Child Free = Child Hater? WTF?

[Thom.]

Why do people assume this?

[Kari]

Becuz we're not real womyn!1111







In all seriousness, I have no idea. I far from hate children. I just don't want them.

[Tyler]

Because we do. [post04]

No, I don't know why they assume this. It was about a month ago, a friend of mine's sister came over to show off her baby. I told her it was cute and she asked if I had plans to have kids. I told her simply "not really."
she was offended. She asked "why? what's wrong with them?"
She asked it as if I couldn't stand babies. She is CRAZY

[Torg]

It seems to come down to societal norms. It's like when people get married they are bombarded with questions about when the first kid is going to be hatched. Same with when you buy a house.

[Rinky vs.4.0]

Because it's an awful lot easier to indulge in knee-jerk reactions than to actually take in a more complex point of view.

[Alex]

she was offended. She asked "why? what's wrong with them?"

I would counter that with, "are you so insecure about your decision to breed that you have to convince others to do so?"

I mean, seriously. Why is it so hard to understand that what someone does or doesn't do with their private parts is nobody's business but their own?

[Rinky vs.4.0]

I would counter that with, "are you so insecure about your decision to breed that you have to convince others to do so?"

I mean, seriously. Why is it so hard to understand that what someone does or doesn't do with their private parts is nobody's business but their own?

I got into this with an old (now ex) friend over the phone last year. She'd had children since we last spoke and she decided to get offended at my lack of interest in having any of my own and take it as a slur against her own choices and tell me I was 'rude' for not 'admitting' I could change my mind. It was fucking unbelievable the way she went off at me. I later received an email telling me I 'must reply and apologize within ___ days' or she would consider the friendship over. I deleted it and got on with my day, as it was clear to me by then we had nothing left in common or anything productive to say to each other anymore.

It's so ridiculous. I would like a cat. However, I don't go around berating people who tell me they don't want a cat or hate cats and telling them they will change their mind and they don't know what they're missing. So why do people take my lack of interest in reproducing as a slur against their choice to do so? It shrieks of insecurity to me.

[Alex]

^yep. It goes around in so many other areas. People in relationships looking down on single people is another example.

It just sort of amazes me that it's the 21st century. Women's Lib and Gay Lib happened in the 60s and we're still dealing with narrow minded shit about people's personal choices over their sexuality/reproducive function.

[Kari]

I got into this with an old (now ex) friend over the phone last year. She'd had children since we last spoke and she decided to get offended at my lack of interest in having any of my own and take it as a slur against her own choices and tell me I was 'rude' for not 'admitting' I could change my mind. It was fucking unbelievable the way she went off at me. I later received an email telling me I 'must reply and apologize within ___ days' or she would consider the friendship over. I deleted it and got on with my day, as it was clear to me by then we had nothing left in common or anything productive to say to each other anymore.
.

Are you SERIOUS???? You're "rude" for not "admitting" you could change your mind???????? How the fuck is that RUDE???

[bang]

[Alex]

and additionally it gets my goat when someone gives a potential adoptive parent for wanting to adopt instead of "having their own." what sort of shit is that? no, these children who need homes aren't as worthy as the product of one's DNA. :r

[Alex]

Are you SERIOUS???? You're "rude" for not "admitting" you could change your mind???????? How the fuck is that RUDE???

[bang]

I know, right? If someone were to send me an email like that, I would have done what Helen did. Caressed the lovely delete button.

[Rinky vs.4.0]

Are you SERIOUS???? You're "rude" for not "admitting" you could change your mind???????? How the fuck is that RUDE???

[bang]

Yeah. I think she's lost touch with reality in the past half decade or so, frankly. I just heard from a mutual (childed) friend that she'd pulled a similiar stunt on her regarding another subject and she'd since received an similiarly imperious ultimatum regarding their friendship too. She's turned into the snot-nosed, interfering SAHM from hell. It's such a shame - she used to be pretty cool back in the day when we lived together. Now I barely recognise the person she used to be.

[Kari]

^ No shit she's lost touch with reality! My GOD!

People.

