Visit to see Dad!!!!

[JulieS911]

I wondered if anyone can help me - i am really struggling to be excited about my children going to stay with their Dad for the summer.
He lives in Thailand and doesn't hardly bother with them all year - he never sends money and hardly phones them - but when it comes to the summer holiday he pleads with them to visit him.
This year they are going on 25th July and coming back on the 27th August - I left the dates etc entirely up to them and he has booked the flights.
I will just miss them so much - it's not fair that I get the year round 'have you done your homework?' 'get up for school?' etc and he gets the fun of the summer holiday.
I know it will give me a break - but everytime they go I feel so lost and empty - I sit in their bedrooms and smell their clothes - it is so hard.
How does anyone else cope with this? I know it is important for them to know their Dad - but he doesn't deserve it.

[CocaineLipgloss]

well, i guess it doesn't matter if the dad deserves it or not. i bet your kids are pretty thrilled to go and be with him, so i guess you just have to look at it that way. i sort of did this with my parents while growing up and i was really glad to get to spend time with both of them, even if it wasn't equal time. i don't know how my parents coped with it, my brother and i were older so i think that probably made it easier for them to deal with.

[Cheri]

Yeah even in so-called normal families mom's basically get the dirty work. I am so blessed that my kids dad didnt want them around and I didnt have to go through that. We even gave Joel a choice next year for his 21st birthday. Either have a slamming party or go to NY to confront his bio-dad and he chose the party.

[angeles]

I'll reply because I understand. Do you have any friends to hang out with? Try to do fun stuff for yourself. The advice is from my therapist. I know that it's a lot easier said than done. My son was gone for 2 weeks and my depression was really low. The first couple days were good, but after that I was really missing him. Do you have anyone to confide in about this that is close to where you live? A therapist or a really good friend? I know that if my parent's had not offered to take me on vacation with them and the rest of my family, I probably would have done something stupid that I wouldn't have been able to take back. Please keep me informed. I really do understand your feelings of despare especially when the only thing that keeps you alive is gone.

[hugs] xo, Stephanie

[Autumn]

My daughter is at her dad's right now. She returns on August 20th.

I feel the same way you do, in that he makes no effort throughout the year, but expects her to be there for the summer. What's worse is that he really doesn't spend time with her while she's there, but rather makes his girlfriend do all the work. He has his other son (by another woman, not the one he is with) there for the summer also. His girlfriend took the summer off work so she could stay with them. Meanwhile, he's at the bar most of the time. He never calls her and never writes her. She gets letters from her dad that are strangely in a woman's handwriting. He didn't even call her send her a gift for her birthday this year.

We've been doing it since she was four, so I'm kind of used to it now. I miss her a whole lot, but I decided this summer I was going to keep myself super busy so I don't dwell on it too often. We've been busy with yard work, and I've decided this is the summer I'm getting back into shape. While I hate it that she has to go, I've come to terms with it and decided that this will be the summer of ME. August 20th will be here before I know it, I'm sure.

Hang in there. I know it's rough, but your children really do enjoy the time with their dad, as my daughter does (or what little time she gets to be with him). She thinks the world of him, and I could never take that away from her. I will, however, rejoice silently when she finally realizes what a jerk he is. :)