kid free life

[felicia25]

When i was younger, like lots of young girls i suppose, i dreamed of getting married and having kids then as i got older i still thought i wanted them but thought i'd have them "one day" when i was ready.

when i was 22 i got married to a wonderful man, we never spoke too much of kids but both assumed we would have them because 'that's what you do" but after a while i decided that kids weren't really for me, they annoyed me to no end when i saw them, i don't get all gooey when i see a baby and i just don't want them...ever.

i spoke to my husband about it because i thought maybe this was something that was important to him and i didn't want to let him down, at first he seemed a little hurt and didn't say too much, then, about a month later he sat me down and we had a talk about it.

he basically said that he felt we should have kids because that's what you do when you get married right? but when he really thought about it he wasn't that fussed and that they annoyed him too, in the end we decided that we won't be having kids and that they aren't for us.....i celebrated that night by the way lol

now we have decided not to have kids we have these issues with family, our family are Christians, Baptist, we are too and beleive in our religion but all of the women in the family have just had babies, almost one after the other and everytime they see me they say, so when are you having a baby? i usually just shrug, they then say 'ohhh, you will have one when your ready" grrrrrrr

no i won't, and i don't want one lol

i know there's all sorts of things i could say but i do love my family and don't want to upset them, so is there a tactful way to let them know that i don't want a baby?

and what is the big deal anyway? isn't it better to not have one if you aren't the type of person who wants to be a mother?

i never will understand people that try to get someone to have a kid when they don't want to, it is something you really really have to want 100%, it's a lifetime commitment, the type of commitment i don't want, am i selfish? maybe...do i care? no lol

fantastic forum idea btw, it's great to have somewhere to chat without being flamed.


felicia

[jeth]

Your best bet is just to tell them flat out that you and your husband have had a discussion about what you want out of your shared lives together and children are not in the equation. If you have overbearing parents who just cannot wait to be grandparents they'll probably be a little upset, but if you have siblings they can turn around and lay that pressure on someone else instead.

You are not obligated to conform to anyone else's ideas of how to live your life. If you don't want kids then don't have them. I'd rather see people electing not to bring children into this world that they don't necessarily want than see people having kids and treating them badly/indifferently because they never wanted them in the first place.

[Charles:]

Tell them God came to you in a prophecy and told you to remain childfree. God said it was your purpose in life. Then joke "At least he didn't ask me to kill one of my family members" Then glare at them all wiley and crazy like.

[felicia25]

Your best bet is just to tell them flat out that you and your husband have had a discussion about what you want out of your shared lives together and children are not in the equation. If you have overbearing parents who just cannot wait to be grandparents they'll probably be a little upset, but if you have siblings they can turn around and lay that pressure on someone else instead.

You are not obligated to conform to anyone else's ideas of how to live your life. If you don't want kids then don't have them. I'd rather see people electing not to bring children into this world that they don't necessarily want than see people having kids and treating them badly/indifferently because they never wanted them in the first place.


Thankyou,

i am going to just have to come out and say it because they don't listen to subtle hints lol

and your right, it's better not to have one at all rather than have a kid you don't want.

my nan is the worst, she's not a christian but she has this thing that because all my cousins have had kids i should have one now[shock]

sigh

i'm sure it will be fine anyway, i'm just terrible at telling people things i know they won't want to hear....but it is my life.

what i don't get is if they like kids so much why don't they have another one themselves, instead of perstering me?

family....[pan]


thanks again


felicia

[Boomer #8]

Well, you could always use as an arguement that everybody else have had kids, and now you don't have to. The family legacy is safe.

[Rinky vs.4.0]

Tact isn't required. It's not like they're not going to notice you don't have kids if you keep it quiet. Just state your stance, and tell them it is non-negotiable and that fussing and nagging won't change things one iota. It's YOUR life, not theirs, and only YOU get to say how you run it. Do you tell them how to live their lives? No, and they should return that favour.

It horrifies me that people have kids 'because that's what you do'. It's so mindless. We have the ability as sentient creatures to weigh up options and consider how things affect us and make the best decisions for ourselves. Animals have offspring on instinct and biological imperative and nothing more. I like to think as creatures with free will, we're a little better than that.

[Kari]

I think that having a child because it's "what people do" is the WORST reason to have a child. It's up there with "unconditional love" and "genetic legacy".

Good luck with your fam, Felicia. They may not like what you have to say, but it's your body, your life and your choice, and they will get over it as soon as someone else in your family pops one out to keep them satisfied for a while.

[Fox in Socks]

tell them you enjoy sleeping.

[wazzupflow]

tell them you have a more creative idea on how to spend your life.

[Geeky]

Get your tubes tied. It ends all arguements!

"you'll have one when you're ready...you'll change your mind, "...

"Not bloody likely, my tubes are tied!"

End Of Arguement

That's one reason why I had mine done...At 23yrs old, I couldn't IMAGINE having to hear "you'll change your mind" for the next 15 or 20 years. Saying "My tubes are tied" pretty much ends the argument.

[jeth]

^ Many doctors in the US will not tie your tubes unless you've had a kid or reached some magic number age like 30. I've already ranted about doctors who put your future fertility over your long-term heath before so I'm not getting into it again, but I will say that if you found a doctor who would tie your tubes at such a young age count yourself very, very lucky.

[Geeky]

I always heard that too, but here I am in TX, heart of the bible belt, even and I had very little trouble finding a doc to do it. I mentioned it to my regular gyno and at first he said no...I said, "before you say no, let's me explain how I feel about children." Two minutes later, he stopped me in mid-sentence and said, "Ok you talked me into it." He scheduled my Essure and the rest was history!

I think doctors are becoming more open minded to the idea, as more and more young women make the choice to remain child-free. I believe if you look hard enough, you can find someone to do it...I was lucky in that I didn't have to look any further than my regular doc.

[jeth]

I'm glad it worked so well for you, but I know my situation has been a much different story, and now that my insurance has changed the rules yet again I'm limited to just two doctors in the OBGYN field that I can see, both of whom specialize in fertility treatments. I highly doubt that I will be convincing them to cut it all out anytime soon unless my prognosis takes a seriously bad turn.

[Rinky vs.4.0]

You can get your tubes tied on the NHS in the UK - if you'recoming to the end of your reproductive life AND have already have children. Fat lot of use that is to, you know, CHILDFREE people who wish to remain that way.

[ThyGuy]

I'm also 23 and plan never to have children. My parents try to tell me about continuing the family line, but there are other cousins who have the same name (about FIFTY) so there is absolutely no worry. They can't drop the gene line thing on me because my sister has kids.

When I go and tell them I want my balls snipped; they'll be told, "Listen buddy, either you snip them, or I'll tie rubber bands around them until they die, go to the hospital and have them removed, and when they ask why in the world I did something so stupid, I'll answer, "Because my doctor refused to clip my men and I was forced to bring measures into my own hands."

[Samwitch]

Maybe we're horrible cunts for feeling like this but we'd rather have money instead of kids.