-cell research." i put it in quotes because i heard it verbatim from people. the UK doesn't have these problems. i know. the US does.

as to your previous post about abortions being used for, um, good, you just go on with your bad-ass eugenics-embracing self.

[Rinky vs.4.0]

the more that conservatives can make the case that liberals are hateful baby-killing reprobate bastards, the more that decent people will check the box for their candidates, further silencing intelligent discourse.



I wasn't aware the majority of pro-Bush supporters voted that way after browsing the fetus-joke threads at the forums for a representative sample of 'liberal' opinion.

If so, I guess Americans really ARE stupid. Who knew?

[Pete!]

I'm such a sexy Nazi!

[BreakTheTerror]

I wasn't aware the majority of pro-Bush supporters voted that way after browsing the fetus-joke threads at the forums for a representative sample of 'liberal' opinion.

If so, I guess Americans really ARE stupid. Who knew?

oh, please.

you get the point.

these flippant jokes are coming, in theory, from actual people sitting at their computers.

and anyway, i answered your assertion before you made it. scroll up to what i said about "if this is being said here, imagine..., etc."

[BreakTheTerror]

I'm such a sexy Nazi!

that would be a provocative t-shirt.

[Rinky vs.4.0]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v12/Helen/stalinistfetus.gif

With the power of the Stalinist Fetus icon, I hope to propel Yushenko to power in the Ukraine!

Who knew internet jokes had the power to change the world?

[BreakTheTerror]

don't be an ass.

and amen about Yushchenko.

[Rinky vs.4.0]

What a pyramid of piffle.

[Pete!]

So can we get back to our foetal cookery class? 'Cause I'm really keen on a Kiev partial-birth salad with a menstrual vinegarette.

[Master Shaman]

I think we should serve fetal pizza laced with sense-of-humor pills.

[Pete!]

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/40526000/jpg/_40526377_johnson_run203long.jpg

"After my morning run, I enjoy a hearty foetal protein shake, pulped from the remains of Michael Howard's unborn victims."

[Rinky vs.4.0]

Be careful to collect only the menstrual fluids from the second or third day of flow. And use them immediately. Never let me them sit overnight or use the stuff from the last day of flow unless you want your vinegarette to turn out cloudy and lumpy.

[BreakTheTerror]

ok, fuck it.

you folks be good.

daddy's gonna go home and make a mimosa.

[Master Shaman]

Put some amniotic fluid on it.

[BreakTheTerror]

nyet.

just good old OJ and the rest of the fantastic bottle of champagne i bought the other day.

[Master Shaman]

Your loss.

[phipc]

ok, glad that that's done.

[Pete!]

Chris, why have you got a flakey minge?

[Steve SFM]

oh, please.

you get the point.

these flippant jokes are coming, in theory, from actual people sitting at their computers.

and anyway, i answered your assertion before you made it. scroll up to what i said about "if this is being said here, imagine..., etc."

If this is being said here, what? It's being said here. Oddly enough, I'm quite capable of indulging in silly jokes about fetal recipes in one place, and engaging in serious conversations about the abortion issue in another.

It's called context. Look it up.

And here's a thought: if you don't find this thread funny, don't read it and don't post in it. There are a lot of things I don't find funny. I don't tell people that they're bad people because they disagree with my sense of humor. And I CERTAINLY don't assume that they can't have serious opinions about the same things that they're making jokes about.

BTT, you seem like a smart person, and I don't get that you're entirely without a sense of humor. It's odd to me, then, why you're being such a twat about this.

Sheesh.

*has a lovely breakfast of partial birth griddle cakes with fresh-tapped amniotic syrup*

Steve the Sweet Fat Man

[phipc]

Chris, why have you got a flakey minge?


i batter it with flour/ground foetal philanges. fry until golden brown!

[RapidFixer]

So, wait, wait...we're not being serious about this?

*pushes aside placental martini with umbilical cord parasol*

[Pete!]

It's odd to me, then, why you're being such a twat about this.


Woah! Steve!