[Rinky vs.4.0]

^yep. It goes around in so many other areas. People in relationships looking down on single people is another example.

It just sort of amazes me that it's the 21st century. Women's Lib and Gay Lib happened in the 60s and we're still dealing with narrow minded shit about people's personal choices over their sexuality/reproducive function.

Tell me about it. And often from people you'd expect better from, too. I mean, it's hardly unexpected when some brainwashed religiotard insists biology is destiny and blah blah fishcakes, but when you get it from people who you know don't have that excuse, it's saddening and infuriating.

[Alex]

^well, that biology is destiny thing is just so stupid.

I've heard from lesbians that yeah, at a certain age they felt the "pull"--some told me that men suddenly became more attractive because of it. But then they just shrugged it off and went on with their lives.

I mean if everyone just paid attention to their biological urges to reproduce, there'd be a lot of messed up kids in the world. I think people should be grateful that there are people making CHOICES and not just going "oops, I got pregnant!"

[Charles:]

I later received an email telling me I 'must reply and apologize within ___ days' or she would consider the friendship over.



WTF? Is she on the Parenting Association of America's enforcement agency?

I can just imagine the other emails she sends out

Dear Miss/Mr _____
It's recently come to our attention that you have not been participating in one or more of the following PAA activites
[x] Commiting more than 3 sexual reproductive activties within a week
[ ] Failing to meet your monthly recruitment of 4 commited breeders
[ ] Refusing to use any contraceptive device or mean
[ ] Posting at least 4 topics of discussion on the PAA internet forums

Please show proof of compliance within 30 days of receipt of this email or we'll be forced to perform disciplinarian actions.

Thank you and the children are the future,

Stupid whore

[Kari]

;l;l;l

[Boomer #8]

I got into this with an old (now ex) friend over the phone last year. She'd had children since we last spoke and she decided to get offended at my lack of interest in having any of my own and take it as a slur against her own choices and tell me I was 'rude' for not 'admitting' I could change my mind. It was fucking unbelievable the way she went off at me. I later received an email telling me I 'must reply and apologize within ___ days' or she would consider the friendship over. I deleted it and got on with my day, as it was clear to me by then we had nothing left in common or anything productive to say to each other anymore.


.

I'm sorry, would it be mean if I laugh? I'm gonna do it anyway *laughs*. .I find it quite hilarious, pathetic and sad. Very sad.
Good for you that she's an ex friend. I mean, with that attitude, who wants to be friends with her?

[Thom.]

WTF? Is she on the Parenting Association of America's enforcement agency?

I can just imagine the other emails she sends out

Dear Miss/Mr _____
It's recently come to our attention that you have not been participating in one or more of the following PAA activites
[x] Commiting more than 3 sexual reproductive activties within a week
[ ] Failing to meet your monthly recruitment of 4 commited breeders
[ ] Refusing to use any contraceptive device or mean
[ ] Posting at least 4 topics of discussion on the PAA internet forums

Please show proof of compliance within 30 days of receipt of this email or we'll be forced to perform disciplinarian actions.

Thank you and the children are the future,

Stupid whore


This post is so hot.

[nirak]

I have to admit, some children are just snots. :P

But I like most of my families kids ok.

[Thom.]

I find it funny that St. T has equated these two things. Just sayin'.

[jeth]

I don't hate kids. I just don't want to be responsible for raising one. End of story.

[Steve SFM]

You know, if any "friend" of mine sent me an email that contained instructions on how to respond, I wouldn't just delete it. I'd send that person Tubgirl daily for at least three months.

That's all I have to add. Carry on.

Steve the Sweet Fat Man

[madworld]

and additionally it gets my goat when someone gives a potential adoptive parent for wanting to adopt instead of "having their own." what sort of shit is that? no, these children who need homes aren't as worthy as the product of one's DNA. :r

That's absolutely fucked up on every level. [post40] If my parents hadn't adopted me, i don't know where i'd be... They couldn't have children of their own.. Why on earth would people look down on them for welcoming a baby without a home into their family? They adopted two kids, me and my brother, and damn we lucked out with some good parents. :e
I don't even want to associate with someone who looks down on adoption. Sure, it would be beautiful to make a baby with the one you love, but what if you can't? Or what if you feel compassion for the children who can't find homes? People that adopt, i admire the hell out of them.

