Baby lust

[Kari]

A very disturbing thing has started to happen to me over the last year or so.

Normally, I think babies are cute until they're walking or talking and then generally I have no use for children at all. I think they're all just screaming, shrieking ego and nothing makes me want to freak out more than the sound of a screaming young child. I also can't imagine having a snot nosed teenager sassing back to me. My reasons for not having children remain the same as always.

However.

In the past year, when I am ovulating (I chart my cycle), I am having a very very strong urge to have a baby. Not a child, mind you, but a baby. I get all mushy when I see babies, even toddlers! I start feeling very maternal and it makes me freak out because I'm thinking, "Is this going to get worse????".

Its not going to make me change my mind. I mean, we all have urges to do things (like eat a cookie we really shouldn't, or smother our loud next door neighbor with a pillow) and we fight those urges off. I'm just wondering if I'm completely alone in this or if I should consult my physician. :( Because it's annoying.

[jeth]

Just remind yourself that the urge is purely biological. It's just hormones messing with you. Kind of like the way the onset of your period makes you really, really want a Twinkie even though you think Twinkies are the most disgusting food on the planet, but nothing will satiate you in that moment quite like those airy, cream-filled little bastards. It will pass eventually. I have friends who are getting these urges as well, but they also aren't ready to have kids/are really questioning if they even want kids so they tell me there's about one week a month when they're all confused about what they want, and the other three weeks they are fine.

It's just your body saying that it wants something to nurture. I suggest a dog, or a cat, or maybe a fish. Even a houseplant. Or a pedicure. Nurture yourself, and remember that while babies may be little and cute at times, they also spit up, scream, kick, bite, shit their pants, and grow up to learn to speak and talk back.

[Kari]

It will pass eventually. I have friends who are getting these urges as well, but they also aren't ready to have kids/are really questioning if they even want kids so they tell me there's about one week a month when they're all confused about what they want, and the other three weeks they are fine.

It's just your body saying that it wants something to nurture. I suggest a dog, or a cat, or maybe a fish. Even a houseplant. Or a pedicure. Nurture yourself, and remember that while babies may be little and cute at times, they also spit up, scream, kick, bite, shit their pants, and grow up to learn to speak and talk back.

Oh, I know. Three weeks out of the month I'm completely fine and back to my normal road rage towards strollers and screaming children on the subway. But this particular month has been really bad.

I already have two cats, and my apartment is too small to get another one. Maybe a fish could work. Though then my cats would kill the fish.

[hollerskates]

i have a prescription i use for this very problem, kari. it's called babysitting. i take it about 3 times a week. works wonders.

;)

[madworld]

Finding the wee tots adorable and getting mushy over them isn't really neccessarily an URGE to have them. I wouldn't worry. I get mushy over children ('specially infants and toddlers) sometimes but there's no way in hell I'd want one of my own. I know they would'nt be so adorable anymore. [post83]

[tully]

^
Yeah, what she said.

I'm kind of on the fence on the whole issue of having children myself, because I really can't see how a baby would fit into my wonderful, jet-setting, scone-eating lifestyle, and I really don't love the idea of FOR.EVER. I do love little babies, though. I like when they stick their tongues out and giggle at nothing like little idiots and slap themselves stupidly with their own hands. I also love when their mamas take them the fuck away from me.

I'm content with playing with stranger babies (or friends' babies) and then peacing the fuck out. Some of them are kind of stupid, though.

[Kari]

Tully, you so have a point. I mean, what would I do if I couldn't fill my days with eating crumpets in my Benz and having those all-important astrophysics dicussions in my Lush bath!

Yeah, I think I'm probably overreacting. It's just been DISTURBING on all levels. I can't wait till my friends start having kids so I can be Auntie Kari and play with them and buy them cute clothes and then give them back to their mom. :D

[iciclespark]

I have the exact same problem. It's lessened since Doug bailed, but whenever I'd ovulate I'd start going, "Aww, a mini Doug would be cute though! Am I really sure about this?"

Hormones are teh EVIL.

[Rizzabella]

Tully, you so have a point. I mean, what would I do if I couldn't fill my days with eating crumpets in my Benz and having those all-important astrophysics dicussions in my Lush bath!

Yeah, I think I'm probably overreacting. It's just been DISTURBING on all levels. I can't wait till my friends start having kids so I can be Auntie Kari and play with them and buy them cute clothes and then give them back to their mom. :D
No, I don't think you're overreacting. It's weird and I don't blame you for being bothered.

It happens to me a lot too. I'm on BC so I'm not quite sure WHY it happens so much but just before/during my period I will get very weepy feeling and sad and I'll look at kids and think "awwww....." but then I realize that it's hormones and that plenty of babies are "cute" until you have to fricking deal with them for more than 20 minutes at a time. When it happens I just pay more attention to my kitty and also just try to focus on things that I want to accomplish for myself in life. Isn't it frustrating though? You spend most days of a month not even concerning yourself with kids because you really don't want them and then your body decides to betray you.

[tully]

What's great about the hormone-induced kiddy-love is that I don't really ever have to chart my cycle. I just take a stroll through Target and see if I want to eat all the babies I run into. It's very helpful.

[frangipanigrrl]

Although I don't experience feelings of "baby lust" or wanting children, I agree with others that thinking logically about what's involved with having kids is a good way to dampen those feelings. I too think babies (well, some of them) are cute, funny and endearing. I adore my friends' little ones and was right outside the hospital room at their births, waiting to hold them when they arrived. I have the kids' pictures on my fridge and my hubby and I have enthusiastically snapped many picutres of these kiddos from birth. Theyre' cute and lovely--but they also do not interfere in my day, week, life. Also, the cuteness is short lived really. You may feel like you want a BABY but do you want a 7 year-old? A 12 year-old? A mouthy 16 year-old? That's what these cuties become. I usually only hear people talk about wanting "babies". Well, they're only babies for like 2 years. The baby stage is like the shortest stage of life. The teen years are much longer.;u

Just knowing whay my friends' go through as parents ties my tubes. My one friend and her hubby get up at 6:30 am every day of the week---because this is when their 18 month-old daughter wakes up. She's woken up at 6:30 on the dot since she was freaking born. They have not slept past 6:30 in a year and a half!!!!!!!!!!!! If they have the flu-too bad. If their overtired-too bad. If they have bad headaches-too bad. This little one is probably one of the cutest babies on earth IMO and I love to play with her and visit her-but then I get to go home and sleep until 10 am on Sunday morning if I so choose.

Also, having a baby will hurt your pee-pee. Think about that for a second. Ouch.[YIKES]

On an aside, if your feelings become stronger or contine or expand.....maybe you don't want to be childfree after all. Nothing wrong with changing your mind a few hundred times in your life. :)

[Blackmare]

When I read the book Prometheus Rising by Robert Anton Wilson, it explained it all to me. No it wasn't a cure, but it helped a lot. In the book he goes through 8 steps. The first four have to do with growing up, brain-washing and the baby urge. The last four steps have to do with become more fully human. But he puts it down so that anyone can understand. Or at least I did.

[chickentart]

you know, it's ok to be childfree forever. it's also ok to look at your partner in 10 whole years and say, maybe we should rethink this.

um, so i guess i'm saying, embrace your childfree lifestyle and rethink your priorities only when you get to the point when you're having major baby lust... and you're not ovulating. ;)

but i'm a total crumpet supporter! don't get me wrong.

[Kari]

Baby lust is now over. I have made my egg and now find children annoying once again! Hooray!

Hormones SUCK.

[Vampire Kites]

i've never had any urge to have kids. I remember talking to a co-worker and saying how I'm never going to have kids. She goes all out saying "oh you'll want them, maybe later, but you'll have kids. You should be having that biological clock ticking soon". Ok, what? Is there some kind of automatic timer that says "YOU WILL WANT KIDS"?

[tully]

I'm ovulating.

I'm watching America's Funniest Videos (shut up!!!) and they just had a clip of a baby and I nearly melted.

However, every once in a while I have a """pregnancy scare""" (which is usually me just being overly anxious, because I rarely have sex and I never have unprotected sex), during which time I daydream about planning my """abortion.""" So I know I'm not really all about kids.

[Kari]

;l I have a pregnancy scare pretty much every month. If my period is .000000000000000992 seconds late, I'm like "OMG PREGNANT!11" and checking on the interwebs to double and triple check that abortion is covered by my insurance, checking for changes in my breasts, and having phantom nausea.

No, really. My warm fuzzies about babies go away right quick when I think my body has betrayed me.

[eurotrash]

^^^ This is SOOO me.

