moms and dads of teens

[Ramba]

i'm struggling with two teen boys. they both want independence, but can't seem to handle the responibility end of it, in order to get it. does anyone else have similar problems? do you know of any websites or information, parent groups, or have any advice on dealing with teens? i don't think there are too many parents of teens in these forums, but if there are...help?

[ej]

We're almost there. We're beginning to see signs of the same, but we're still at a point where we can increase freedoms and jerk the chain back if there are signs that those freedoms are being abused. There's going to come a point, I suspect, where they're going to have to make the mistakes and deal with the consequences of those mistakes. In an ideal world, you'll have prepared them adequately so that the choice they make limits the range of those consequences, though.

[JulieS911]

Hiya

In our house we have 4 teenagers and all the problems associated with them.
My partners 2 children are 18 and 16 and have led very sheltered lives - they have been taxied everywhere, have never been allowed to go into town on their own and really have never done anything independently.
When the eldest hit 18, my partner decided that he was now old enough and he has passed his driving test - now we get phonecalls in the middle of the night - he has lost his car keys and is stranded, his tyre is flat 100 miles away from home etc and he has no skills to sort himself out.
My children are not perfect but from being around 10 I have given them a bit of independence - they can meet their friends on the park etc. and alongside that came the responsibility to behave and be back on time etc. When they were 13 I let them go shopping in town with friends - they don't know that for the first few times i followed them to make sure they were ok!!!
Now my son is 17 and my daughter is 14 - they catch buses into town and meet their friends, go to concerts etc. and hang around our village. They know the consequences of any misbehaviour and so far I have had no problems - i think you have to let your children grow up slowly by letting them have small privilages but also be clear of the boundaries.
My children have small jobs, look after their money and help around the house and in return I give them their independence.
Hope this helps!!!!!

[Ramba]

thanks ej, you don't even want to know how many times their chains have been yanked. :D but, they are changing very fast. almost daily, it seems their priorities get a major overhaul. i know i taught them right from wrong, and now it is more of a "let them make their own mistakes" game. it's harder than i thought it would be.

hi julie. [hugs] where i grew up, was a lot different from where my kids are growing up, and because if that i think i sheltered them more than i should have. i've always been home for them, too. even when i worked, i worked from home, and they've gotten used to me doing for them. i'm now facing going out to work so consequently, they're having to grow up a little faster than they normally would.

[Ms.Mayo]

i am a step mom to 2 teens and i can't believe how hard it is with them in comparison to how it was when my 20 year old was a teen.
the lack of respect is just unbelievable,...i guess it may be more of a step parent thing rather then rotton teens.
*pulling my hair out*

[Vampira]

ive got a 13 yr old she has independence