"Oh. We let him do that"

[Fluffy]

I work as a nanny. This is because I'm clearly insane. My job isn't too bad, but some of the things the parents allow their 4-year-old to do make me cringe. My favorite examples? They allow him to jump from the sofa, to the chair, to the coffee table and back to the sofa. The other day he pulled matches from the drawer and wanted to light them. I quickly told him no and took them away, but according to mom "Oh. We let him do that"

Excuse me? At this point, there are now two sets of rules. One set is for when Erica is there and one set is for when mom and dad are home. I think furniture jumping is ridiculous and unacceptable. Call me nuts, but I don't think playing with fire is an awesome idea either. Mom is a nice person with limited common sense. She thinks it's reasonable to take all three of her children (ages 4 and twins that are 18 months) on long boring shopping trips to the gigantic mall which is an hour away from the house.

So. My question to you, what other absurd things have parents told you they let their little darlings do?

[Rinky vs.4.0]

They let him play with matches? MATCHES? Do they have brain tumours in their common sense lobes?

Seriously, the term for that isn't 'limited common sense', it's 'downright negligence'.

Still, maybe they'll let him play with bottles of painkillers and the odd syringe when he's in the burns unit and they're too busy looking for a new house to visit him, eh?

Perhaps you should print this one out for your boss: Firemen discover burned baby boys taste just like chicken! (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/northern_ireland/2405603.stm)

[Rizzabella]

It would be bad enough if they just said "oh, that's not a big deal" but to say "Oh, we let him do that" is just ridiculous. What the hell kind of parent lets a kid play with matches? Do they think he'll get something out of his system if he does?

I've never encountered a parent who would excuse behavior THAT dangerous but I've had plenty of parents tell me that their child is responsible for making a lot of major decisions about their life. When I taught piano to groups of girls who couldn't afford lessons on their own I'd have a lot of girls who would sign forms and commit to programs (knowing, of course, that when they signed up for a program it meant that another girl on a very, very long waiting list wouldn't get the chance to play) and then tell me later on that they were "bored" or "busy" or wanted to play games/watch TV at the center instead. I'd confront parents about this and their response would usually be "Well, we let her make decisions about this for herself."
"That's wonderful, but the thing is she committed to a program and in doing so she deprived other girls of the opportunity to participate since we have a limited number of girls who can enter the program. I spent X weeks teaching piano to your daughter and now she's dropping out of a program because she'd rather watch TV in her classroom instead."
"Well, that's her decision."
"This teaches her personal responsibility how?"

I remember having a girl drop out of the program 5 minutes before a recital because the mom gave her a choice of either being in the recital or going to the water park for the day. Thanks a lot, mom- of course most kids are going to choose doing something super fun over sticking to a program they signed up for that's less "fun" but builds a lot of skills. I couldn't believe a parent would even do that to me and when confronted, she said "well, we let HER decide what she does with her time."

Once again, I'm blinded in decisions because of my own childhood. I've played piano since I was little and I started playing cello in 4th grade. In 5th grade I thought cello was "lame" and wanted to drop out of orchestra. I approached my parents about this and was told "No way." There were a million times when I was little that, given the opportunity to do only what I wanted to do, I would have chosen TV or video games over practicing. Thank heavens I had parents who recognized that letting a kid do whatever they want in every situation does nothing to help them build character or just intelligence in general.

[Rinky vs.4.0]

I had a kid in one Sunday morning class who was late, by half an hour or more, every fucking week without fail. It would piss me off as he invariably couldn't participate in the writing tasks properly because he'd missed the reading and introductory activities and I'd have to spend some of the time I should have spent monitoring the kids' writing and hearing individuals read with sorting out this chump.

One week I expressed concern about this state of affairs to his mother when she showed up to pick him up. She sort of shrugged and said, "Oh, he just doesn't want to get up early."

Right, fine. After that I gave the kid absolutely minimal attention in that class unless he managed to get himself there more or less on time, like everyone else. Other kids' parents were paying through the nose to attend and I decided they shouldn't be penalised because some permissive parenting fan couldn't get their son out of bed and get him to class on time.