I have the bebelust quite frequently, and at its worst I find myself daydreaming about being pregnant (just the glowing, cute-bump stuff, not the puking, swelling, and sweating). But if, god forbid, I actually think it's a possibility (about 6 times a year; I"m a paranoid freak) I flip out and run to Target for a new box of pregnancy tests (I should invest) and a box of coat hangers. Reality is the best cure.

[Kari]

I have a whole bunch o' First Reponses in my bathroom, just for those times when only peeing on a stick will make me feel better.

<--------- crazy.

[madworld]

;l I have a pregnancy scare pretty much every month. If my period is .000000000000000992 seconds late, I'm like "OMG PREGNANT!11" and checking on the interwebs to double and triple check that abortion is covered by my insurance, checking for changes in my breasts, and having phantom nausea.

No, really. My warm fuzzies about babies go away right quick when I think my body has betrayed me.


;v I am SO right there with you! My Mom laughs at me about it (my spazzing out) but she's actually really glad that we're so careful.

I really do spaz the fuck out though just thinking it could happen..At this point, I am not really sure I'm ever going to feel differently.

[Autumn]

I have a whole bunch o' First Reponses in my bathroom, just for those times when only peeing on a stick will make me feel better.

<--------- crazy.

Me too, but I only have one left!

[iciclespark]

On that topic.... *looks around*

I'm actually... um... having a scare. Wouldn't that be fitting? One of the reasons on the ex's laundry list was thinking he was changing his mind and wanting kids now, and I'm dumped and having a pregnancy scare.

It's not uber late, but um... IUDs are supposed to make you bleed and spot like whoa and um... I haven't been. And I'm late now. By five days.

Meep? How long do I wait before I panic?

[Autumn]

I would have been panicking four days ago. Take a test!

[Rinky vs.4.0]

You're all crazy. Babies repulse me whether I'm on the rag or not. The only thing my hormones do is make me crave sex and chocolate.

[Rizzabella]

Nothing quite like being on a bus crammed full of grade school kids with awful BO and a tendency to kick and scream to make you remember that, no matter how hormonal you are, you do NOT WANT KIDS.

Good god I wanted to smack the shit out of them. They were climbing around on the bus and one of them was hanging off bars and ended up kicking me in the head repeatedly. I told him to knock it the hell off and his response was sticking out his tongue and saying "YOU'RE NOT MY MOM I DON'T GOTTA LISTEN TO YOU"

:) I just smiled and said "Thank god I'm not your mother, otherwise you probably would have been aborted."

I said that thinking he wouldn't even know what aborted meant. He did. Oops.

[iciclespark]

You're all crazy. Babies repulse me whether I'm on the rag or not. The only thing my hormones do is make me crave sex and chocolate.
I crave both of those as well, in grand abundance. And it's not every month, but every few, I suddenly feel less bitchy about kids, and then it's like "Quick! Mental check! Is this my biological clock or is this my fucking ovary?"

I always decide rather quickly "Ovary."

But I never stop craving the sex and chocolate. ;)

I would have been panicking four days ago. Take a test!

I bes kinda broke. I've decided if it doesn't show by the weekend, I'm going to suck it up and take one and be at ease. In the meantime, I've been asking around in the iud community and apparently, although an oddity, I wouldn't be the first to stop having periods immediately. But that would be grand luck, and I don't have any good luck.

[Kari]

Tiffany, it could be stress. You just went through a major major life change. But I would test anyway. It's worth the 15 bucks. Eating < finding out you're not pregnant.

[madworld]

Kari, EVERY MONTH it is the same. You would think that by now I would've learned to trust my birth control. ;u

And I have considered buying a pregnancy test before. Just to calm myself down.

I goo-gooed over a baby today. :f She was precious. But then I walked away and felt very glad that I didn't have to take care of one of those 24/7. Babies and infants I often smile and giggle over. It's the children, once they hit about 5 years old and over.. Ahh, no, thanks.

[iciclespark]

Happy news! I'm bleeding! Hooray! My IUD works and I will be spawn free for five years *dances*

(I also employed my freebie test last night - Doug has this very fucking creepy ability to sense pregnancy in women, even when they have no idea they're pregnant. I made him check my uterus. He said, "No babies." I think, "Thank fucking God. Last thing I need is to abort our unintentional love child when kids were an issue in the break up".)

[HideAndSeek]

You're all crazy. Babies repulse me whether I'm on the rag or not. The only thing my hormones do is make me crave sex and chocolate.

Same!!!

[The March Hare]

Fortunately, I have the exact opposite. When my hormones are raging, I'm a lot more evil than usual when it comes to kids. I'll be out on a smoke break with some girls from class, and they'll all squee when the little cart of day-care babies comes by. I found myself muttering under my breath, "Maybe the woman will lose control of the cart and the screaming brats will go barreling into traffic." I am full of disdain for children when it comes to my hormones.

[Kateness]

well, i very often find myself just saying "I cannot imagine having a child growing inside me.. let alone raising it."

And parts of me hurt when I can't imagine ever having a kid.. and the other part is.. I'm just not ready.

[jenniferblaufrau]

I have never had the hormonal I want a baby feelings. Rationally, I think about whether I want kids, sure, but I come up with way more reasons not to have them than to have them. Part of me wants to experience pregnancy, just for the weirdness and amazingness of it, and part of me is not at all interested in being left with the physical consequences of pregnancy and birth. I actually really like kids, and I've always been able to connect with them easily, but the permanence of parenthood is scary to me. It's easy to have a great connection with a kid when you only see him for limited times and aren't required to provide for his every need.

As I have maintained for a long time now, if I do decide to have kids, I won't do it any earlier than mid-30s. I don't think I'll want to do it unless conditions are highly favorable -- that is, I have a solid relationship with someone who wants kids and would be a good father, finances and logistics are well in order, and so on.

I'm seeing someone new, and we have already talked about this. He says he could go either way, too, and agrees that procreating carries with it a lot of risks and potential drawbacks. Time will tell, but I have no desire to have kids at this time.

[Jake]

Its not going to make me change my mind. I mean, we all have urges to do things (like eat a cookie we really shouldn't, or smother our loud next door neighbor with a pillow) and we fight those urges off.

MY GOD! EAT THE DAMN COOKIE!

[Kari]

MY GOD! EAT THE DAMN COOKIE!

It was an analogy, dear.

[Marbs]

I'll admit I had some baby lust when I saw the new Brangelina bebe picture. But it only lasted for 2.5 seconds.

[on the vine]

i am just so not interested in having kids. there is no way i want to put my body through that. and am sick right now, and i couldn't imagine trying to sleep and have some screaming kid in the next room. when i'm sick, i need to sleep. damn the world.

i never get urges to have one around. sometimes i will want to visit our friend's daughter who is 1.5 but only because she's cool and i want to play with her toys and be a goof. not because she's a baby.

[Adrian]

Evolution is a tricky bitch. She'll keep trying to find a way to get you to change your mind.

[Rinky vs.4.0]

Evolution is a tricky bitch. She'll keep trying to find a way to get you to change your mind.

Read the FAQ or fuck off, you patronising poltroon. No bingos.

[Adrian]

This is in NO way meant to patronising. It doesn't matter what we are talking about, we are all subject to tricks our body plays on us. I have a friend, a veterinarian, that has officially decided that she never wants to have kids. She called me yesterday (I guess the day before yesterday now), telling me that once every other month (not sure why every other, but we're convinced that she has one ovary that is more powerful than the other) her hormones try to hijack the ship. To get her over the hump, I tell her everything disgusting that I can think of about childbirth.

[Nancy]

I like to do the reverse-bingo. Today I smugly assured the parents of an adorable little child that they'll change their minds about the decision to procreate one day when little Brittany grows up and shows them what she's really like.

[Kari]

^;l

I had an experience on Friday. Ugh. My hairdresser is 7 months pregnant, and has a HUGE belly. She was showing me this one spot where the kid keeps kicking her over and over again and she was very uncomfortable.

When she was leaning into do something, her belly was on my back, and I felt something...fluttery. I spun around, surprised.

She said "Sorry. I think my kid may have kicked you in the back".

It made me ovulate on the spot. ;l;l;l;l;l

[Nova Scotia]

wow. i did not know how rigid this particular forum is.
wouldn't the topic of 'baby lust' be considered bingo, since apparently everyone who enters knows how they dont want children now or supposedly EVER?
i've got baby lust. tons of it. like everyday...

