Are you worried too?

[frangipanigirl]

I've been worrying a lot lately about SUMMER. I live in Ontario, Canada and we're entering spring now and by the end of May or so it's damn hot and sunny here--and that means shorts, tank tops and bathing suits. :a

I've been exercising about 5 days a week for the past month and I've been doing very well with cutting back on my snacking and stuff, and I'm happy that I've lost 3 lbs.--but summer's just coming too fast!

I'm 24 years old and I want to be able to wear the tanks, shorts and bikinis that all my beautiful 24 year old girlfriends will be wearing. I'm always so self conscious and uncomfortable in them and I kept telling myself through winter and spring that this summer will be different--I'll be looking good in all that stuff. I've been experiencing a great deal of anxiety about this recently--about buying new summer stuff (like want a new bathing suit) and not being terrifed to wear it. I drive myself crazy about this stuff.

[FaerieDreamer]

oh I totally know how you are feeling. I am totally worried about summer coming up for one reason. We are going to Las Vegas for our honeymoon and my fiance really wants to go to the Wet n Wild waterpark one day we are there. I am so completely terrified of looking like a beached whale getting stuck on the slides. *sigh*

~FaerieDreamer~

[frangipanigirl]

"I am so completely terrified of looking like a beached whale getting stuck on the slides".

You cracked me up FaerieDreamer! At least you have a wonderful honeymoon to look forward to with someone you love. When your sweetie's lookin' at you--he's thinking "hot hot hot!". Congrats and have a wonderful time! :O

Should we all vote in favour of a few more months of winter? I never thought that the forthcoming season would be causing me such total anxiety. I think about it TOO MUCH--it's like I'm obsessed with it or something.

I mean I exercised for a half hour earlier today, and then I went out and cut the lawn (a pretty decent workout in itself)--and now I'm seriously considering exercising again now (some extra sit ups, leg lifts, crunches, etc.). I feel this need to speed things ahead since I can't slow summer's arrival down!

[whirlygirl]

I *was* worried about it but then I kinda stopped...I don't mind wearing shorts that much...I *do* have a bit of an issue with tanks and sleeveless shirts because my upper arms are, well, not something *I* want to look at... The bathing suit part doesn't bother me too much for two reasons...One being that I already wear a bathing suit almost every day to swim my laps. The other being that other than laps, I really don't do *anything* which would require wearing a bathing suit. So I figure that's moot.

I just wanna stop feeling like there's too much of me. :s

[Rath_Dawg]

I'm never worried about summer. If people have a problem with this dawg wearing shorts...I generally tell em to bite my hairy white butt. Usually gets them to move along.

Rath_Dawg: Letting them know that you don't give a care about what they think of you is great. Well, I guess it works for me because I don't care about what others think about my body. Been this way for quite a while now.

[SparkleScamp]

Frangi: I know what you mean abou the anxiety factor. I have quite the obsessive personality and worry about everything. Doesn't help that I'm going on a business trip in May and am coincidentally seeing my ex boyfriend...talk about ANXIETY!

The more I love myself the less I care what others think. The more I exercise the more I love what my body can DO over what I look like. But I still DO care. And that's not entirely a bad thing. I do want to look good according to society's standards. But if that is my ONLY motivation then I will never be able to do enough or look good enough...my motivation has to come from my love for myself.

Revel in the fact that you will look BETTER by summer. After all you have a lot of years ahead of you and if you have a healthful, active lifestyle you'll just look better and better all the time.

Love,

Chris

;o

[whirlygirl]

That's a great way to look at it Chris...

My arms may not be thin by summer, but they will likely be thinNER and definitely stronger :e

[Leina Rose]

Clothing for summer is the least of my worries right now... But when my best friend's wedding is over (ROSE BUD!!!!!!!!!!) and when school is done, I'll be heading back to the gym. I don't like losing muscle tone because of stress.