If this is being said here, what? It's being said here. Oddly enough, I'm quite capable of indulging in silly jokes about fetal recipes in one place, and engaging in serious conversations about the abortion issue in another.


I'm not. Alright, I am, but I don't. This is exactly the kind of discussion I have with my friends in pubs, often drunkenly accosting complete strangers in the process. It's great fun!

[phipc]

it's all fun and games until you poke someone's eye out with a foetal limb.

[Steve SFM]

it's all fun and games until you poke someone's eye out with a foetal limb.

That's true.

Which is why Pete should be more careful carrying the foetal limbs around after he's sharpened them.

Steve the Sweet Fat Man

[phipc]

i like dropping them off my apartment building and seeing what they hit.

[Pete!]

I think Thom should tell us how to perform a partial-birth abortion in a limo.

[Steve SFM]

I think Thom should tell us how to perform a partial-birth abortion in a limo.

Many limos have small wet bars in them, right?

So, yeah. Corkscrews and ice tongs.

Steve the Sweet Fat Man

[phipc]

what he can perform beneath blue neon lights and a mini disco ball is truly amazing.

[Thom.]

it adds colour to the pictures opposing sides paint of each other. the more that conservatives can make the case that liberals are hateful baby-killing reprobate bastards, the more that decent people will check the box for their candidates, further silencing intelligent discourse.

got it?


You are a self-righteous twat and I hope you get impaled by boners. Really. Your stupidity amazes me.

Perhaps if you shoved that splintered piece of moldy wood out of your twat, you might stop being a prime candidate for euthenasia.

[Thom.]

I think Thom should tell us how to perform a partial-birth abortion in a limo.


Ah, back to the important things in this thread. Yes. This is an important issue that needs to be discussed.

One prime way to perform a partial birth abortion in a limo involves the removal of pants, so that the WANG can optimally impale the upper torso of partially birthed fetus. Additionally, partial birth fetuses can be WANGSLAPPED repeatedly until success is reached. The advantage of doing this in a limo is that SUPERWANGS will have the width and length to successfully perform the WANGPALEMENT of partial birth fetii.

In addition, you could use the power of BreakTheTerror's tight-assed-ness to crush any partial birth fetus, even those who have ultra thick skulls.

[Pete!]

Bwaffhzahaha. WANGSLAP.

Sometimes, when I'm naked and I don't have ten boners, I'll swing my hips side to side to WANGSLAP my own thighs. Then I record the sound of my WANGSLAP and set it to breakbeats and the sounds of babies howling as they're impaled upon boners, and the squelching noises made by abortions.

[Thom.]

hdaflkjhfa! Glorious.

Sometimes if my students get out of hand I'll drop trousers and WANGSLAP them until they cry. Then I use their tears as lubricant and WANGWANK on their face.

[Master Shaman]

I could only dream of teachers like that.

[jeth]

WANGSLAP!

*dies*
*gets in line*

[Thom.]

Everybody have wang tonight!

Everybody WANGSLAP tonight!

[Pete!]

Thom! AIM! We need to talk about Star Trek.

[insanitykun]

That's what humour is FOR. Having to constantly tread on eggshells around a subject for fear of offending tends to lead to more tension and resentment in the long run.

for instance, rape can be funny. when it's clown rape.

[Rinky vs.4.0]

Does clown rape produce funnier rape babies, do you think?

*googles*

[beauty of speed]

I just came all over this thread.

*wangslaps, post-[post86]*

[BreakTheTerror]

You are a self-righteous twat and I hope you get impaled by boners. Really. Your stupidity amazes me.

Perhaps if you shoved that splintered piece of moldy wood out of your twat, you might stop being a prime candidate for euthenasia.

oh wait. wow.

this thread wasn't important anymore until i saw this.

who the fuck do you think you are?

you sound like a total ass....... "i hope you get impaled by boners"?

it's like an ad hominem attack from a toddler!

by the way, the largest word you attempted to use is misspelled.

(yet i'm the stupid one. funny.)

[devnull]

*yawn*

*sips cafe au fetus*

[Master Shaman]

*spikes fetus cafe with vodka*

[Mordecai]

Who wants foetal chimichangas con habichuelas? They're muy hott and espicey!