[tully]

wow. i did not know how rigid this particular forum is.
wouldn't the topic of 'baby lust' be considered bingo, since apparently everyone who enters knows how they dont want children now or supposedly EVER?
i've got baby lust. tons of it. like everyday...

a) If you read the FAQ for this forum, you'll be more acquainted with the rules and regulations for posting and interacting with posters. It's not "rigid" as much as "this is the purpose of this board, and don't try to antagonize our area."

b) This particular thread is about our personal experiences with biology messing with our heads. It's not saying, "Hey everyone! You're all totally wrong and you'll have babies soon because it's meant to be!" It's about what we've each thought of individually and responding to those experiences in a supportive and empathetic manner.

c) If you have tons of baby lust, like, everyday, then maybe this is forum won't serve you the way you want. It's not a forum for people merely without children; it's for people who have made the conscious decision to never have them.

[Nova Scotia]

thank you . this might not be the best place for me, but i lurk every now and then because i have been active in regards to not having children, but i choose not to rule anything out of my life as a permanent choice. So i'm just trying to see if and where i fit in at all.

[Kari]

If I had baby lust every day, I'd really think "Hmmm, maybe I DO want a baby".

But no. Only for a few days every month, and during that time being kicked in the back by a fetus made me hatch an egg. Just biology.

[katz]

^bawk bawk *L*

[Geeky]

I'm new here but am curious as to the ages of those of you experiencing "baby lust". I'm 23 and just had my Essure done this week....never had the slightest pang of baby lust in my life! Regardless of the time of month, I still have zero interest/tolerance for them.

[Kari]

I am 25 years old. This fun just started this year. :(

[Jezebelle]

I uh... didn't have it until around 28.

[Nancy]

Geeky, I'm 50 and I've never had the slightest pang of baby lust in my life either.

[Rinky vs.4.0]

^Me either. And I'm 37 in about a week and a half.

[iciclespark]

I had a bit of it last year for the first time... and then at Christmas this year, they practically forced me to take care of the new baby in the family. Now, he wasn't an awful baby or anything, just a little fussy, but having to deal with him for twenty minutes of semi-fussing was more than enough to confirm it for me: oh FUCK no. No babies, ever. Please, someone, rip out my ovaries. NOW.

Imagine: I consider John to be a relatively easy-going 2 month-old baby. And caring for HIM made me want to run and smoke pot with my brother. I am definitely not a mommy-to-be.

EDIT: I should mention, I'm pretty certain that was my stepmother's way of trying to convince me to change my mind about not having kids. She's a rabid baby lover. She doesn't get why I don't swoon and gush over every baby in sight. Well, she only made me more certain. ;l Thankfully my dad has accepted it and gets it.

[Geeky]

I'm lucky I guess....neither of my parents care. But then they've had a long time to get used to it...I've been saying I didn't want kids since I was 12. When I had my tubes tied this month, I sort of expected them to complain maybe..since I'm young (23) and an only child (so no chance of them ever having grandkids). They suprised me by being really cool about it. My mom's not much of a baby person. My dad is just apathetic towards it all. My aunt hates kids as much as I do...so that pretty much covers my immediate family. The only ones who hassle me about it are coworkers.

[on the vine]

I'm 28 & 11/12ths haha and I never wanted a baby. When I was little & the other girls were talking about growing up and being a mommy, I thought they were crazy. It just never was in my mind.

[Autumn]

When I had my tubes tied this month, I sort of expected them to complain maybe..since I'm young (23)

You can get your tubes tied at 23? I thought doctors wouldn't peform the procedure on young women... or is that a myth?

[Geeky]

You can get your tubes tied at 23? I thought doctors wouldn't peform the procedure on young women... or is that a myth?
LOL, Obviously it is a myth, as I am sitting here with tied tubes (well blocked, actually...)

Many doctors will not do it but there is no law/rule that says they can't, and some docs are more open to the idea than others. It also helps to say the right thing.

I simply explained to my doc how strongly I hate children (yes, I know most CF'ers are NOT baby haters, but *I* am...can't stand the buggers...) and how I often feel the desire to slap the shit out of them when they are around. I then explained that I work in a jail and every day I deal with women who have murdered, mutilated, drowned, abused etc their kids and that I have no desire to become one of those women.

I mentioned that if THOSE women had been sterilized at the age of 23, their kids wouldn't be dead now, would they? And, gee, doc, aren't I a responsible person for knowing ahead of time that I hate kids too much to live with one? And gee, doc, don't you think it's just AWFUL that I can choose to have an abortion but not a tubal? Btw, since you don't want to do a tubal on someone my age, do you think you could go ahead and give the phone number of a reputable abortion clinic? I don't want to go to someone who'll mess me up.

I also mentioned that I had gone to therapy for a while to help deal with my tendency to say really rude thing to children and parents in public. Yes I know that was a childish behavior and I am not proud of it, but hey..it happened. I decided to go to therapy after I had to leave a restaurant in mid-meal to keep an angry mother from beating the snot out of me. (I said something to her along the lines of , "Gee, neither babysitters nor abortions are terribly expensive these days, and had you chose either option, I could be enjoying my veal right now...")

Took less than 5 minutes to convince that doc to do my tubal. Sometimes you have to sound a little crazy to convince them. I'm actually quite sane, and I'd never actually hurt a child (I've been tempted though...) But sounding a bit mental sort of helped my case I think. He heard me and thought, "Boy this chick is mental..she SURE doesn't need to be breeding!"

[SMMY]

^I think an "I don't want to have children" would have sufficed.

[Autumn]

Took less than 5 minutes to convince that doc to do my tubal. Sometimes you have to sound a little crazy to convince them. I'm actually quite sane, and I'd never actually hurt a child (I've been tempted though...) But sounding a bit mental sort of helped my case I think. He heard me and thought, "Boy this chick is mental..she SURE doesn't need to be breeding!"

Um. Okay? I know at least two women right now who have serious medical issues and would STRONGLY benefit from a tubal, but the docs won't do it because of their age. You're saying that you can ACT CRAZY, and a doctor will perform a tubal on you? What is your doctor's name, and in what city is he located? I know someone who would be willing to travel.

Personally, I think if you act crazy in front of a doctor (ie, "I want to smash the head in of every child I see" crazy), he's gonna think you're fucking crazy and probably not suitable for a tubal because he doesn't want to get his ass sued by some crazy bitch years down the line.

But hey, what do I know?

[jeth]

Yeah, normal women who don't express a desire for smashing every child they see in the face with hammers generally can't get their tubes tied before a certain age or until they've had x number of children. One girl I know popped a baby out at 19 and immediately asked for a tubal only to be told the minimum age was 24.

I also know of a particular hospital where tubals will not be performed on women who have not had children unless the hospital board agrees it is in the woman's best interest, and you generally have to prove that you'd be a psychotic baby puncher for them to rule in your favor.

Honestly, you're irritating the shit out of me with your "I'm 23! My tubes are tied!" in every post. Maybe it was sooo easy for you, but don't think half of us haven't asked and been shot down already.

Keep bragging. You're sure to win lots of friends here.

[Geeky]

Well gee, guys, I wasn't trying to upset anybody. I had my tubal done 6 days ago, and yeah I'm happy as a lark and excited to share....I mention it a lot because a lot of women genuinely believe that docs won't sterilize them at a young age and I want them to know that's not true.And I bet when you get yours done, you'll be so happy that you'll be running around telling everybody about it to.

I guess I thought this was the one place folks would be happy about me instead of acting like all my coworkers who think I'm a horrible person for getting my tubes tied.

And no I didn't act like a pyscho to my doc, but I have been in therapy over my baby issue, and I felt like it was a valid concern. I actually do have a slightly violent tendency towards them. I'd never act on it, cause it'd cost me my job, but don't think I haven't thought about it. Yeah I played it up a bit and it worked in my favor...Maybe I shouldn't of told the truth. Guess honesty isn't always the best policy huh?

Was acting a little over-the-top ethical? Maybe not...but who the fuck cares...it WORKED.

[Geeky]

^I think an "I don't want to have children" would have sufficed.

Seems a lot of people have tried that line with a less than satisfactory success rate.

[SMMY]

^okay, I'm trying very hard to refrain from being a complete bitch, but your personal experience isn't the benchmark for all women's experience. I would also venture to guess that the women who have posted in here also aren't willing to pretend to be a mental basketcase in order to get said surgery, as you just claimed a few posts back, unless you were blowing smoke up all of our collective asses.

"Honesty" in your case seems to equate with TMI as well.

so much for not being a bitch. oh well, I'll try harder next time.

ETA: is it too late to put her in the 2007 award noms? Couldn't we stretch the rules a little bit?