Oh yeah, the other thing I'll be worrying about over the summer: getting a tan. I seriously seriously don't want to get darker.

frangipanigirl, just hang in there, okay?:l

5x5,
Leina

[Rose Bud]

For having all kinds of weight issues, this is one thing that's never bothered me, at all. I'll wear shorts and tank tops and bathing suits and not give a flying fuck what anyone else thinks. I'm not wearing what I am for other people, I wear what I do for comfort. I wore jeans almost all of last summer though, because of my job and the dress code. (No t-shirts or tank tops :()

And if someone has a problem with seeing my fat legs or the stretch marks on my arms, there's a simple solution-DON'T LOOK AT ME!

[Eiscicle]

Wow, I love your attitude Rose Bud. :e I just bought a sleevless dress last week because it was a deal and I looked damn cute in it. I haven't bought anything sleeveless in five years, but I decided to SCREW IT! My arms aren't perfect but who cares? I can't wait until the weather is warm enough to wear it. :h

--Kristin

[SparkleScamp]

Yeah I love the positive attitude in this thread too! You chicks rock. Please check out my rant on tight clothing in the friendship thread. Also check out this website:

Fat Chicks have to fight for their right to BARE ARMS (http://www.catay.com/cat/barearms/index.html) When you check out the rest of the website you will see a beautifully designed photo album by a very fat chick with very healthy self esteem...she is oddly beautiful. (no I don't know this chick).

Good luck to you Rose Bud (again)! Leina Rose, are you the maid of honor? And Kristin, you will look HOT in that cool dress!

~Chris

;o

[FaerieDreamer]

hehe, I wrote in haste earlier and didn't explain myself quite well. My only worry during the summertime is wearing a swimsuit. I literally live in shorts and t-shirts all summer and couldn't give a care what people think I look like. I just want to be comfortable. In fact, I've already started wearing my shorts here. :) I just have to prepare myself for the bathing suit thing in real public. Going to the gym and swimming in our apartment pool I'm pretty okay with, but this is going to be out in major public.

But I will keep thinking positively about this, I will be thinner in July. and I will be celebrating the most wonderful time in my life so this will be a good thing! :)

~Faeriereamer~

[Leina Rose]

Sparklescamp, I am one of TWO maids of honour at Rose Bud's wedding. The dresses that the bridal party will be wearing are GORGEOUS! When I was getting my dress altered, I was so in awe of it.

5x5,
Leina

[SparkleScamp]

FaerieDreamer, yeah I know what you mean. There's public and then there's PUBLIC. Especially bathing suits, why don't they design those things sensibly??? A friend made some comments about my modest two piece that made me cringe, so I went out and got one with a SKIRT. How old lady is that. Granted, it's black with silver trim and has a clean line to my hips, not one of those ruffly jobbies. Looks quite good actually. But it's still a skirt! You'll be fine though!

Leina, PICTURES PICTURES! I can't wait to see!

[frangipanigirl]

Thanks gals! :)

I see that some of you are a little busy (wedding) to be worrying about this silly stuff. If I had something to keep me busy, nervous, excited and anxious maybe I'd stop being distracted by this issue. :p

I really really envy the self esteem all of you have. I've always had awfully low self esteem--for nearly 25 years now! I just can't tolerate my appearance and ll the years of nasty comments by even friends and family haven't helped. I guess in truth I'll never please them anyway. I just can't feel confident and happy with the way I look--I've been trying for soooooooooo long. But, it's nice to see that a lot of people do have the confidence and high self esteem that I wish I had--it gives me hope that someday i'll have it too (it might not be until I'm about 40, but better late than never).

I'll try and focus on the fact that I'll look BETTER by summer at least. Best of luck to everyone with everything! :)

[Leina Rose]

frangipanigirl, I totally know the kind of situation you're in. When I was at my heaviest (size 12), my relatives would call me fat to my face, that's how fucking rude they were. And when I was skinny (size 3), these same relatives would tell me to eat. I was so confused. I don't really have a high self-esteem, I just try to deal with what life has given me (size 8). BTW I'm only 5'2", as if that makes a difference. I think my soft arms look rather nice---I was never really one who liked muscular arms on myself anyway.

We are reaching our goals, or are in the process of getting there. WE SO RULE!

