quake3 online: Chatfraggers and Own team fraggers

[The Quiet Storm]

They are a bunch of (insert a swearword)!
I love to play quake 3 online -team death match-, and have a favorite server to play it on.. but on every server so now and then a bunch of (insert swearword) will come and 'play' they join either red or blue.

for example. red is leading and they joined blue -so they are in the losing team- they will join red just to frag the red team. or let themself jump off which takes a point away from the team.

Its annoying.

And than you have chatfraggers, the general rule is: don't frag someone who is typing something (you will see this nice blue bubbly speech thingy above their heads) sometimes it happens that that person is in the way, and you will say sorry.

but there are people who just chat every 'typing' person just to boost their team's score..


its annoying.. people like that should be smacked around the head.

/end rant

[Jump]

That game's pretty much fight fire with fire. If someone starts fragging your own team by suiciding, then you gotta go do it to their team.

I still get a kick out of the original Team Fortress even though it's all played with the Half Life engine now instead of Quake 1... which reminds me, I got Counterstrike for my birthday last year and I still haven't really tried it

[Forgiveness]

Introduction
My name is Lamer-1... it has taken me 40 years of my life and millions of dollars to reach my full potential, this collection: The Secret QuakeII Strategy Notes of Lamer-1! These notes are not to be viewed by any unworthy minds. If you are ready to accept these notes, and become the most lethal killing machine the world has ever seen... impervious to rockets, more powerful than a quadded power-armored BFG whore, and able to achieve the fabled 137 frags/minute... then please continue. The knowledge contained in these pages is henceforth known as the "Dark Arts", because it will allow you to wallop your opponent so bad that you may risk losing your friendship over their jealousy of your M4D AZZ l337 QV4K3 5K1LLZ!!!!! But screw them, you don't need friends... all you need in life is QuakeII.


Page 1
The first thing we must cover is aiming. Think you can get live off "lucky shots"? Think again dumbass! It's actually very easy to hit someone, if you know the secret! And the secret is... Put the + (the thingy in the middle of your screen) on the other guy before you shoot! That's it! It's as easy to do as a cheap prostitute! But even so, 97% of Quakers don't know what "crosshairs" are, or if they do they don't know how to turn it on! Some l4M3rZ are so dumb they get mad because "that dumb plus sign is getting in the way of all my shots!!" Some people are really stupid, they're not as l33t as you or me. As you can see in the diagram (figure 1), the player should only fire in the lower-right situation. DO NOT fire AT ALL in ANY of the OTHER situations, ESPECIALLY the LOWER-LEFT one, because you'll only miss and give away your position. Stealth is important, remember that.



Page 2
One of the necessary skills you must master if you are to become a l33t QV4K3r d00d is the sacred art of Circle Strafing! By strafing in a circular pattern around your opponent, you not only confuse the hell out of them, but you also become virtually impossible to hit! Because most l4M3rZ don't know how to lead their targets, they can shoot at you all day and never hit a thing but the walls. But How do I circle strafe? you ask? Simple... assuming you start out in front of your opponent, begin my strafing to the left. When you reach the area to your left, fake a strafe to the left and then move to the right! After a few seconds, fake a strafe to the right and strafe left again. When you're done, FAKE a FAKE to the right and continue moving left!!!!!! Then FAKE A FAKE OF A FAKED FAKE TO THE FAKE right, but actually move to the FAKE LEFT!!!! And of course, this whole time you should be firing rockets at your dizzy opponent. Muaahahahaaahhh!!

Page 3
Rocket jumping is a surprisingly effective tactic in a deathmatch. This diagram (figure 1.0) shows a step-by-step procedure for a picture-perfect rocket jump... Well, there were some difficulties with the pictures, but for the most part its correct. As it shows, you should hold your rocket launcher out in front of you and smile as you run forward with your tiny, stick-like legs. Then jump up in the air and yell "Huuuraaghh!" as loud as you can. Point your rocket launcher down and shoot it, it should go "BOOM!". Hopefully you'll go flying up in the air, go ahead and go "wheee..." as you fly. When you get higher, start doing backflips and turn upside-down while screaming "AAAAAAAAAAA!!!" After you've reached the peak of flight and you start falling again, drop your rocket launcher and continue screaming like a little girl. When you hit the ground, try to have your head hit first so it pops with a "Gloosh!" sound. The rest of your body will follow and go "Spooshieeya!!" as it bursts open. Then, somehow your body explodes and goes "Shkleraagghlguk!!" This concludes your successful rocket jump.