[Geeky]

I don't think you're a bitch, just honest. And I said I acted "a little mental" NOT as total basketcase. I pretty much told ya'll the conversation word for word, as it was a pretty short convo. I said it calmly and with a straight face and everything I said to the doc was true, though admittedly "played up" a bit. Maybe that's not even why he agreed to do it? Who knows. Maybe he's anti-abortion or something or maybe he honestly believes in a young woman's right to choose. Who knows? I just said that *maybe* my acting slightly offskew helped my case. And if it did, good for me. All I care about is that it worked.

As for TMI, I've been accused of that by friends, family, and acquaitances all my life. I have asbergers (google it) and I tend to be a little socially inept at figuring out what a person should and shouldn't say in certain cases.

[jeth]

^ Already done on my end.

I edited out my original section of post talking about some personal crap because it's really none of your business, but people like you who run around all ZOMGIT'SSOEASY! are essentially slapping women like me in the face. No, it's not so easy. And I'm not going to pretend to be loony toons to get a doctor to do the right thing by me medically speaking.

[SMMY]

For the love of all that is holy, please:

read and learn, then post (http://www.atforumz.com/showthread.php?t=286211)

[Geeky]

^ Already done on my end.

I edited out my original section of post talking about some personal crap because it's really none of your business, but people like you who run around all ZOMGIT'SSOEASY! are essentially slapping women like me in the face. No, it's not so easy. And I'm not going to pretend to be loony toons to get a doctor to do the right thing by me medically speaking.

I apologized if I offended anybody...it wasn't my intent. I thought people would be happy for me.

[Geeky]

For the love of all that is holy, please:

read and learn, then post (http://www.atforumz.com/showthread.php?t=286211)

I've read that...not sure how I've violated anything there-in.

[jeth]

Maybe if you'd left it at the fact that you got it done, but when you started going around insisting that any one of us could have it done and we probably just haven't tried hard enough or cared enough to seriously pursue it......that's pretty much how your post came off. Like we're all too stupid to know what to do with our bodies or how to talk to our doctors and you at your wise age of 23 have the answers! The ANSWERS!

SMMY posted a great link earlier. I suggest you click, read, and learn.

[Geeky]

I think you took me the wrong way. I wanted to encourage people that if they look hard enough, keep their chin up and keep trying, they will succeed. I was trying to inspire people not to give up.

Maybe I'm reading things wrong, but I'm getting the impression that a few people are jealous of the fact that I accomplished something that they themselves could not accomplish, and that furthermore I did it by means that they don't entirely approve of.

If you've had bad luck seeking sterilization, there is NO ONE who feels for you more than I. I was ecstatic when I had mine done and wish that everyone else who desires such could have my same good fortune. However being snarky to me just because I've had better luck than some is not productive. I didn't post to "rub it in", I posted to inspire others to continue trying and to not be discouraged. I posted to be a testimonial that says YES, they'll sterilize you, and I'm proof.

[SMMY]

I'm almost fifty and definitely not "jealous" of your OMGTUBAL!!!
I just think you're a clueless twat.

Personally, I think they blocked the wrong orifice.

[Geeky]

Are ya'll always so welcoming to enthusiastic newbies? I'm really appalled...I thought people would be happy and celebrate with me and ya'll are being downright snippish. I wasn't rude to any of you, and I certainly don't think I deserve the way you guys are treating me. I'm an enthusiastic person...if I went overboard talking about my tubal, then I sincerely apologize. I've been overboard talking about it in real life too (I think I've told just about everyone I've talked to..."Hi, how are you, I've fine, just got my tubes tied!")

[jeth]

Honey, I don't need your testimonial. I've been around the block with doctors already, and it's about things much bigger than simple elective sterilization. My doctors are more interested in preserving a woman's fertility than ensuring her long-term health (until of course she hits the age of consent, 30, or pops out a baby, whichever comes first). When a doctor decides that your fertility is more important than you having a 100% shot of not getting cancer you can come back and talk to me about why I should be happy for you.

[Geeky]

So because you've been in a bad situation, I shouldn't talk about my GOOD situation? I'm sorry you're going through these problems. I really am. But if the situations were reversed, I think I would still be happy for you. I'm just that kind of person.

That's like saying "I'm pissed that you won the lottery, don't talk about it....cause you already make a million dollars a year and I'm dirt poor and I needed the money more than you." Personally, I am happy when good things happen to people, rather than focusing on bad things that might be happening to me.

It sucks that the docs are treating you shitty. You definately needed the tubal more than me. Heck, I'd give you mine, if I could. But it's no reason to snap at me just because I've had one and you haven't.

[SMMY]

So because you've been in a bad situation, I shouldn't talk about my GOOD situation? I'm sorry you're going through these problems. I really am. But if the situations were reversed, I think I would still be happy for you. I'm just that kind of person.

That's like saying "I'm pissed that you won the lottery, don't talk about it....cause you already make a million dollars a year and I'm dirt poor and I needed the money more than you." Personally, I am happy when good things happen to people, rather than focusing on bad things that might be happening to me.

It sucks that the docs are treating you shitty. You definately needed the tubal more than me. Heck, I'd give you mine, if I could. But it's no reason to snap at me just because I've had one and you haven't.
I know that you are obviously among the "unwell" mentally, but could you please refrain from posting so much and confirming it. This has got to be the worst case of verbal diarrhea ever. It's like the hole you have dug for yourself in this thread isn't big enough and you can't stop digging. Please stop spouting such utter crap.

oh and by the way it's called empathy and tact, something that you evidently have never experienced.

[Geeky]

And apparantly, you didn't read my post earlier where I said I had aspergers (one of the primary symptoms of such is a lack of empathy and tact...go figure.)

[SMMY]

And apparantly, you didn't read my post earlier where I said I had aspergers (one of the primary symptoms of such is a lack of empathy and tact...go figure.)
a SyndromeTM does not exempt you from responsibility for posts that you make. Take ownership of what you write and try to learn from it.

[jeth]

You're acting like a twit. I'm calling you on it. Your insistence that we're OMGJEALOUS! is laughable. Walk a mile in our shoes and then tell us we should be bouncing off the walls because you seriously exaggerated your condition to get a doctor to tie your tubes.

The fact that you act like other women here haven't even tried to do what's best for them is what's really grating. You coming in here and telling everyone that if they try hard enough they'll get what they want is completely ignoring the fact that many of us have tried to make our wishes known and have been shot down. Just because you got away with acting batshit crazy to get your way does not negate the fact that physicians nationwide fail to take CF women and their wishes seriously. We are routinely told that we cannot make our own minds up regarding our fertility, that we'll change our minds, that we shouldn't do anything to ruin our chances of having babies later even if it puts our long-term health in jeopardy. We are told that we are not adult enough to make these decisions until we're in our thirties, and when we reach our thirties our doctors want to hold out even longer. It's a very, very real problem for CF women. You know, the ones who don't fake crazy to get their way.

[SMMY]

You know, the ones who don't fake crazy to get their way.

I'm beginning to think there wasn't a whole lot of faking going on, judging by her posts here.

[Kari]

I highly doubt a doctor would give a tubal to someone he deemed as mentally unstable. I'm not buying it. I'm really not.

Either way, running around being all "I got a tubal cause I'M AWESOME and you didn't cause you didn't pretend to be batshit as effectively as ME!!11" isn't gonna fly around here. Especially when many women on this board have health issues and would greatly benefit from such.

The whole point of this forum is to be a supportive community that takes the feelings of other posters into consideration before spouting their mouth off. A little tact would have been nice, there were better ways to handle it.

[Heart of Moon]

^That, and we would probably be a lot happier for you if we knew you before you got the tubal.

I think it's rather odd that you join these forums right after getting your tubal, seemingly for the sole purpose of bragging about the fact that you have it. You've mentioned either your tubal or how much you hate children in almost every thread you've posted in. Perhaps you should try to integrate into the community before expecting us to care one way or the other about you.

[Geeky]

I joined the forums because after I had my tubal, I thought it would be nice to be able to talk about it with other like-minded people and to be around other CFers. I guess I felt joining such a community before getting my tubal would be counterproductive because no one takes a 23yr old seriously when she says she doesn't want kids. I figured I'd be laughed at and told that I would change my mind. Having the tubal gave me the confidence to join the community, because I felt like I would finally be taken seriously. Obviously I was wrong.

I never expected to be recieved so poorly and even after re-reading my posts I do not understand what I did wrong...I do want to be a part of this community and I'm sorry I got off on the wrong foot.

Haven't you ever been excited about something? So excited that you had to tell every single person you met? Even if it was the postman or the dude behind you in line at the grocery store? (just kidding on those specific examples, but you get the point.) Last night was my first night back at work and I told 5 different people about my tubal (none of whom I knew well.) I was just so thrilled that I had to share...I didn't realize it would rifle so many feathers here. Heck, the strangers at work reacted better!