5x5,
Leina

[frangipanigirl]

Leina: Mean people suck and my life has always been full of them! I soooooo got the short end of the stick when we all lined up for friends and family. Yeesh. :g

Anyway, I just don't understand why people have to be so judgemental and nasty! Sure, I sometimes think someone doesn't look so great (whether it's what they're wearing, or how they look, etc.) because we all have personal preferences--but I would NEVER comment about it to them or anyone else. It's soooooo rude! I try to deal with what life has given me too, it just seems that whenever I'm dealing well someone will come along and say something horrible to me that makes me feel like I want to sink into the ground. I've actually had people tell me that I'm "not pretty enough" and that I'm "not thin enough"--and that just ruins my day. But, I worry that I am *that* hideous in the eyes of the world and that's a shitty feeling.

On to better things for us all I hope. :)

[SparkleScamp]

Frangi and Leina:

I had completely blocked this out from my memory and was surprised when I read it in my journal. When I was 22 and really fat, people used to yell things at me. Like I was holding a bag of potato chips in the store and this tiny girl, not 3, yelled out, "YOU BIG FAT PIG!" I was so ashamed that I dropped the chips.

Then there was a security guard at school. She was no stick figure herself. As I walked by she yelled, "Hey fatty! Look at the fatty!"

One thing I haven't forgotten is my boyfriend's best friend calling me fat...yes I was fat, but it hurt. We are friends now but just because of that one comment we will never be GOOD friends.

I have seriously talked myself into believing that NO ONE would ever say those kinds of things to my face. But they did.

In society, it's not okay to be prejudiced against somebody based on race or disabilities but it's "OKAY" to invade all kinds of boundaries based on size.

It's so hard to say that what other people think doesn't matter. Because it does, and it HURTS when they say those things. I don't have any high-minded words of advice to get around that!

But what I've realized is that those people have their own agendas. They have low self esteem. They take it out on others. They are the type to tell somebody off if they can get away with it, like if they have a bad day they take it out on the counter girl at McDonalds because she can't fight back.

(I know I've said this before.)

So what if we ARE fat? There's no denying that some of us weigh more than others. We are also smart, funny, talented, caring, warm-hearted, sexy and BEAUTIFUL. Our bodies are soft and warm.

I am 160 pounds. I am 30 pounds overweight. I have a 29 inch waist. Those are just NUMBERS. Other people's opinions don't change the numbers OR the woman I am!

They can say I'm fat, or that I have thin hair, or wear glasses, or have raggedy fingernails and all those things are true.

SO WHAT?????

The only thing that matters is the VALUE we place on those opinions. When somebody calls you fat, does it mean:

I'm fat = I'm worthless, disgusting, have no self control, am a pig, don't deserve to live.

or

I'm fat = I carry more bodyfat than what is considered by society as ideal for my height.

Do you see the additional baggage in the former? Whereas if you believe the latter, "I'm fat" can't hurt you. It's just a medical statement of fact. It doesn't mean bad things about your personality.

Self-esteem does not happen overnight. It took me a year and a half of active recovery in OA to reach this point and I still feel lonely, confused, and sometimes doubtful of myself. But I believe I have come a long way.

Consider widening your circle of interests. Find out what you love to do and do it. You're good at something. You have a talent. Don't waste it. When you KNOW you're good at something, it doesn't matter as much what you look like.

((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))

Chris

;o

[whirlygirl]

Chris - can I just say this? YOU ARE NOT FAT. You might have more weight left to lose, but I dunno, a size 12 is not fat.

I am a size 12 also and I honestly don't think of myself as fat. Yeah, I got a little extra padding here and there, and yeah, I wanna get rid of it, but it's not THAT bad.

And to anyone who's been made fun of because they're overweight, no matter WHAT size they are...I am sickened by that. I have had this happen to me a few times in my life, but I could probably count them on one hand, and it was always insensitive family members. I can't in a million years imagine going up to someone and commenting on their weight.

