things falling apart...

pelegurl · 09-27-2000, 10:49 AM

i am the most depressed i have ever been in my life. hopefully i will get to go home today.
5 years with him. and last night it's over. he's having a crisis with himself and needs to get things straight. he didn't want to drag me into it with him so he said he HAS to break things off with me to help himself so he can be better to me.

he said he WILL be back with me because he loves me and wants to marry and have a house and family one day, but he said that won't happen if he goes crazy.

well i am going crazy. i miss him terribly and wish he wuld get things figured out. i want to be with him more than i have ever wanted anything in my life.

i don't know how long it will take tho. and i will try to support him on this.

i just really need to see my mother. she's the only person who can make me feel better.

twin-peekaboo · 09-27-2000, 10:53 AM

hang in there sweetie... and make sure that you take lots of time for you. do things that make you feel positive... and don't be afraid to spend some time crying and missing him. but if this is what he has to do, then this is what he has to do... stand by him. but make sure that you are taking care of your needs as well....

xoxo, sara b

dozey · 09-27-2000, 11:02 AM

He sounds like a good man though. He let you know what's going on with him and has been good and upfront with you. Good luck to you sweetheart, I hope it all works out.

Snow White · 09-27-2000, 11:14 AM

<font color=purple>The best of luck, sweetie. This sounds like one of those situations that you just have to wait out. "It will all find its way in time..."

Rhiannon · 09-27-2000, 11:24 AM

breath

Unfortunately Tera, this is something I know a lot about. You know I've spent a lot of time, years even, hoping and waiting and holding my breath. It is hard. I'm sorry. But I know that he cannot imagine his life without you and this will come together again. Believe me, faith is very important in times like these.

Just breath, and try to keep busy. Don't think about it, as much as possible (I know that's easier said than done). And don't call him. Stay strong.

I empathize, I understand.

pelegurl · 09-27-2000, 01:36 PM

i love him soo much guys. it is killing me.
i just want everything to be alright. i want him to be telling me the truth when he says we will be together after he sorts thru things.

i just wish he wouldn't push me away.

Residue · 09-27-2000, 02:07 PM

Want a male's point of view? Yes? Okay.

Five years is a long time. He obviously loves you. I can't say what he is thinking and wouldn't even want to. But I've had this experience in the past....

There are times we wonder...."WTF am I doing?" it could have little to do with your relationship....but we care so much we don't want to hurt the one we love.

Give him the space and let him get through his personal problems. Let him know up front that you care and that you will not bother him....and don't bother him. But let him know that, otherwise he might think..."why doesn't she call."

A person can't miss someone if they haven't gone away. Make any sense?

pelegurl · 09-27-2000, 02:13 PM

he is supposed to call me tonite and come by and see me for a bit on thursday...
but i am going to go away. i am going to go home which is 3 hours away from here.

he can call there if he wants, but he isn't going to drive that far.
i want him to miss me. i want him to say "i'm sorry i miss you too much".

he says in time we will be the happiest we have ever been. i hope that's true. i just don't want to be broken up for good.

he still told me he loves a lot of times and was trying to get our spirits up. maybe these 4 days away from here will give him time to think.

Residue · 09-27-2000, 02:22 PM

And the saying

"you never know what you have until it's gone" holds so much truth.

pelegurl · 09-27-2000, 02:26 PM

for him, yes. for me, no.
i KNEW what i had. and i loved what i had. what i had was the world to me.

and i want the world back.

pelegurl · 09-28-2000, 12:58 AM

this is definately killing me. i am already losing weight. i love him sooo much. i want to be with him more than anything in the world. i want to spend my whole life with him. all i want to do is be in his arms right now. i have been with him since i was 15. now i'm almost 21. i feel sooooo depressed now. i don't know what to do.

i am home now. i feel better being here around my family and not in my little dorm room. i am going crazy guys. i really mean it.