As for "acting crazy", yes I exaggerated a few things when talking to my doc. Was any of it a lie? Nope. I really do feel violent around children and have all my life, which is why I don't often spend time around them. Even as a child, I spent all my time alone or with adults because I couldn't stand the other kids. I never had a single friend until I was 11 and finally met someone who didn't make me want to slap them everytime they opened their mouth to spout some inane childish drivel or let out some high pitched giggle. As I mentioned, I even spent time in therapy trying to cure my kid-phobia because it was really bad at one point (I'm learning now how to handle it better, at least in public.)

I don't think my doc thought I was "bat shit crazy." I think he thought I was an intelligent young lady with a few problems who was trying very hard to do what she had to in order to prevent those problems from seriously affecting her life. Do I have some mental health issues ? Yes. And he knew that. He also knew that I had a decent job that I had been at for almost 4 years and that I had passed a psychological to work there. I think he thought I was functional and reasonable, but also very much suffering from my mental problems.

Which is true, I might add. Having mental/emotional problems isn't fun and I don't feel bad about using it to my advantage on the rare occason that such is possible. For all I know maybe the doc was smart enough to see through me, but knew there was some validity to my claims, as I've been treated by medical professionals for all the problems I mentioned to him.

I am aware of the fact that I don't have very good social skills and sometimes I come across quite differently than I mean to. It's a burden I've dealt with all my life and trust me, it's not fun. Aspergers people tend to have a really hard time understanding why other people find them rude or abrasive, because our brains don't process things like normal people. I don't believe that I've said anything rude to you guys...and am genuinely shocked and hurt that I seem to have upset people.

You have no idea what its like to live your life TRYING to be a nice person and have people constantly misunderstand you and accuse the very action/comment you thought was positive as being "rude and negative." Kind of makes you feel like you're living in topsy-turvey world, as you bemusedly scratch your head and wonder what the hell you said that people found rude. I feel like I just walked up to someone and said "Hi, I'm having a great day, and how are you?" and that person just said "fuck you" and slapped me. What the hell??

As for "seriously exaggerating my condition to get the doc to tie my tubes," I have to admit that I would have said or done ANYTHING to get the doc to do it. ANYTHING. I'm normally honest to a fault, but if I knew that some crazy ass lie would have convinced him to tie my tubes, I would have done it in a fucking HEARTBEAT and not felt guilty after. And you know why? Because if they weren't such assholes about the subject of sterilization, I wouldn't HAVE to resort to such measures. My focus was on results (ie getting my tubal) and I honestly didn't give a rat's ass what I had to say or do to accomplish that as long as it got done. If that makes me a bad person, then fine. I don't care. All I care about is that I finally have the tubal I've been dreaming about since I was 12.

Lustsiren, as for you "not buying it", that's your own decision. I can prove my age, I can prove that I had the tubal (they give you a card to show your other doctors stating that you have had an Essure) and I can give you the name, address, and phone number of the doctor if you so like. I highly recommend him to anyone in the DFW area. I don't know what his reasons for agreeing to it were. I really don't. I do know that the conversation went exactly as I mentioned earlier and that he agreed to my wish. His reasons are his own.

As for me "telling everyone that if they try hard enough they'll get what they want", I consider that "positive encouragement." It was meant to say, "hey, chin up, where there's a will there's a way!"

I honestly don't understand how you could take such a completely supportive and positive statement and turn it into something NEGATIVE. I'm boggled. What should I say instead? "Yep, you're right, it's hopeless, give up and wait till your 30!" Yeah that's real fucking positive and supportive.

[Kari]

That was tl ; dr...not gonna read the whole thing.

Except this part:

Lustsiren, as for you "not buying it", that's your own decision. I can prove my age, I can prove that I had the tubal (they give you a card to show your other doctors stating that you have had an Essure) and I can give you the name, address, and phone number of the doctor if you so like. I highly recommend him to anyone in the DFW area. I don't know what his reasons for agreeing to it were. I really don't. I do know that the conversation went exactly as I mentioned earlier and that he agreed to my wish. His reasons are his own.

You should never ever ever give personal info out on the internets to prove a point. That's all I have to say on the matter.

Again, its not what you said, its how you said it. And that little rant you just made above sort of proves what we've been saying.

[Geeky]

Which is what? I'm not trying to be a bitch here, I am genuinely confused because I am not understanding what you are getting at. Really.

Edited to add: Instead of being snarky, how about understanding that I am genuinely trying to make friends here and to understand what I did wrong...Or is it too much work to actually try to explain things to people?

I do NOT do well with things like subtle hints, beating around the bush, etc. Just say what you're trying to say. What the fuck did I say or do wrong??? I just honestly don't get it and it is VERY frustrating for me when I try to understand a concept that makes no sense to me.

My therapist said that when I don't understand why people are upset, I should ask them to explain to me why what I said was offensive/rude/hurtful etc and then try to listen to what that person is telling me...I'm trying to do that here, but you're not being blunt enough for it to "click" with me. I can be REALLY obtuse about these kind of subjects.

[SMMY]

Way tl ; dr for me.
spaz trap open much?
We seriously need some sort of test that new posters have at least a modicum of sanity before posting. That and I am really not looking forward to posts about future sex acts, bowel movements and/or photos in sexxors from said poster.

*waits for a response that is the length of a novella*

[Kari]

You are a web of contradictions.


Took less than 5 minutes to convince that doc to do my tubal. Sometimes you have to sound a little crazy to convince them. I'm actually quite sane, and I'd never actually hurt a child (I've been tempted though...) But sounding a bit mental sort of helped my case I think. He heard me and thought, "Boy this chick is mental..she SURE doesn't need to be breeding!"



And no I didn't act like a pyscho to my doc, but I have been in therapy over my baby issue, and I felt like it was a valid concern. I actually do have a slightly violent tendency towards them. I'd never act on it, cause it'd cost me my job, but don't think I haven't thought about it. Yeah I played it up a bit and it worked in my favor...Maybe I shouldn't of told the truth. Guess honesty isn't always the best policy huh?

Was acting a little over-the-top ethical? Maybe not...but who the fuck cares...it WORKED.

And I said I acted "a little mental" NOT as total basketcase. I pretty much told ya'll the conversation word for word, as it was a pretty short convo. I said it calmly and with a straight face and everything I said to the doc was true, though admittedly "played up" a bit. Maybe that's not even why he agreed to do it? Who knows. Maybe he's anti-abortion or something or maybe he honestly believes in a young woman's right to choose. Who knows? I just said that *maybe* my acting slightly offskew helped my case. And if it did, good for me. All I care about is that it worked.

As for TMI, I've been accused of that by friends, family, and acquaitances all my life. I have asbergers (google it) and I tend to be a little socially inept at figuring out what a person should and shouldn't say in certain cases.

QED

[SMMY]

Which is what? I'm not trying to be a bitch here, I am genuinely confused because I am not understanding what you are getting at. Really.

Edited to add: Instead of being snarky, how about understanding that I am genuinely trying to make friends here and to understand what I did wrong...Or is it too much work to actually try to explain things to people?

I do NOT do well with things like subtle hints, beating around the bush, etc. Just say what you're trying to say. What the fuck did I say or do wrong??? I just honestly don't get it and it is VERY frustrating for me when I try to understand a concept that makes no sense to me.

My therapist said that when I don't understand why people are upset, I should ask them to explain to me why what I said was offensive/rude/hurtful etc and then try to listen to what that person is telling me...I'm trying to do that here, but you're not being blunt enough for it to "click" with me. I can be REALLY obtuse about these kind of subjects.

again tl ; dr

This is a message board not LJ and certainly not group therapy. If you don't understand why people are angry with your posts after they have explained many, many times to you, could it possibly be due to you? Isn't there a support board for Ass burger's SyndromeTM that you could post at. That way when you say something really offensive (like you have been doing here) they won't know that they have just been insulted and everyone will live disfunctionally happily ever after.

Signed,
Auntie SMMY

[Geeky]

There's a difference between being mental and being a basket case....As for writing lengthy replies, I am extremely verbose. Always have been. I was the kid that turned in 10 page reports when the teacher asked for 2.

And I must be reasonably sane...I hold down a decent job, did exceptionally well in school, and score decently on IQ tests.. Surely that means something?

And I have not said one offensive or rude comment to you guys (at least not until you started bashing me.) PLEASE, I beg you, cite onepiece of evidence or example.

And yes, I'm quite sure my not understanding is ENTIRELY my fault. I simply don't understand these things easily. So much for asking for help from people. People don't want to help people..they want to be mean to them.