[insanitykun]

*has pita stuffed with fetus [post28]*

[Thom.]

point A: of course it's not necessary to always be serious. no shit.

point B: this humour is not expressing ANY point. the Guardian's headline ("how can [whatever number it was] Americans be so dumb") after the election used humour to make a point. this is just, frankly, liberal people trying to be shocking but coming off as extremely childish.

point C: i addressed that question above. i'm mainly talking to the Americans, who make up a majority of the posters at this site. as an aside, i've spent some time in the UK, and i've always been impressed. i suppose the above-referenced immaturity knows no national boundaries.

point D: because it's inhumane and disgusting. note that i am pro-choice. no person who genuinely cares for mankind would actually advocate for MORE abortions.

god, people.

Someone needs a fetal Percocet enema.

You're still a self-righteous twat devoid of any sense of humor, so yes, I'm genetically superior to you in every way, and so is every other fetal felcher in this thread.

[TheSkeptic]

well felch me under the bearded barley, Breaktheterror sure does know how to spread her ignorance across a litany of threads!

Matt

[Adam]

He's a guy.

[Thom.]

And he's still a twat.

[IcecreamGestapo]

*eats cold fetus pizza for breakfast*

[The Quiet Storm]

well felch me under the bearded barley, Breaktheterror sure does know how to spread her ignorance across a litany of threads!

Matt


He is a guy.

And far cooler and more mature than the lot of you.

[Pete!]

Sorry Ni, but he does seem to be a prize wanker to me.

[The Quiet Storm]

Sorry Petekinski, but to me a few in this thread seem to be prize wankers to me.

[TheSkeptic]

oh, im so sorry I got the gender of a faceless twat wrong...i'll just resort to using "it" now.

Oh and I'm a very mature person Ni. I'm able to balance a bit of sillyness with a bit of seriousness...that's far more than I can say for people who seem to sit stone-faced at the screen all day long.

Matt

[Thom.]

And far cooler and more mature than the lot of you.

Which is exactly what this thread was created for - to display upright citizenry and the pinnacle of human discourse. In terms of masticating fetus.

[Pete!]

Well, I'll agree, Matt is a cock.

[TheSkeptic]

Well, I'll agree, Matt is a cock.
i'll go along with that.

[Fox in Socks]

i dont mean to disrupt my steady pattern of [lurk] but in all seriousness.....
is it fetus, foetus or featus? does the spelling influence the class of said product, e.g. if you buy a colouring book over a coloring book, we all know which is more posh.....so what if it buy fetal filet or foetal filet? which is best?

[TheSkeptic]

foetus = UK spelling
fetus = US spelling

You guys got rid of all the oe's and ae's and other pesky Greek/Latin letter combinations.

Matt

[Fox in Socks]

foetus = UK spelling
fetus = US spelling

You guys got rid of all the oe's and ae's and other pesky Greek/Latin letter combinations.

Mattbut does it make said fe84treuifs any tastier if you have it with kippers over apple pie?

[Master Shaman]

It does if you spice it up with some curry.

[Steve SFM]

*loverates elisa's reasonableness and insight*

*dots her*

*hits the tethered partial-birth back at her*

Steve the Sweet Fat Man

[TheSkeptic]

is it tethered by its underdeveloped spinal chord?

*bats it at denali*

[Fox in Socks]

*spikes at matt*
*laughs as grey matter splashes about*

what do you all think of fetus sushi? mmmm WASABI!

[TheSkeptic]

i prefer foetus thermadore...

Rip the bugger out of ex-mothers uterus and plunge it straight into a vat of boiling water...gives it a wonderful pink colour and fresh flavour.

Matt

[Fox in Socks]

i dunno, sounds notsofresh....i mean, if im having fetus i want it so fresh it has a tail....hizzah!

[TheSkeptic]

that's true, i do like a bit of extra-rare foetus every now and then.

Just plunge a needle through its skull and wipe its arse...its ready to serve

[Steve SFM]

Oh, but the thing about Pete's boner is, when he swings it around and puts someone's eye out, it's probably deliberate. He is, in fact, probably aiming his boner at the eye in question.