[Rinky vs.4.0]

You know, if any "friend" of mine sent me an email that contained instructions on how to respond, I wouldn't just delete it. I'd send that person Tubgirl daily for at least three months.



I'm too classy for tubgirl.

I just bitched up a storm on Livejournal for about two hours.

Seriously, I was pissed off about it for quite a long time. The phone call was bad enough - I was patient with her until she made it clear that she was offended by my lack of interest in children and then I basically told her to get a life and ended the call (by which I mean slammed the phone down). To get that ridiculously stupid email afterwards was just the icing on the stupidity cake.

I was actually glad when another friend of mine told me she'd been equally weird with her later. She'd had to cancel two appointments to meet up because of her sick, elderly mother - and Ms. SnottyBritches basically laid down the ultimatum that if it 'happened again' she would consider their friendship over. Unsurprisingly enough, my friend considered the friendship over when she said THAT to her.

Some people. I swear to god .....

[SMMY]

^That's not a friendship, that's being held hostage by someone who clearly has a whole plateful of issues. I am pretty much the only one in my circle of female friends who has chosen not to have children. They have all been respectful of my decision, but that's because they are wonderful well-adjusted people. :D

[Rinky vs.4.0]

My longest-standing friend has a nine year old daughter, actually, and it has never been a bone of contention in any way between us that I am not interested in having children and she (rather late in life, at age 40) chose to. I ask how the kid is when we talk and she tells me and we spend most of our time talking about the stuff we always had in common - art, books, work, life etc. I think she actually likes the fact that she can talk about that stuff with me - she's told me repeatedly how she doesn't fit in with the 'mummy types' at her daughter's school.

[SMMY]

You know the friends that I have that are the most accepting of my decision are the ones that waited until later in life to have children themselves. Maybe it's because they postphoned childrearing until they had started their careers that they understand why I chose not to have them in the first place.

[iciclespark]

and additionally it gets my goat when someone gives a potential adoptive parent for wanting to adopt instead of "having their own." what sort of shit is that? no, these children who need homes aren't as worthy as the product of one's DNA. :r

Reminds me of IVF fans who think the government should pay for their in vitro and if someone suggests they adopt, they throw horrific tantrums about having the right to have a child that is THEIRS.

Even when I was a teen and still fencesitting, I never EVER wanted to have my own. I wanted to adopt, because I felt bad for so many kids feeling unloved. I didn't feel it was right to be having your own children while these kids languish in group homes. Eventually I decided I didn't want kids period, but I cannot understand the mentality of "if it's not MY DNA, it's not good enough". Why is your DNA sooooooo perfect?

As for Rinky's friend, I had a similar one. I don't talk to her anymore because she apparently is 'more mature' because she is 'married' and she 'has a house' and 'wants a family'. That's fucking special. Many people have houses. I'm planning to be married. It doesn't excuse going psycho out of nowhere, drawing lines in imaginary sandboxes and dictating who can be your friend and what rules they must follow to stay in your good graces... yeesh.

[curly11]

Every one has to be respectful of what you decide is good for your life, and Rinky, your "friend" had no right to act like "hers" is the right way to go. Because you haven't been offended by her deciding to have children so it works both ways.

I have friends who have no children by choice, who love mine, but won't have their own, so the perception that all child free people don't like children needs to be changed.

[SMMY]

um, current events alert: please look at the date of the thread. It was well over a year ago. Reading is fundamental.

[curly11]

opps, sorry about that

[iansgirl]

people say that to me but then again i actually do hate kids

[sabrina37]

Yeah i have definitely experienced the sensation of my body wanting to produce babies and man it's scary! But i do my best to ignore that pesky "call" and it goes away after a couple days and sanity returns. Phew.

I guess it's just the way most people think. It's like the ultimate goal: get married, and have babies! So when i tell people I don't want to do either, they are pretty shocked... and assume it's because i dislike kids, or am just generally insane :P