[SMMY]

There's a difference between being mental and being a basket case....As for writing lengthy replies, I am extremely verbose. Always have been. I was the kid that turned in 10 page reports when the teacher asked for 2.

And I must be reasonably sane...I hold down a decent job, did exceptionally well in school, and score decently on IQ tests.. Surely that means something?

That the people around you are as dense as you are?

ETA: Fixed it for you :)!

[Geeky]

It was fine the way it was...I'd rather say too much than not enough. It's called "communication".

And what's with the insults? How 5th grade is that?

[SMMY]

It was fine the way it was...I'd rather say too much than not enough. It's called "communication".

And what's with the insults? How 5th grade is that?

Fixed it again. :)!

[Geeky]

It's really sad that you guys are running off other CF people who want to be a part of your community. I happen to be a very good human being and quite worth getting to know. The level of immaturity I've seen here is appalling.

[SMMY]

It's really sad that you guys are running off other CF people who want to be a part of your community. I happen to be a very good human being and quite worth getting to know. The level of immaturity I've seen here is appalling.

Well then, off you go!
Have fun at the next forum you join. :)!

And if you continue to post here, I would be more than pleased to act as your editor, so that the other members of this forum aren't subjected to so much ludicrous drivel.

[Nancy]

Geeky, my brother is mildly autistic so I do know a little something about where you're coming from. The thing is, you can't come into an established forum with all sorts of preconceived notions about how people should respond to you. It would be so much better to hang back a little at first and get the feel of the place before plunging in. You seem to assume that everyone here hates children for one thing, and that is most emphatically not the case. So you're not going to get anything other than a startled or sarcastic response when you say you'd like to slap them.

Child-free people don't like to be marginalized in any way, they don't like to be lectured to, and they tend to be free thinkers, so they're going to respond honestly in their individual ways to what you post.

[SMMY]

My problem with said poster is
a. way too much information. Especially for someone just introducing themselves to a new forum. Lurking is good. Also sometimes a simple yes or no is all that is required. Really.

b. Reading comprehension. After many people have replied to why they were angry with her posts, she still is asking for someone to explain it to her. If she can't read a response and understand what the poster just said, how can she possibly post here in a constructive manner?

c. My empathy with others. When blatantly told that she might consider knocking off the "I've got a tubal" speeches, she still persisted in going on and on about it. I understand that Asperger's might make you unable to empathize or use tact, but I didn't know if affected your ability to read. It's this forum's equivalent of I got candy and you didn't, but maybe you'll get lucky someday. And as I do empathize with a lot of the women here who aren't able to get there physician's to authorize such a procedure, it seems rather shitty to rub their faces in it repeatedly.

I think lurking and getting to know the forum and the people in it would go a long way to improving her reception in this forum, if she does stay. That and responses that have less than 1,000 words in them.

[SpiderTear]

I know I'm a numbnuts, but why are they so against the procedure for younger women? Isn't it reversible?

[Nancy]

I agree with everything you posted, SMMY. Especially "c". The people who complain loudest about being misunderstood often have no empathy for what anyone else is feeling at all, and just because a person has a syndrome, it's no excuse not to try to do your best.

[Rinky vs.4.0]

Geeky, could you post the name and address of the doctor who did your tubal so that people in your state/area/country who may be interested can call or visit him/her?

[Autumn]

^

Yeah. I asked for that like, 4 pages ago, and still haven't seen it posted.

Don't worry, Geeky, it's okay to post a doctor's information. They like referrals.

[Geeky]

The Dr's name is Alan Johns and he is with harris methodist in fort worth and also has an office in north richland hills. You can look him up in the phone book.

I'm posting this because I was serious when I said I came here to help other younger women believe that they too can do what I've done. I came here to be supportive of other and to be a testimonial to them. If they live in fort worth, they are more than welcome to contact him.

I was ridiculed and treated like shit here for nothing more than trying to express my joy over a tubal only 6 days old which I am still ecstatically happy about. I mistakenly thought others would be happy too.

I'm sure you guys are fine people once someone gets to know you...but honestly, I'm not going to bother. If I want to get treated like shit, there's plenty of people in the real world to do that and I don't need to get it extra from the people here.

As for my long answers, since when the hell is it a sin to be talkative??? I'm talkative in real life and I'm talkative online. Extremely so.Yes, I'm that person that people role their eyes at because "she never shuts up." But I happen to think that what I say is interesting and intelligent. I actually like to explain my answers fully and "yes or no" never quite cuts it with me.

Have a good life folks. I'm off to find a place where people are a little nicer to newbies. This place reeks of clique-ishness and elitism.

[Autumn]

This place reeks of clique-ishness and elitism.

Glad to see you're finally starting to understand.

[Autumn]

If anyone is seriously interested in checking out her doctor (although, I'm wondering if she did the ol' point and poke to the phonebook to get the info), here you go.

http://www.ticr.net/Johns%20CV.htm

[Geeky]

Ok I said I wasn't going to post this but I hate nothing more than being called a liar..especially since it may keep someone from contacting Dr. Johns. Here is my proof of essure tubal, with his name on it, with my last name blocked out for obvious privacy/safety reasons.

Front of card:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v653/whitemagegoddess/Scan0001.jpg

Back of card.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v653/whitemagegoddess/Scan0002.jpg


They don't just hand those out on the street...you have to have a TUBAL to get one.

[Amy!]

Now, had you said... I got a tubal from Dr. Johns in TX recently even though I'm only 23 and haven't had kids. That would have been helpful.

What you said was... you haven't tried hard enough, or you're not crazy enough to deserve one.

Communicating effectively also means that you get your point across in as few words as possible. Even if you don't like giving yes or no answers, sometimes that is all that is needed. It's not about what you prefer it's what your audience prefers if you want to be taken seriously.

[Nancy]

I think someone should start a "Congratulations on Your TUBAL!" thread.

[SMMY]

I'm just here for the crumpets and the astrophysics at this point.

[Rizzabella]

I think you took me the wrong way. I wanted to encourage people that if they look hard enough, keep their chin up and keep trying, they will succeed. I was trying to inspire people not to give up.

...and that's nice but you've got to understand that this is a really complex issue and it did seem like you were almost showboating about it somehow.

I know a woman who has been trying for years to get a tubal and has been unable to because docs are convinced that she's going to change her mind about kids. If you've gotten one that's fantastic, that's great for you and you should be happy. But please don't come in here and imply that anyone can do this or that we should be trying as that's pretty frustrating for us to read. Also, many posters in here aren't interested in tubals despite our stated preference regarding kids.

And apparantly, you didn't read my post earlier where I said I had aspergers (one of the primary symptoms of such is a lack of empathy and tact...go figure.)

Honestly, I read through this thread and attempted to empathize with you but I lost it here. Absolutely lost it. My brother is mildly autistic and he would never DREAM of using that as an excuse to be tactless and cruel to people. When he is, he takes responsbility and apologizes. You're stacking on us and complaining about us not being nice to newbies; I admit we're hard on people here but that's if they're not lurking, not paying attention, and being a thorn in someone's side. You made a mistake early on and upset people. Rather than say "I'm sorry, I didn't realize that this was a stupid thing to do or that I bothered you..." you hid that apology in a condemnation of the way things work around here. It's difficult to get people to respond kindly to you if you're doing that to us. Like I said, I really tried to see things from your POV and see if maybe people were ganging up on you but what you've said here just upsets me beyond reason. I know that people with asperger's run the gamut of symptoms and one person with that will not be the same as another but I am appalled that you think it's appropriate to use it as a crutch. People like you make life harder for my brother, who tries his hardest to be "normal" every goddamn day of his life and is held back by people who think he'll use his problems as an excuse to be a horrible human being.

[Kari]

I think someone should start a "Congratulations on Your TUBAL!" thread.

;l

[Autumn]

They don't just hand those out on the street...you have to have a TUBAL to get one.

You are highly annoying. I can't imagine what it would be like to work/live with/know you. "How are you today?" "Great, I got a TUBAL!!!" I mean, TMI, hello??

I can only imagine your other conversations....

Them: Hey, what's up?
You: I just took a shit, and it was meaty and full of corn!
Them: Uh, great!
You: God, I want to kill some kids right now.
Them: Uh. Wow.
You: My gyno said I have a low cervix.
Them: ........
You: Abortions tickle.

[Nancy]

Bamba, you rock. ;l

[Steve SFM]

Ohhh, my.

I really must remember to read threads once they start to explode with posts.

[SMMY]

You are highly annoying. I can't imagine what it would be like to work/live with/know you. "How are you today?" "Great, I got a TUBAL!!!" I mean, TMI, hello??