Page 4
Respawn camping is not a venture to be taken lightly. It not only requires intense concentration on your part, but also a special kinship between you and your weapon. If you wish to respawn camp, you but become one with your weapon... not a task to be taken lightly. Envision your Railgun or Rocket Launcher as an extension of your own body, and only then can you achieve complete Zen with the respawn area. When your mind is quiet, you can ask the respawn pad for a new player, and it will deliver. Seriously! You must be strong so as not to crack from the intense pressure. Clear your mind of all concious thoughts... What's the sound of one hand clapping? If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around, does it make a sound? How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Be strong, my son... and the light will guide you.


lol (post #3)

Page 5
You may not know this, but mathematics plays an integral part of ***** II. Take for example the situation in which your opponent is running in a perpindicular path to your location. As everyone knows, a player runs at 200 units/sec and a rocket flies at 650 units/sec. Assuming then that time is relative, let t=time and x=the angle in degrees between a direct line to your opponent and the path of the rocket. If the player and rocket are to collide, then 200(t) = 650(t)(sin x). Naturally you divide each side by t, and it so follows that 200=650(sin x), which obviously becomes 200/650=(sin x)=.3077. Logically, you take the inverse sin of .3077, and as any child knows the answer to that is 17.92 degrees. Easy as pie! So, what does this mean? If you fire your rocket 17.92 degrees from a direct line to your opponent in the direction he's headed, and he continues running perpindicular to you, the rocket will hit him. Easy, huh? I knew I would find a use for trigonometry someday!



Page 6
Killing others players is one of the small bits of QuakeII that you don't really notice at first. Usually only the most advanced players have the skills to successfully kill another player. When a newbie plays the game, he doesn't know the psychology behind killing others, thus he is unable to accomplish it. But as seen in this diagram (figure A), killing your opponent is fairly easy. As you can see, there are 9 steps in the process, and each step must be completed before you move on to the next one. Ohh sure, it starts off easy, but many people think they can blaze through the steps and then suddenly they're in over their head! Up the creek without a paddle! They paint themself into a corner! Yessir, they colored outside the lines! Hmm, where was I...? As you can see, the first 4 steps are merely preparation, but the next 5 steps are nonstop pain-inducing slaughterfests! Whatever you do, don't proceed through step 4 and then quit... you'll only make things worse.

(post #4)

Page 7
Perception is a very important skill to have while playing QuakeII. The ability to quickly spot an enemy and attack before he can react is a strong tactic that will get you far. To test your perception, take this challenge: how fast can you find the ***** guy (your opponent) in the picture on the left? Ready... go!!
If it took you under 30 seconds, congratulations, your perception is good! 30 seconds to 3 minutes is satisfactory, but any longer than 3 minutes and your perception needs improvement. To sharpen your perception, repeat this excercise a few times a day. The ***** guy will always be in a random location so you should build up your skills quickly. Remember that identifying friend from foe (in a team game) is heavily related to perception, so if you run a clan you should consider showing this excercise to your clan members. Boot anyone that sucks, and someday your clan may be as l33t as the l3M3rK4tZ!! r0x 0n d00d!!!



Conclusion
That's it, you've reached the end of The Secret QuakeII Strategy Notes of Lamer-1! Just like the ancient art of Karate, you learn this skill so you need never use it. Good luck... and remember, you can read this guide a second time to double your QuakeII skills! No one has ever made it past the 3rd time though...
Be on the lookout for The Secret QuakeII Strategy Notes of Lamer-1: Volume II, and The Secret QuakeII Strategy Notes of Lamer-1: The Movie! If you'd like an autographed special edition of The Secret QuakeII Strategy Notes of Lamer-1 with enhanced THX surround sound, please e-mail $39.95 to The Secret QuakeII Strategy Notes of Lamer-1 Special Autographed Edition Offer for a limited time only! Cash only please.

Thank you, come again.