So, I do think that warning him that he might put an eye out with his boner is probably superfluous.

Steve the Sweet Fat Man

[Master Shaman]

aww!
And I had my baseball bat ready.

[Fox in Socks]

aww!
And I had my baseball bat ready.

quiet! im hunting fetuses

[phipc]

btw, please only buy dolphin-friendly canned foetus. down by the docks, some backalley abortionists have been clubbing rape bebes AND dolphins. [blue]

[Mordecai]

I only buy kosher fetus, myself.

[phipc]

why do you hate gentile fetii. can't we all just get along?

[Fox in Socks]

agreed. just cuz it's blessed dont make it the best

[jeth]

Now now. Everyone knows fetus straight from the
fetal farm (http://www.jeremiahhouse.org/) is the best and freshest fetus around!

[Pete!]

We provide a positive alternative to abortion...

Pffft. Abortion is the positive alternative! Abortion is love!

[jeth]

I bet Rachelle's mom is thinking that same thing right about now.

[Pete!]

Aafxazzahaha.

Mother Has Abortion So Daughter Won't Grow Up, Get LiveJournal and KILL HER.

[jeth]

That smells like FACTS!, which belong down the hall.

*points with finger fetus mice*

[Pete!]

ABORT YOUR DAUGHTER!
Before SHE aborts YOU!

[jeth]

Maybe you should sideline in making bumper stickers?

Then someday your bumper stickers might be sitting right next to Rachelle's handiwork with the license plates.

Karmic justice, yes?

[Master Shaman]

What's on the fetal menu today?

[phipc]

i just had some masticated tandoori chicken fetal kneecaps. partially birthed. so tender.

[Mrs.Rollins]

Just back from Jamba Juice. I've taken the Fetal Spinal Fluid Nosh with a shot of wheatgrass and a twist of amniotic. Such a wake-me-up after the holidays.

[TheSkeptic]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/nol/shared/spl/hi/pop_ups/04/health_inside_the_body/img/10.jpg

This is the lining of your rectum.

It looks like there's toilet paper stuck in it, but Im assured thats just cells. A foetus is just really a lump of cells. Therefore, foeti look like toilet paper.

Matt :O

[Master Shaman]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/nol/shared/spl/hi/pop_ups/04/health_inside_the_body/img/10.jpg

This is the lining of your rectum.

It looks like there's toilet paper stuck in it, but Im assured thats just cells. A foetus is just really a lump of cells. Therefore, foeti look like toilet paper.

Matt :O
Now you REALLY made me hungry.

[Pete!]

Damn. I could really go for some rectal lining right about now.

[Thom.]

Damn. I could really go for some rectal lining right about now.


Okay, okay. I'll get on AIM.

[swirly]

Irn-Bru Fetus (http://www.visit4info.com/details.cfm?adid=9410)

swirly

xxx

[swirly]

I must boost irn-bru fetus... really... I'm sure the more boosting I do and the more advertising for their product they'll give me loads of cash!!

;l;l;l

swirly

xxx

[Thom.]

It is fabulous.

[swirly]

Oh they do make the best adverts... shame fuckwits keep complaining about them...

[bonk]

swirly

xxx

[jeth]

AHAHAHAHA.
I love it.

Why can't we have risque advertising like that in the US? Bah!

[Fox in Socks]

mmmm...have you heard of new rocky road fetus?! its brains and bone and a secret ingredient.....tastes so delic!

[jeth]

Oooh, what's the secret ingredient?

If it's not placenta, I'll be very disappointed.

[TheSkeptic]

its placenta alright!
elephant placenta
http://medicine.ucsd.edu/cpa/Images/Large/elep02.jpg

[Pete!]

Too much afterbirth, not enough abortion.

Prioritize, people.

[Mrs.Rollins]

Your love ran down my leg and now you're gone. But our spent fetus will make a lovely coffee cake when I have my new boyfriend over!

[TheSkeptic]

Too much afterbirth, not enough abortion.