I can only imagine your other conversations....

Them: Hey, what's up?
You: I just took a shit, and it was meaty and full of corn!
Them: Uh, great!
You: God, I want to kill some kids right now.
Them: Uh. Wow.
You: My gyno said I have a low cervix.
Them: ........
You: Abortions tickle.


;l;l;l Bamba for president!

but you know this is going to prompt another essay from her.

[Kari]

You are highly annoying. I can't imagine what it would be like to work/live with/know you. "How are you today?" "Great, I got a TUBAL!!!" I mean, TMI, hello??

I can only imagine your other conversations....

Them: Hey, what's up?
You: I just took a shit, and it was meaty and full of corn!
Them: Uh, great!
You: God, I want to kill some kids right now.
Them: Uh. Wow.
You: My gyno said I have a low cervix.
Them: ........

Best. post. in. thread!

[Amy!]

Just to be nitpicky, does Asperger's also make you forget how old you are?
Geeky says 23 but her profile says almost 25.

[Heart of Moon]

Something about this whole situation occurred to me yesterday, and I thought I would point it out.

Geeky says that if anybody tries hard enough, they can get a tubal just like she did. But then she's constantly saying she didn't have to work hard to get her tubal--her regular doctor agreed after five minutes. Perhaps this is the crux of the problem. She doesn't know what people mean when they say they've tried.

Also, I love you all.

[Rizzabella]

Perhaps this is the crux of the problem. She doesn't know what people mean when they say they've tried.
It very well could be. As I mentioned earlier, I know someone who is in lots of pain and really needs to have her tubes tied and they won't do it for her because of the kid issue. She's been in their office sobbing from the pain and unable to move but that's still not good enough for the docs she's seeing, and she's gone to more than one to talk it over.

For a lot of women it really seems like this isn't as easy as just saying "Well, I wanna do this!" if they're younger. So it's really kind of a slap in the face for those who have tried hard to have someone parade this in front of them.

[jeth]

^ I've seen women come down with conditions that need to be resolved with surgical procedures which will render you sterile and doctors have side-stepped around going that route saying they will want MORE babies. They already had babies! How many babies do you have to pop out before a doctor will believe that you have the right to decide what's best for you? I can almost see where my doctor is hesitant with me because I have no babies (even though I will never ever change my mind), but to say that the rule is you have to have a baby first and then change the rules for the next woman?

Doctors in this country are afraid of lawsuits from women who may later decide they made a bad choice. That's the only thing I can think of for why it's so hard for women to get doctors to listen to their wishes when it comes to what they want done with their bodies. And on an elective procedure I can almost understand the hesitation. I don't believe it's right, but I can almost understand it. But for women who are in pain, who may suffer in the long-term, to be told that they cannot have a procedure which would ease their suffering/prevent bad things from happening later on on the grounds that they will change their mind? No, that just isn't right. It's not right at all.

I wonder how many men get turned away from the snip snip because they aren't 30 yet and haven't become a babydaddy yet? I wonder how many men would given less effective treatments when their health is endangered in the interest of keeping them fertile? I'm betting the number is quite low by comparison to the number of women who are told they couldn't possibly know what they want.

I love you all too! [post28]

[PandaWatch!]

I wonder how many men get turned away from the snip snip because they aren't 30 yet and haven't become a babydaddy yet? I wonder how many men would given less effective treatments when their health is endangered in the interest of keeping them fertile? I'm betting the number is quite low by comparison to the number of women who are told they couldn't possibly know what they want.

I'm sure that number must be ungodly low. My husband had a consult with a doctor about the ol' snip-snip and I'm sure it'd be done by now if hubby hadn't been creeped out by the information he got about the operation. True, we have one child, but he was under 30 and the subject of more children was never addressed. Point being, it was left up to my husband where they were going to go from there.

Man say he want operation, doctor say okay. Woman say she want operation, doctor say, "hmmm...we need time to think about that, dear." It sucks.

I wish all of you facing this issue all the best. I just don't know when docs and the government alike with take reproductive freedom seriously.

[HideAndSeek]

You are highly annoying. I can't imagine what it would be like to work/live with/know you. "How are you today?" "Great, I got a TUBAL!!!" I mean, TMI, hello??

I can only imagine your other conversations....

Them: Hey, what's up?
You: I just took a shit, and it was meaty and full of corn!
Them: Uh, great!
You: God, I want to kill some kids right now.
Them: Uh. Wow.
You: My gyno said I have a low cervix.
Them: ........
You: Abortions tickle.

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Bambatron again.

[HideAndSeek]

I have a friend who is 34 and was unable to get a tubal ligation because she doesn't have any children, despite the fact that she has always stated she has no interest in having them. She does not have a medical condition that makes it a necessity either. Her partner, who is the same age as she is, and also doesn't have any children, had no trouble at all when seeking a vasectomy.

I wonder if the medical profession view women as emotionally unstable, or do they look at it being less invasive to have a vasectomy, as well as it being easier to reverse.. or a combination of both??

[Nancy]

I think there's a lot of sexism and Bible-thumping going on, at least in the US. The clinic where I got my abortion five years ago has been closed and replaced by a Christian "counseling center." We can't have all these young ladies making decisions by themselves, y'know.

[jeth]

I think it may be in large part a doctor's failure to see each women as an individual. When you see x number of patients per day, and when you're working in an OBGYN office which attracts a percentage of pregnant women every day, when one of your patients says "I never want kids" you're probabably thinking to yourself "Yeah, I have four knocked up patients in the waiting room right now who probably thought like you once." They probably have a good share of patients whose initial visits were loaded with statements about not wanting to start a family yet and then boom! they were pregnant (whether on purpose or not). They may be simply confusing statements like "I don't want any kids yet" with statements like "I don't want any kids, ever" which they probably hear less often. Given how often I find myself repeating my medical chart to the person who failed to read it before walking into the room I'm not surprised that actual statements we make regarding our healthcare decisions are brushed off or forgotten.

I would say the worst bingo I got yet was from a nurse practitioner who I later learned also had a certified nurse midwife designation. Of course I couldn't possibly want a baby-free life! I'm her patient, and her patients make her money by having babies, so babies it is!

[Fox in Socks]

hmmm...she may have had a tubal, but i sincerely doubt the aspergers. just statin'

[PandaWatch!]

We can't have all these young ladies making decisions by themselves, y'know.

That's exactly how I see it, too. As women, we just can't seem to be "trusted" to know what we want. Plus, if you're being pro-active and assertive about such things, well, we can't have that, either. Besides, you're probably just having your period. A few more days and you'll be back to baby-minded clear thinking. :r

[Nancy]

Panda, obviously I agree but I've been reading jeth's reply and I also think there's a lot of good sense in her view that doctors sometimes get overwhelmed with what they perceive as mixed messages from their patients. I just hope we can keep quietly but forcefully standing up for our reproductive rights til the point where more of them listen, take us seriously, and pay attention to our needs.

[PandaWatch!]

^^Oh, definitely!

I just get riled when I see our reproductive rights being trampled and focused on that. Damn my passionate nature! ;)

And yes, it must be hard for doctors to know which situations are "the real thing." I'm sure they see enough B.S. to want to be cautious.
Like you said, Winter, we'll just have to keep fighting the good fight!

[Adrian]

Is the problem that doctors won't perform the procedure or that insurance wont pay for it?

It seems to me, if people can have all sorts of surgeries (cosmetic surgeries, men having vasectomies, etc) to fit their life style, why is this different? If the problem is insurance won't pay for it, it's not really a surprise because insurance doesn't want to pay for anything including birth control pills. Of course, it seems like it would be less expensive for them to pay for the tubal than for on going BC, pregnancy, childbirth etc.

Just curious.

[Heart of Moon]

^Well, my insurance covered BC pills, but not my IUD, which is vastly less expensive. Granted, after insurance, I was still paying $20 a month for the hormones.

[jeth]

I don't think many women get the luxury of finding out if their insurance will pay for the tubal because most doctors are resistant to the idea of doing an elective surgery on a woman that will destroy her fertility in the first place. If you could get the doctor to consent then maybe insurance would pick it up, maybe they wouldn't. But it's not about insurance at this point, it's about getting doctors to listen in the first place.

[Kari]

I just found out that my insurance covers tubal. !!!!!!

Finding a doctor to do it, however, is another story.

[Heart of Moon]

^Well, at least that's one step in the right direction. Yay for you!

[VioLeNT StAr]

i've been having some baby lust recently and i do try to snap back to reality when i have it.

but it's been getting a bit harder with a lot of people i know having kids. Yes, babies are adoreable, but i keep telling myself i know they won't stay that way :)

anyways, blah. i' had a dream (well, nightmare) last night that I DID have a baby and i actually liked being a nurturing mother.

