Advice, please?

[persephone]

Well, bf has been causing a few problems recently.
He's just the sweetest boy, and i love him to pieces but he's been having lots of problems lately. Last friday, things kinda climaxed and he smashed up his flat. And i mean smashed up - even ripping the toilet out (man, he must be strong). He then jumped out of a three storey window (suicide attempt?) and broke his leg (just one).
He was taken to hospital and I was called away from university. At the hospital the psychiatrists sectioned him, as he wasn't coherant enough to permit voluntary admission. So he's stuck in the mental health inpatient unit for at least 2 weeks while they do assessment/diagnosis.
And i don't know what to do. My friends are saying i should leave him (college is HARD and i'm struggling to keep up) to help us both. I think i should stay. It could hurt him even more if i go, but i know that its hurting me to stay.

[Cheri]

Hm.................

You are not going to like what I say. Take the two weeks and examine whether or not it is healthier to stay with him or to leave him. His happiness doesnt depend on you. It is his own making. People who dont love themselves cant love other people, and by what you say he doesnt love himself. I am by no means a professional. I am just in my mother mode. If you were my child I would be saying the same thing just a little louder and more angrier.

I hope this helps some. ;k

[St. Theresa]

Ouch, Persephone! Could that have been a drunken rage? Some other sort of chemical influence? In any case, it's a good thing he's getting some help. Don't think of it as being "stuck" in an in-patient program. Think of it as getting help. Whether you stay with him or not depends on the supports you both have to deal with his healing, if he can heal. It also depends on his commitment to living a normal life. I don't think we all have enough info to make that judgment for you.

HOWEVER, and I'll say this over and over again ~ relationships are hard work as time goes by. If this is still a new relationship (a few years or less) you are, my friend, experiencing the BEST of times. It doesn't magically get better on its own. Doesn't sound, thusfar, like this guy is going to be a pillar of strength for you and I shudder to think of him as a father if he remains in this condition.

This may sound stupid, but sometimes it's helpful to make a list of pros and cons. What's good about being with him. What is wrong and what could get worse? Love, intimacy and friendship does not begin and end with him, even though it feels like it.

Do what's right for YOU!!!!!

[Cheri]

Amen St. Theresa!!

[persephone]

Well, an update for those kind people who have read and replied (thankyou for listening).

Went to see bf today in the hospital (despite the 2 weeks not being up - his dad managed to fix it up as bf asked to see me), which frankly was depressing (its a grim place).
Basically, we are breaking up - his dad is taking him back to the US after his release (he's leaving his studies). His dad blames me for what happened (but I know it was nothing to do with me). Bf is ok - lucid, coherent etc. - but is not really the man that I fell in love with anymore.

I actually feel remarkably released by this news about the breakup - I've been worrying about how I would cope if we remained together - although I am sad that I've lost him.

I can concentrate on my studies and my emotional state and myself now. I know he'll be well looked after and I just have to pick up the pieces and carry on.

Positivity, sunshine and laughter I think are what I need...

[Cheri]

Good luck sweetie!

[St. Theresa]

You're showing a lot of strength. That his dad blames you for his son's problems is a product of denial. He can't deal with the fact that there is something "wrong" with his son. So you're the likely target. I hope you don't internalize any blame because it certainly does not belong to you.

If a mental illness could be looked at in the same light as another type of illness, for example, gall stones, there'd be no reason for denial and blame. If you have chest pains, you get medical help and no one is going to think any less of you. If the chemicals in your brain aren't doing their thing, you should be able to seek medical attention without the stigma society places on mental health issues. As long as it's politically incorrect to admit needing some help, people are going to continue to suffer needlessly.

I hope your (ex) BF gets better and I hope that the experiences you've had will serve you in the future.

[Seabreeze]

<b>What country are you from? I noticed a few words that were of English nature is all.

To be truthful, "GET RID OF THE BLODDY DRIP"
[In America(I call the twirp)----A piece of shit!]
From what you have said, you have mighty goals in your life.... Why waste them on a loser? You can do better than that and I am sure you know that too!!
Girlfriend: We all get lonely & sometimes things look better than they should, but as hard as it is, we do snap out of it.

Get on with your goals and education!
Ya we do have needs and emotions, but sometimes we also need to be hard about that too![I will email you about this one Take care sweetie,
;k

[persephone]

Well since you asked, I'm from London, Uk.

Thanks for your kind messages.

[Cheri]

Im just glad you are ok and that he didnt harm you.