Prioritize, people.
this is true...why have afterbirth, when you can make your very own PREbirth.

Matt

[Pete!]

Or anti-birth.

[Mordecai]

Or meta-abortion. As in performing an abortion on a fetus's fetus while being aborted yourself.

[Master Shaman]

pregnant feti are huge whores.

[eros luciferchilde]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/nol/shared/spl/hi/pop_ups/04/health_inside_the_body/img/10.jpg

This is the lining of your rectum.

If you want inside her well, boy you better make her rectally twirl!


http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v516/eroslfc/forumz/RectallyTwirl.jpg

[Mordecai]

They should keep their dirty little cartilaginous half-formed legs shut. Then maybe they wouldn't have to use meta-abortion as if it were a contraceptive. Shit.

[Mordecai]

^^ dingleberry swirl. ;)

[Master Shaman]

or at least get on the fucking pill.

[Mrs.Rollins]

I always imagine Vik stumbling onto this thread and her head exploding all over the monitor.

[Mrs.Rollins]

Then Simon walks in, sees her gray matter sprayed in a lovely abstract pattern all about the room, and says, "Blimey! Who'll cook me dinner now? Oh well, at least there'll be no more sex. Thank god for that!"

[Master Shaman]

They'll probably chill after a couple of glasses of Long Island Amniotic Juice.

[Pete!]

Man, can you imagine that? I'd rather bury my face in a post-rectal meta-abortion and gnaw on the gristly bits than tuck in to a slice of Vik's pie.

[TheSkeptic]

*edited so thread doesnt get closed*

[Pete!]

This thread's totally going to get closed, isn't it?

[TheSkeptic]

This thread's totally going to get closed, isn't it?
i edited it; good point.

Matt

[jeth]

Someone PM me the dirty laundry?

[Thom.]

If you want inside her well, boy you better make her rectally twirl!


http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v516/eroslfc/forumz/RectallyTwirl.jpg


I love you so fucking much it hurts. But then that makes it feel even better.

[Thom.]

Actually, I love you all so very, very much, and I wish I could have seen what was the original post of Matt's that could have gotten the thread potentially closed.

I have a full day at grad school and I come home to the warm mashings of fetus and PIE and anus. There is still hope for this world.

[jeth]

It's photoshopalicious!

:p

[Master Shaman]

Why is this thread on page 2?

Anyway, what would make fetus pie yummier? Cinnamon or lime?

[jeth]

Lime. It'd be like a tropical vacation compared to the womb! Think of the unborn children!

[Master Shaman]

I think cinnamon would be good too. I mean, it could be a layer of apples, a layer of fetus, and all that in a crusty placenta.

[TheSkeptic]

I think cinnamon would be good too. I mean, it could be a layer of apples, a layer of fetus, and all that in a crusty placenta.
if you're gonna follow that recipe, I'd add a pinch of foetal nuts-meg to create a seasonal treat.
Matt :O

[Mrs.Rollins]

BANNED™ feto-fatally.

[Master Shaman]

Well... at least I'm not hungry anymore.

[TheSkeptic]

Well... at least I'm not hungry anymore.
have you had your 3 square fetii for the day already?

I've had 2...my other one's setting as we speak. I can smell the aroma wafting over from the fridge as we speak though.

Matt :O

[beauty of speed]

I'm currently eating sun-dried fetii. That aged, smoky taste really goes well with the chewy texture.

*edit* And I think I shall now forever sing "Rectally Twirl" instead of the paltry original lyrics.

[Master Shaman]

Well... I've been getting a bit chubby lately, so I only eat Diet FetusTM. It's not as good, cause it's fat-free, but it gets me through the day.

[Mrs.Rollins]

FETUS is low in carbs.

[beauty of speed]

FETUS is low in carbs.
And in Trans Fat. Unless it's a hermaphrodite.

[Mrs.Rollins]

FETUS is quite rich in lipids and amino acids, although it's also high in calories. I say: indulge!

[Steve SFM]

I was gonna say that FETUS was Atkins-friendly, but you know what? I think this thread is stagnating just a bit.