[penumbra]

^ I'm going through a similar phase. I switched birth control methods recently, and that ALWAYS makes me go through a weird hormonal baby lust phase. It didn't help that I spent time with my niece and nephews yesterday, and all three are adoreable.

I just remind myself that I enjoy giving them back to my sister way, way too much to ever have the Real Thing.

[Kari]

Baby lusting again. :( Everyone at work brought their kids and my friend's baby (her name is Sydney, she's 17 months) has bonded with me. We've been hanging out all day because she won't leave me alone, and she melts my cold childfree heart. She really does.

Until she cries. Then I give her back to mom. ;l

[Jezebelle]

Until she cries. Then I give her back to mom. ;l

Next time, ask to see her diaper! That should help you get through this temporary rough patch :p

[Kari]

Next time, ask to see her diaper! That should help you get through this temporary rough patch :p

Oh, she just made poop while I was playing with her. I was holding her and then suddenly I smelled it. And gagged a little. ;l Her mom laughed at me.

[Morgan]

Watch a childbirth video. It scared me straight!

[Kari]

I totally should! I'm already pretty much over it. I was just around a cute baby who was reasonably well behaved all day and she really liked me. ;l

And I got my period today, so...yeah. I blame hormones. ;)

[diary of wood]

I really don't think I've ever baby lusted.

Today this woman at work told me she thought I'd be an excellent teacher or mother because I apparently seem so patient and calm. Little did she know that as I gave her a pleasant smile, I wanted to strangle her with my fallopian tubes. :)!

[cjm11581]

^ I'm a teacher for that very reason. I like kids as long as they belong to someone else and are going away after a finite amount of time. Do I want to have my own? No way.

[chickentart]

i project babylust on my co-workers whenever Lucy comes in. she's chubby, sweet, lovable, smart, giggle, sweet, and still not independently mobile. that = really fun. They love her. She gets passed around from person to person and i never see her.

ok. i'm done. You babylusters are welcome to snuggle Lucy to get the babylovins out of your system. :)

[Steve SFM]

Lucy is love.

[madworld]

I don't think I've ever had the baby lust problem. I get more excited when someone brings a kitten or dog around. Then I get super squishy and want to hold he/she. Babies, I'm like, "Meh. Cute. Enough." I think children are good in small doses.

[Kala Murie]

Never, ever had any baby lust - I think newborns look like alien beings.

[Rinky vs.4.0]

i project babylust on my co-workers whenever Lucy comes in. she's chubby, sweet, lovable, smart, giggle, sweet, and still not independently mobile. that
= really fun. They love her. She gets passed around from person to person and i never see her.

Also, she has the chubbiest cheeks and biggest lips and huge blue eyes and massive thighs and she's a snergly cuddly little BUNDLE OF PERFECTION SQEEE alksdjgalksdga !!!



Serious question - are you actively trying to be annoying or do you truly think that long, loving descriptions of your child's fat legs are the sort of thing this forum welcomes?

Once more - the parents' pad is down the hall - use it.

[chickentart]

.

[Rinky vs.4.0]

S'all right, I got your red dot - as to your question as to who died and made me the baby lust police (would that be some kind of anti-pedobear squad?), well, being a CF person who used to mod this place as opposed to a parent who has already overstepped the mark here before ..... you work it out, you dumb bitch (yes, that's me being 'incredibly rude' again - deal with it).

[jeth]

Okay, seriously, let's tone it down. This is supposed to be a drama free forum and I'd like to keep it that way.

Lisa - I'm sorry, but your glowing cutesy description of your child is the kind of thing I would expect most parents to say about their own children. I'm sure your child is adorable, but I have to agree that the chubby cheeks, fat legs, ZOMG BABY sentiment is pretty much lost in this forum. Your post didn't exactly fit with the whole theme in here.

Helen - can we keep the 'you dumb bitch' crap out of this forum? If you want to take the insults to PM, by all means do so, but I'm not going to have a fight erupt in here.

[Rinky vs.4.0]

Sorry, it's just that extreme bluntness seemed entirely necessary given the circumstances. How many times do you have to tell people what this forum is and isn't for for them to get it through their heads? *shrug*

[Jezebelle]

Kari - next time you should look into this:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=qij9J7M3k2c

My Fake Baby explores the lives of women who spend hundreds, and sometimes thousands, of pounds on life-like baby dolls. Known as "reborns" some of the dolls have beating hearts, others have tiny veins and even milk spots. Loved like real babies, they're taken for walks, cuddled and even have their nappies changed

;l

Its part of a documentary in the UK

[Antigone]

Kari - next time you should look into this:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=qij9J7M3k2c



;l

Its part of a documentary in the UK

Oh. My. God. It's BABY REAL DOLLS.

[Kari]

Okay, yeah, that's just creepy. ;l

[Rinky vs.4.0]

In the first few minutes of the doc the maker says, "My children are older now, and you don't get the attention anymore."

Says it all, really.

There was a big debate at work about this last week after the doc aired, with all the women (old, young, childred, non-childed, CF) on one side shouting, 'These. Women.Are.Ill!' and one lone man insisting that 'There's nothing wrong with wanting a baby!'

[Kari]

It creeps me out that people can re-create their dead children. WTF? How can one ever go through the grieving process if they can walk around with a fake replica of someone they lost? It's just beyond weird, and not very healthy either.

[Rinky vs.4.0]

Yeah. Can you imagine a woman who'd lost a husband getting a life-sized replica as a fill-in? There wouldn't be any debate that she was ill and not dealing with the grief.

[Adrian]

Kari - next time you should look into this:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=qij9J7M3k2c



;l

Its part of a documentary in the UK

This is pretty sick. Ill is right.

I could only see wanting one as a prank prop.

[Rizzabella]

I'm having this weird feeling a lot now, I was always pretty sure I didn't want kids anyway but now I was just told that it's going to be very very tough for me to have children and if I DO get pregnant, chances are high that I'll miscarry. That hit me really hard so for the past couple of weeks I've been looking at lots of kids and feeling bad---- but I'm thinking that I'm not upset about the fact that I can't have kids so much as I am upset that my body betrayed me a little. It makes me feel guilty because there are lots of other women who are in the same boat as I am and really WANT kids...

Sorry for the overshare, I haven't talked about it much and wanted to a little. :(

[jeth]

^ I understand that. A few years ago I found myself facing surgery that, if they found anything super bad while scoping around, would have resulted in me never being able to have kids ever. And I had to wrestle with that idea for a few days. Additionally, ongoing problems meant that I had to prepare myself for the eventuality that someday I would probably go under the knife again and end up sterile as a result. So while I didn't want kids to start with, here I was not be able to make the choice anymore, but sort of having the choice made for me. And I had to reconcile that.

In the end, of course, I was fine with it. Initially, though, the thing that bothered me wasn't that I wouldn't be able to have kids (that was okay with me), but the fact that, like you said, my body betrayed me. My body took my choice away. It's one thing to choose not to have kids and another thing to have your body choose for you.

[long taxi ride]

i'm having some baby lust. i can identify it and it seems to be when i am ovulating, but it happens every month and it's tiring. i literally thought about not taking my birth control pill today! like really really thought about it. that's so unlike me.

i'm young (24) by today's standards, but when i was growing up i always thought i'd be married with kids by now just because that was how it was in texas. as i grew up i decied that i'd never have any kids and i just went back and forth with my feelings on the whole thing. i don't know how i feel now. i've been terrified of pregnancy since i can remember, but lately i've been craving it almost! my SO and i are happy and will probably get married in the next several years, but he won't be ready for kids in the next 6-10 years. if i am itchin' for them one week out of every month, i imagine i'll be a mental case. this shit is stressful! i don't like it!

[Kari]

i'm having some baby lust. i can identify it and it seems to be when i am ovulating, but it happens every month and it's tiring. i literally thought about not taking my birth control pill today! like really really thought about it. that's so unlike me.



If you're taking the pill, don't you not ovulate? Am I wrong?

I've noticed a significant decrease in my baby lust since re-starting the BCP. It's been...relaxing. :)!

[cjm11581]

If you're taking the pill, don't you not ovulate? Am I wrong?

That's how my doctor explained it to me. It elevates your hormone levels so that your body thinks you are already pregnant, and doesn't release an egg.

[RedHead]

I think it depends on the pill. Some pills may just change the acidity of the uterine and cervical mucous, making it unlikely that sperm will a) get to the egg and if that happens by chance b) make implantation more difficult and unlikely.