Awake · 09-28-2000, 07:01 AM

From what I can tell, he's being pretty straight with you. He has some issues that he needs to work through, but he has gone out of his way to stress that he still loves you, that he still wants to be with you, and that he will be back as soon as he can be. Hell, he's probably posting to whatever proverbial forum he posts on saying exactly the things you're saying right now. The situation seems to be that he is keeping something from you; but from experience, I can tell you that sometimes, when people are in the middle of sorting through somthing, it's very hard to explain to someone else what's going on. I have no doubt in my mind that when he comes back to you, if you really want to know, he will explain. I think he's just doing his best to isolate you from the emotional trauma of your having to go through whatever it is with him. Now, maybe he's misguided in that; but the fact seems to be that in his heart, he's making things harder for himself by pushing you away because he believes that's what's best for you. I think that's a wonderfully loving thing to do, however much it hurts right now.

I hope that you'll find some sort of solace with your parents; because I know that even if we could convince you that this may be for the best, and even if you know and believed that in your heart, it wouldn't make it any easier to endsure the pain that you're inevitably going to have in the next few weeks. It always sucks to be told that something will get better in time; but this is not the end of your relationship - it's just an intermission. And remember, as any theatre-goer will tell you, the second Act is ALWAYS better than the first.

I the meantime, I'm sure that (for once!) I speak for everyone on the dent in wishing you well for as long as it takes for him to sort things out and come back to you.

With best regards,
~Simon

pelegurl · 09-28-2000, 10:49 AM

thanks simon. that means a lot to me.
i wish i knew what it was. i know part of it. he is unhappy in raleigh (here i go to school and where he works). he doesn't like where he is living and he hates the town. he has a lot of bills that him and his roomie need to get current on and i don't know what else is bothering him.

i think he misses having a structured life back at home. who knows.

it just kills me that he told me "you can't help me right now". i am helpless. and i feel jerked around..like he expects to come back to me with no problems. i support him, but at the same time there is some resentment. he wants to still talk to me and see me, but not as much. it will be wierd. i will want things to happen and he will stop them. makes me feel like i am disgusting to him or something.

if he only REALLY knew what this is doing to me..he would change his mind. i don't see why he couldn't still be with me and me just gie him some space. i can easily do that.

Awake · 09-28-2000, 11:01 AM

Well, I know this'll sound really dumb, maybe; but have you actually told him that? He has so much on his plate by the sound of it; and y'know, us men...We're not that bright at the best of times, never mind when under pressure.

Sometimes you really do need to spell it out for us, so if you haven't told him that, then maybe you shoulld, if he still wants to be talking to you.

Then again, the difficulties that you highlight...To be fair, I don't think that they're things that you can help with. You're still at school, so you can't help him pay off his bills. If they're financial problems, then it may just be that he wants more time free to go out working or looking for a new job, if he hates his current one. I don't know how much time you spend with him "normally" though, so that one's quite hard to call.

Maybe he just feels that he needs his space; but if you've been together for five years, I'd be somewhat sceptical about that. Still, if that's what he wants, give him a week and then have a chat, see how he is, and if things are slightly less upon him, as I said before, tell him how you feel, and try to get to the bottom of things.

~Simon

pelegurl · 09-28-2000, 11:18 AM

he said he had to do it..and he is about to go crazy if he doesn't find out what is wrong.
i told him everything i told you guys...except for the structured part..and he said that he can't be with me right now.

he told my roomie the same thing he told me, that he wants to be with me when he gets things sorted out, he just doesn't know how long it will take.

i don't know if he plans on this being permanant and just being too scared to tell me.

he still tells me he loves me and he said he always wants to be a part of my life because he cares about me too much. he said he cannot begin to tell me how much he loves me. he tells me 400 times a day and it still cannot convey it.

i am just at a loss. i want to be with him, he wants to be with me but he feels that he can't right now. i begged him please not to do this..and he said he has to and that he has never done anything so hard in his life.

maybe when i get back sunday he will have gone 5 days without seeing me or perhaps even talking to me. maybe he will miss me a lot. who knows.

i just want him back. i am miserable. i am wasting away.