We need someone else to come in to tell us all that we're bad people. That would liven things up a bit.

Steve the Sweet Fat Man

[Pete!]

Maybe we should start a new thread called Love Your Abortion; it's squishy and cute!

[beauty of speed]

I agree, Steve. I think we need Thom and Pete back in tip-top insulting shape. I want to see the words "twat," "salmon," and "Drano" used in the same word, directed at someone.

I think I'd be forced to sacrifice a fatted fetus to both of them if that happened.

[TheSkeptic]

FETUS is low in carbs. http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v222/MattyC82/foetway2.jpg (http://bunnysnoog.cyborgcow.net/)

Matt :O

[Mrs.Rollins]

fadfhasdfajhsdfas!!!

Oh god, just you people wait until I get the internet on the 'puter at home. Photoshop will be my bitch.

[TheSkeptic]

i only use MSPaint...i'z too poor for photoshop. Maybe ill invest tho.

Matt :O

[Master Shaman]

Not to mention that suprnova.org is down.

[Mrs.Rollins]

Photoshop intimidates me. I've played with it the tiniest bit at home, and...well...I'm lost. But we'll see what happens.

[beauty of speed]

I'm playing with Photoshop for work currently.

I used it to defile the Monster.com logo the other day. (I work for a competitor)

I also used it to put monkey heads in martini glasses and vases during the whole "DEAD ANIMALS ARE NOT ART!*$#(*$*!*!" crisis. But they went largely unnoticed :(

[Mrs.Rollins]

! I remember that 'shop. It was lovely.

*tears*

[beauty of speed]

Aww. I'll go sacrifice a fatted fetus for you now.

*weaves dreamcatchers out of umbilical cords*

[Mrs.Rollins]

They better not be FAKE™ dreamcatchers. And be sure to leave use the placenta in place of feathers and beads.

[beauty of speed]

They better not be FAKE™ dreamcatchers. And be sure to leave use the placenta in place of feathers and beads.
Oh, don't you doubt it!

The center will comprise of each of the 10 underformed toes and then the two black eye-dot thingies.

It really brings me back to my center. The center of 10 Boners. 10 Toes. 10 Boners.

[post100]

[RapidFixer]

I just had some fetal yogurt. It was supposed to be the kind with chunks of the bottom. I think they were synthetic. But I added my own placental jimmies. I couldn't find my spoon so I had to use the nearest coathanger. :(

I wonder if vomiting said yogurt would mean I embrace the sanctity of life or abhor it? [post100]

[Pete!]

I want to go to the States and picket those crazies that picket clinics. I will chant "Abortion is love!" and "Babies are shit!" at them. And they will tremble before my boners.

[TheSkeptic]

I want to go to the States and picket those crazies that picket clinics. I will chant "Abortion is love!" and "Babies are shit!" at them. And they will tremble before my boners.
can i come?

[RapidFixer]

I actually prefer to think of abortion as tough love...at least when done correctly and with a dull knife.

[beauty of speed]

I actually prefer to think of abortion as tough love...at least when done correctly and with a dull knife.
Or if the fetus is slightly overcooked.

[eros luciferchilde]

I love you so fucking much it hurts. But then that makes it feel even better.
Haha! Love hurts. Indeed.

Though I think it's pretty apparent how rectal lining will never replace foetus, no matter how you rectally twirl it. But if you like that single, go buy the album!

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v516/eroslfc/forumz/FoeriAmos.jpg

[beauty of speed]

[heaven]

The marriage of foetus and machine.

*sheds tear*

[Steve SFM]

This thread is right on track again.

Abortion is love!

Steve the Sweet Fat Man

[RapidFixer]

The Scraped '98 club tour was hands down the best.

[Pete!]

Though I think it's pretty apparent how rectal lining will never replace foetus

I dunno. I'm really leaning towards rectal lining here.

[Thom.]

Fetal rectal lining?

[beauty of speed]

http://img33.exs.cx/img33/8823/utp.jpg

[Thom.]

All of you. Naked. In my bed. Now.

[beauty of speed]

*strips* Fuck me in fetus position!