[jeth]

I knew a family who thought it was cute that their youngest knew how to work a lighter. It wasn't so cute after he lit the lighter under a piece of furniture, it became engulfed in flames, and he and a sibling were unable to escape from the house and died.

If I were you I would sit down and have a serious talk with your employers about your concerns for the safety of their child. If they want to let the kid bounce around the furniture and a) slowly destroy it by using it in ways it was never meant to be used and b) be at risk for bouncing off the furniture and cracking his skull open that's one thing, but letting a child play with matches? That's seriously dangerous and stupid. Very, very stupid.

Of course they'll probably be all up in arms because you aren't the parent and you don't get to decide how they raise their children, but maybe if they can see past the "OMG I'm being called out for my bad parenting" reaction they will understand that you are simply trying to help them avoid burying their child and possibly other people.

[Rizzabella]

Of course they'll probably be all up in arms because you aren't the parent and you don't get to decide how they raise their children, but maybe if they can see past the "OMG I'm being called out for my bad parenting" reaction they will understand that you are simply trying to help them avoid burying their child and possibly other people.
Any parent with an ounce of sense will ultimately appreciate someone helping them to come to their senses about something like that, even if they DO pull a wounded act on you when you bring it up.

[Rinky vs.4.0]

I knew a family who thought it was cute that their youngest knew how to work a lighter. It wasn't so cute after he lit the lighter under a piece of furniture, it became engulfed in flames, and he and a sibling were unable to escape from the house and died.

Well, baby coffins are cute!

Ah, schadenfreude.

Seriously? I have a special loathing reserved for people who seriously use the word 'cute' to describe any sort of obnoxious, disruptive or downright dangerous behaviour on the part of their offspring.

[Rizzabella]

Well, baby coffins are cute!

Ah, schadenfreude.

Seriously? I have a special loathing reserved for people who seriously use the word 'cute' to describe any sort of onboxious, disruptive or downright dangerous behaviour on the part of their offspring.
I get that on the bus sometimes. I'll feel something YANKING on my hair and turn around and there's a kid in mom's lap and mom is just beaming and saying "isn't he CUUTE?"

I heard the "that's so cute" thing a couple weeks ago too when my boyfriend and I were out on a walk by a pond that had a lot of swans in it. A little kid started grabbing rocks and throwing them out in the water (not directly AT the swans, but without any consideration of them so the rocks barely missed several times). The mom turned to me and was barely able to say "that's so cute!" before my boyfriend jumped in and started yelling at the kid because he just about took one of the swans out. Mom glared at us and scooped up her kid and took off. Waah, we ruined a precious family moment!

[Rinky vs.4.0]

Oh yes, cruelty to animals is SO cute. Just DARLING! After all, rocks only hurt or kill animals when adults throw them!

Seriously, the brat wants to try that with some geese. He'll lose an eye, minimum. Never mind, eyepatches are CUTE too!

[jeth]

Geese are evil. Though, as recent news has taught us, even if the kid did manage to provoke a goose into attacking the wildlife authorities would probably just have to kill the goose, because you know goose are so bloodthirsty for the flesh of children and all. And the parent would probably throw a fit and demand compensation for the child's injuries despite not actually stepping in and stopping the kidlet from doing something stupid and potentially dangerous.

[toriwannabe]

Right, fine. After that I gave the kid absolutely minimal attention in that class unless he managed to get himself there more or less on time, like everyone else. Other kids' parents were paying through the nose to attend and I decided they shouldn't be penalised because some permissive parenting fan couldn't get their son out of bed and get him to class on time.

Excellent work! Its like when we have meetings at work. We get there early, start the meeting and then someone arrives late and asks questions we already asked at the start. I cannot STAND late people. Its a sign of disrespect.

[toriwannabe]

[edit]Weird. Double post, and all I did was refresh during a timeout.

[Rinky vs.4.0]

Excellent work! Its like when we have meetings at work. We get there early, start the meeting and then someone arrives late and asks questions we already asked at the start. I cannot STAND late people. Its a sign of disrespect.

I have no problem with isolated incidents. Everyone has emergencies or transport problems from time to time. But every week is just taking the piss and as you say, a sign of complete disrespect.

