i cant stand feeling like this anymore

[Raquel Welsh]

Hey
i feel terribly depressed.
I've been depressed for the past 2 years now (an aweful breakup), with various intensity, but i remember what it was like before and it hasnt been like that for 2 years.
I read a lot about the symptoms, etc of depression. Is there a fucking remedy? Are there proven methods that help? How do i get out of this. I want a solution. I feel like i am carrying a terrible weight on my shoulders.

[St. Theresa]

Sorry that you're feeling lousy, Raquel. It's a pretty common thing to suffer from depression, but if you think it's getting in the way of your functioning in full capacity, try to get some help. Meds really can make a difference, but I see them as a temporary thing while you do what's most important, which is some sort of counseling or therapy to help you put everything in perspective. Doesn't mean you're "nuts," just that you could use a little help. Meds and counseling usually means two different types of doctors. Psychistrist and psychologist. I find psychiatrists around here don't do much for counseling, just write the scripts. I think that's sorta weird.

Life ain't easy! Gotta take it in small doses.

[Raquel Welsh]

therapy? hum.
You asked if i could function at full capacity? I can, and i do!
I used not to be able about a year ago when i had drinking problems and all i did was sit around and drink and cry. I got out of that by my own, i started taking violin classes again and it got my mind off things and not too long after i was fully functional.
But still i have this big melancholy. I can turn it off sometimes but not always.
Is therapy the only way? If it is i will start saving money and finding time for it. Maybe there is an alternate way? more like a home remedy?
Thanks for your concern St. Theresa. This means a lot to me, more than you think
:)

[St. Theresa]

Well, good, I'm glad you're actually seeing an improvement. When therapy costs money, it can make you even more depressed! Self-remedies? Well, I do think we have to be our own shrink sometimes. Tell ourselves we're ok; take one day at a time. That kind of thing. Positive books, music. (Honey is supposed to help increase seratonin, which is an important chemical in feeling mentally well.)

And...I should take my own advice :) And...you're welcome.

[Cheri]

Alot of people find themselves more depressed in winter than any other time. Where do you live?

[Raquel Welsh]

In Montreal Quebec Canada.

A great poet from Quebec called Gilles Vigneault wrote the line "My country is not a country, it is winter" and also another poet, Emile Nelligan wrote "Oh how the snow has snowed, my window is an ice garden. Oh how the snow has snowed, what is the spasm of living, with the pain that i bear, that I bear" (translated)

Winter does have a certain effect on me like that, but spring can sometimes depress me too, in a different way...because i feel that everyone is happy in spring and i wish i could share the happiness with them, i feel like i'm not part of the happy moment.

[St. Theresa]

Are you setting high expectations for yourself?

[Raquel Welsh]

Actually, it feels like high expectations come to me...let me explain:

Example #1: Last semester (last fall) I was having a hard time emotionally, having anxiety and depression. I had 5 really difficult classes at University, and i decided that the next semester I would take only 4 easy classes so i could relax and work on my emotions.
I did take 4 easy classes this semester but in december, job and career opportunities started pouring in, opportunities that i could not refuse and frankly i didnt want to refuse, and if i was well emotionally i would have been extatic. Anyway turns out i am even more busy than in the fall, like way more busy. Sometimes i run around when i am really busy and say to myself "Never a dull moment for me, no!" I whish i had time but i guess i'm in my prime time of productivity and opportunity (21 years old) and i gotta do this.

Example #2 when i was 14 everyone was telling me I could jump up and down really high, so i went to a sports center and met a coach and jumped for him and he was very impressed. Next thing you know i'm on the Canadian track and field team (as a high jumper) going to the nationals and training 5 times a week, and competing against girls in their 20s. this was way harsh on me, little girl that I was. The coaches had huge expectations for me, i was their little treasure, and even though i constantly lost against the older girls, they were like "It doesnt matter". Needless to say i dropped out of that when i was 16 and disapointed tons of people. It's difficult to be a focused teenager

Anyway, see it's like expectations are running after me...maybe I should consider myself lucky...
I do set high expectations for myself in relationships, especially boyfriend. That might be part of the problem..

[St. Theresa]

It's a rude awakening to finally get what "you want" and then realize it's no great shakes. It's a great argument for trying to enjoy what you've got. I've gotta figure out how to do that, too ;)

[Raquel Welsh]

I know...part of me wants to enjoy what I have but on the other hand i think "Man, i wish i had more time to myself, to enjoy myself and get rid of this depressed feeling i carry around" Maybe occupying my time is a good way of not feeling down to often 9always on the go = no time to think) But i figure it's not good to run away from problems and it is important to explore and understand the darker colors of the great big color scheme.

What do you do in life St. T? What do you have to learn to enjoy?
Wasnt it you who said you would like to be 21 again in OIT?

[St. Theresa]

Well, I'm a single (married but separated) mom struggling to make ends meet as a self-under-employed web designer and Internet consultant. I have a son with major behavior problems and that takes up a lot of my time. I can't even afford to get officially divorced at the moment, and I happen to be involved with a man from Canada who can't think about living here with me until all is said and done and then some. The days are all pretty long and hard lately and my to-do list is always long. SOOOO...I gotta enjoy what I got. I can't let it overwhelm me. I can't do everything in a day. Sometimes I can't do anything in a day. I have to smell the roses, take care of myself, enjoy the precious moments with my children. Let them feel secure. I have to remember it could be worse and hope it won't be. I don't want to spend the rest of my non-wrinkled and non-grey days being miserable!

Sorry to turn this around on me, but you asked :) Our culture is insatiable. We're always striving for perfect happiness but never seeming to achieve it. Our grass is never as green as someone else's. There's got to be a limit. There's got to be a point where we can say LIFE IS GOOD! There's got to be a way just to be happy being alive and doing our best.

[Delicate Sun]

Originally posted by St. Theresa
Our grass is never as green as someone else's. There's got to be a limit. There's got to be a point where we can say LIFE IS GOOD! There's got to be a way just to be happy being alive and doing our best. <font color="ff00ff">That was beautiful! So inspiring!

Raquel Welsh, some people believe that occupying all their time (keeping busy) distracts them from feeling depressed. I agree and disagree. Sometimes you're so damn busy you don't even have time to do the things that make you happy to even prevent stress. All awhile it is creeping up on you.

What do you trully enjoy doing? What makes you happy? What ever it is, make time in your schedule to do it. Call it your...relaxation treat. The funny thing about the expectations of others is that they don't know your capacity.

I don't know, I think to many times people say "Well, this makes me smile endlessly but...oh well." Screw oh well. Go for it. </font>

[Cheri]

Man and here I thought I was having problems in life. Thank you for making me feel grateful for the things and people I do have. I hope you feel better soon.

[Raquel Welsh]

yo! I cannot post a long respond right now but i will! eventually. St. Theresa you seem to have lots to think about. Try not to get too worked up about things. About the smoking, i smoke too, and when i get really busy i smoke a LOT. Try to push your next cigarette back at least ten minutes after you crave it. Eventually you'll smoke less.

Delicate sun: that is some good advice. There are a lot of things i like doing. I'm not one of those bored people that never know what to do. hey, how much time from my schedule should i take to relax per week (if i were normal) ?

:)
ciao, i'll write later ;f