me and my randomness

[Prisonberry]

Okay I have been officially boyfriedless for two days now. I feel good about this but memories are coming back to me. for one thing I miss the little things, him calling on his lunch break, and I had this online diary where I would write to him and he would read and leave notes sometimes. I miss having somewhere to go. I used to be able to just go to his place and be all alone while he was at work and now I can't do that. I miss how I felt when I first met him. but I don't miss him, I miss the idea of him. Which leads me to my next point. This was my first serious relationship, I mean there were plans of moving in together and marriage. Before I met him, I dated next to never. When I broke up with him, I said to myself that it is better to be alone then to be with him. But now in the light of being alone and reading my old diaries, I wonder. This is not a cassie is going back to him thread. I won't do that, I am just saying how I feel. I feel like I am going to be in that sad place I was before and it is probably better than the frustration and the hurt I have been going through but I just feel like I am going to be alone for a really long time again...like I was before and it's scary. What if I never find the person for me?

okay just me freaking out. Thanks for reading!

[Delicate Sun]

<font color="ff00ff">Hello. I'm not sure if you wanted a reply so I 'm hoping that you won't mind me responding to your ramblings.

When I broke up with my ex, I missed several things we did together. Oh Gawd he was an a$$hole, but these were things that we did together.

I realized something. He/I/We....were a habit. I missed the routine and comfortable feeling of that routine. Like a person missing their cigarettes after quiting. But nonetheless, most habits of any kind are good.

I'm a shy person and the thought of being with someone new that accepts my good and bad was scary. But I did, and you will too.

Best wishes and speedy recovery to you.</font>

[livingdeadgirl]

believe me, you'll get over this. go out and have fun!!! :e

[Prisonberry]

Thank you both! It is part habit and I know once my friend moves out here in September I am going to have so much fun I won't even think about it. Sooner than that I will be in summer school so ya know I know I will be busy meeting people and doing things but I am so damn shy...that is my biggest problem...I hide from people far too much...

[Prisonberry]

Venting


my ex-boyfriend came online last night and told me he doesn't want us to be broken up. He misses me and he wants to just take a break from each other. I wish he could let go of me. I don't want to hurt him but I really think he and I are over. I don't know it is just stressful and I am too careful of other's feelings even when I am hurting because of it....I am trying to stay strong and be positive and just do my own thing but it is hard because I still want to protect him and I can't do that anymore. *sigh*

[MartianHousecat]

I wish I had some experienced wisdom to dispense here, but I'm still in my first major relationship :) I do know that when I broke up with my other boyfreinds I missed our shared habits, but eventually those memories became faded.

Well anyway, you don't need to try to stay strong, you are strong. I hope the situation improves... stay beautiful you, everything else falls into place after that.

[Prisonberry]

Thank you so much MartianHousecat! You have helped me a lot!
Cassie

[Apsara]

sending you telepathic hugs
:) Julie :)

[Prisonberry]

Thanks Julie! :)

[MartianHousecat]

I AM teddy bear comfort girl :)

[livingdeadgirl]

if you know that you're over then don't let him draw you back in. i had an ex that didn't want it to be over so i figured that we could talk and still hang out.....until one day he hit the edge....he still had the key to my house (my mistake) and came in with a gun. he wrote a suicide letter and called me on my cell phone to tell me he was going to kill himself in my living room.....