[Heart of Moon]

Argh. My brother lets my nephew play with a pellet gun in the house. He doesn't play with it that often, but nevertheless.
My brother also teaches my nephew to hit the cat.
At the restaurant I work at, a kid was jumping up and down in a booth, to which his parents said, "Don't jump so high." aasfjkl;ad! There are knives on the table with a tendency to slide, and other guests in the other side of the booth!

[toriwannabe]

^ your brother teaches your nephew to hit the cat?! Is this for fun, or is he just showing what to do if the cat bites him? I know who I would be hitting...

[Heart of Moon]

Umm..no. It's because my brother is stupid and mean. He used to hit the cats with the pellet gun when they tried to run away.
I can't believe he and I are from the same gene pool.[shock]

The particular incident I remember best was when the cat didn't feel like being in my nephew's lap, so my brother hit the cat until it would stay.

[Kari]

OMG.

If I saw anyone hit a cat I would FREAK out. Freak. the. fuck. out.

[iciclespark]

My mom had a stupidity leak when I was wee and used to let me stand on the glass coffee table.

She learned her lesson one day when I fell through it. Thankfully for all, I only cut open my heel of my left foot.

After that, my mom became much more protective and less "Aww ain't that cute?"

[Rinky vs.4.0]

Umm..no. It's because my brother is stupid and mean. He used to hit the cats with the pellet gun when they tried to run away.

The particular incident I remember best was when the cat didn't feel like being in my nephew's lap, so my brother hit the cat until it would stay.

Does he beat his wife, too?

I hope he gets rabies. Sorry, I know he's your bro and all, but he's basically a cruel little shit who is teaching his kid to be a cruel little shit. and you've said nothing to endear him to me. So. Rabies. With a side helping of anthrax.

Or, you could report him to some animal welfare organisation. If I caught my sister treating her animals like that, she'd have the RSPCA at her house so fast she wouldn't know what hit her.

[Heart of Moon]

Actually, no he left his wife because she neglected my nephew.

I've thought very seriously about that, but then if they came, they'd see what a mess his house is and take my nephew away, so I can't do that. So I just go over to their house and clean as often as I can and ask him to to hit the cat. I'm having difficulty deciding whether I prefer to stick up for the animals or for my brother/nephew being able to stay together.

[Rinky vs.4.0]

Actually, no he left his wife because she neglected my nephew.

I've thought very seriously about that, but then if they came, they'd see what a mess his house is and take my nephew away, so I can't do that. So I just go over to their house and clean as often as I can and ask him to to hit the cat. I'm having difficulty deciding whether I prefer to stick up for the animals or for my brother/nephew being able to stay together.

OK, be aware that I am the least sensitive person on the planet but ....

Do you really think it's a good thing for a child to stay with a guy who lets him play with firearms thus risking death and injury, is teaching him to inflict violence on living things AND apparently lives in a house so dirty any child would be removed from it by children's services? And aren't you simply enabling his lack of responsibility toward the child by cleaning up for him? Why can't he clean up on his own, anyway?

[Heart of Moon]

I went to visit my brother today and have apparently been misinterpreting him.

The pellet gun is always empty. He only hit the cat once, when it bit my nephew. All day he kept telling him to stop hurting the cat.

I guess he was trying to sound all manly or something when he tells me his stories and they end up convoluted and make me think he's a horrible person.

His house still is really gross though. It got out of hand when he was really depressed, and now he's trying to get it clean again, but works very long hours and has little time for cleaning with all the energy he has to spend on my nephew.

[Charles:]

Any parent with an ounce of sense will ultimately appreciate someone helping them to come to their senses about something like that, even if they DO pull a wounded act on you when you bring it up.

Well, if they don't have much common sense to begin with... ;)

Ask me how I feel about my son's redneck grandparents buying him a shotgun and taking him hunting. Let's just say I was fucking LIVID. I just don't think a 10 year old should be using a firearm even under parental supervision.

[bellegurl]

Oh God! That's all I could say when I read this thread. Honestly, it sent shivers down my spine. To think there are adults--adults--out there, who are supposed to be normal, to do things like this. I'm not even sure if what I wrote makes sense, but, jesus, it scares the shit out of me.