Anyway, everyone here is beautiful, no matter what size they are. You are all great. And wanting to lose weight is a noble cause, do it for your health, do it to feel better, but know that you all already look great. Cause you do. All of you. :e

[SparkleScamp]

Of course you can say it sheesh! :e :e

I have so recently gotten down to this weight that it's hard for me to say how I feel about myself. I still see that sad lonely size 20 girl in the mirror. Yes I was a fat girl because I ACTED like a fat girl. But I lead a very active lifestyle, I wear pants and skimpy clothes, I can run...I don't think of myself as a "fat person" anymore.

What I was trying to say is that there are those who might say that I am fat. And technically, since I am over what I consider my ideal weight, they would be right. But it DOESN'T MATTER TO ME WHAT THEY THINK anymore.

There are guys (not all of them granted) who will look at a girl who is 15 pounds overweight and make all kinds of snide comments about how big her ass is and how she would be "hot" if only she would lose a few pounds. I know because I hear it all day long. Doesn't matter how beautiful she is, to them she is FAT. Whose reality is that??? Not hers. It's the guy who is so insecure about himself that he can't accept anything less than perfect (after all then it's never his fault that his relationships don't work out, it's HERS because if only she were ____ everything would be wonderful. It's not his fault he can't find a girlfriend because there is no one perfect enough for him. He never has to face his own shortcomings. Oh excuse me where was I? ;s )

Ahem, little tangent there. If a person is a hundred pounds overweight then most people would say she is FAT. Well, maybe she IS fat. So what? That doesn't make her worthless or stupid. It's just a fact.

Starting to repeat myself so I'll stop now...I hope I'm making clear what I want to say here!

Love,

Chris

[whirlygirl]

Chris, I just wanna smack those hypercritical people, who by the way tend to not be any better (if not worse) than the people they are criticizing.

I've noticed in my own life that it hardly ever registers with me that a person is overweight, unless I don't like them. Even a good friend of mine who is *extremely* overweight, I forget about it most of the time when I am hanging out with him...I will notice it from time to time when it makes him out of breath just to get into his car, but it really isn't an issue with me. However, if I know someone who is a big jerk to me or others, I am likely to think nasty fat-person thoughts in my head (although I would still NEVER say any of these out loud). Does that make any sense, or does it make me sound like an awful person? If I don't know the person and just randomly see them, I tend to take it as just part of their appearance and don't categorize it as good OR bad. *shrug*

[frangipanigirl]

Chris--you're so smart! Honestly you're right--somebody may be fat (by acceptable body weight standards) but SO WHAT if they are???!!!!

It's insane when I think of all the assumptions that people make about others based on the dumbest things--like weight, hair colour (I'm blond and so I've definitely been targeted for that!), whether they wear glasses. It's absurd, but so many people are stupid enough to do it every day. Imagine how much smarter the population would be if everyone dropped these stupid and baseless assumptions and actually sought concrete information about people before making judgements about them. I hate it when people call overweight people 'pigs' or 'lazy' especially--what the hell should allow them to deduce that someone is lazy and doesn't do anything just because they are larger in size??????? Overweight people do the same thing that people who are not overweight do--go to school, work, hang out with friends and family, take up recreation activities, listen to music, go on trips. Yet, people make these ridiculous assumptions about their daily lives based on the size of some stranger's body. Frustrating and so hard to deal with. :s

It's really struck me here that we're talking about weight issues and being 'fat' and I'm hearing people say their sizes and weights and in truth.........I don't see those sizes and weights as 'fat'. I'm not being critical of anyone's opinion of themselves (heck, I don't know anyone here), and I understand because I'm actually, in truth, not even overweight according to health standards. I'm overweight according to societal standards of beauty--those pesky Hollywood standards. People have told me I need to lose weight--and it can't be because they're concerned about my health. No, I don't look like Kate Moss--but really don't want to. I also don't want those assholes telling me all the time that I *should* at least try.

Just last night my boyfriend and I went to visit a couple that we're friends with. We hadn't seen them in a few months and as it turned out the woman (she's 24 too) had put on some weight. When we left my boyfriend commented to me about her being 'chubby' and laughed that if I came close to hitting that point he'd let me know. It was 2 am and I didn't feel like getting into it with him about what he said--but I was pissed. It just feels like people are always setting these appearance standards for me and then attacking me when I don't achieve them.

Chris: You're right, self esteem can take forever to build. I feel like I won't have any until I'm 50. :g

[SparkleScamp]

How grateful I am for Cyberspace which allows people who would otherwise never meet (us) to talk about these things!

Please check out these threads, which relate to what we're talking about:

Discussion! Fat acceptance in society (http://www.atforumz.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=34819)

and

The Stop Starvation Imagery thread (http://www.atforumz.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=39483)

both of which link back to discussions in OIT which were "hot topics."

Whirly...I can't honestly say that the weight of others totally doesn't matter to me (see the fat acceptance thread) because if a person is 300+ pounds, for example, I think they SHOULD take steps to do something about it. Maybe it's not their fault but compulsive eating is a disease and it's wrong not to seek a cure. It's like somebody with cancer dying because they refuse treatment: yes I would feel sorry for the person, but basically it's their own fault.

I believe that overweight is caused by an imbalance in the body. Correct the imbalance, you cure the symptom, which is excess weight. The imbalance is almost ALWAYS caused by refined sugar...but that is a subject for another post.

But (and probably this is a hypocritical double standard on my part) it infuriates me to hear people making rude comments about girls who are a little overweight and "almost pretty," like they are pieces of meat. Like it's such a shame they're not PERFECT. Healthy people come in different sizes. Like say for example (totally hypothetical of course) if a man said he would DEFINITELY leave his theoretical wife if she got too fat, which he would define as 15 pounds overweight on a small-framed woman. Suppose he also said that he was glad that things didn't work out between himself and the woman he might have married, because he has heard that she is now 160 pounds and "DISGUSTINGLY FAT." Now say this same person is 20 (by his standards) to 50 (by government standards) overweight himself. THAT MAKES ME FURIOUS.

Okay...obviously I'm a little too emotional about this subject. ;) Why am I so furious? Because by HIS standards, that makes me DISGUSTINGLY FAT too. That makes me feel unworthy as a person, a woman and a sexual human being. My anger is really hurt and INSECURITY. Somewhere along the line I realized that those were his standards and if there is a problem, the problem is his inability to sustain a relationship, not my weight. His opinion doesn't speak VOLUMES to me about his character, but it doesn't affect MINE.

You know what, I feel better already!!!

Frangi I see you opening up and having more of a "voice" in this last post than in your previous ones. I don't think you are so far from having that self-esteem you talk about lacking. When I said a long time I didn't mean 25 years! :s With ACTIVELY working on these issues (for me, a 12-step program greatly helped, you may seek out OA or another support group in your area, or consider therapy) you can make progress, not overnight, but in a reasonable time. The key is group support. This online group support is great but talking to "real people" HAHAHA makes a big difference. There are so many people who DO understand what you are going through.

Yes, people will always make assumptions about others. There will always be people who don't want to have anything to do with Niggers, Spics, Japs, OR fat disgusting pig lazy no good SLOBS. As long as it doesn't affect you....SO WHAT? There will never be tolerance and open-mindedness in the world in general...but we can do our best to shine a little light on our own little corners of the universe.

Warmest aloha,

Chris

;o

[Leina Rose]

When I was like in the fourth grade, I never really thought of myself as chubby or fat until this one day at my mom's company picnic. I waited in line to ride a donkey, and when I got to the front, the person in charge told me I was too fat to ride a donkey. Then, my mom didn't do much to comfort me, she said something like, "He's right, you are fat." (I still get all sobby whenever I remember that.)

And then I started noticing that my classmates were making remarks about my butt.... Then I just started noticing way too many things. Like my mom remarked to my pediatrician that I was fat, even though he thought I was at an okay weight. I was 4'11" and 135 lbs. when I was in the fifth grade.

As you can tell, my bad self-esteem stems from how my mom hounded my sis and me for being overweight. But now, I'm just coping....and getting sick pleasure over how my mom has put on twenty pounds in the last two years. Karma's a bitch.

5x5,
Leina