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Old 06-25-2004, 07:41 AM   #1
Stargazer
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Default Having my Damita Jo moment.
So, the other day, I was watching "Blind Date" and getting hopped up on... er... life, so I decided to do what was natural: Hop over to my local CD shack and pick up a barely-used copy of "Damita Jo," the latest Janet Jackson effort. Surely enough, I found the album in the used bin with the cellophane still on it for a solid $4.99. Good enough for me, right Cyndi?! Right.

Anyhoo, I ripped off the cellophane and found the CD full of merriment. "Sexhibition." "Warmth." "Moist." "I Want You." "All Nite (Don't Stop)." The sentiment within the songs? "Relax, it's just sex." "Nothing can prepare you for the warmth of my mouth." "Spank that. I like that. Ooh yeah!"

So naturally, the album's been panned by critics and ignored by the world (especially in comparison to Ms. Jackson's past efforts), but I think we aren't accepting it for what it really is: A way of life. The Damita Jo way of life. She's not describing a single facet of her personality. Damita Jo is her Kabbalah, and its clitoris has swollen to the size of a large snail.

"Damita Jo" is Janet telling the world to get sexy sexy. We need to focus less time on the environment, our jobs, our family. We need to focus more time on grabbing our collective bizzoobies and getting bouncy bounce. Me included.

To do so, I bought a women's Puma track jacket on sale. The sleeves fit perfectly, but the jacket only went as far down as my mid-section. Perfect. I got some camouflage pants and wykkyd boots to go with. My regalia was hot.

Where to go? The local bowling alley. Flanked by groups of 15-year-olds out past curfew, my posse was in effect. Our bowling names? Moist. Climaxx. Crotch. As the PA blasted rap song after rap song about "Baby girl knock you up fuck child support payments," my entourage proceeded to get nas-tay. Getting a strike permitted me to hump the wood floor beneath my rented shoes for a good two minutes. Don't even ask me about straddling the tables and chairs.

The kids next to us thought it was funny to throw their balls in our lane when we weren't looking. After I caught one, I gave my crotch a good grab and rubbed my hand on each of their bowling balls before flipping them all off and screaming "PLAY WITH MY BALLS, BITCHES!" They looked shocked by my new Damita Joness.

If you are to learn anything by this post, it is that you shouldn't allow yourself to be pushed over by society, your clothes, what have you. Damita Jo your ass!
DXOXO
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Old 06-25-2004, 07:51 AM   #2
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Alex is a former nicest-forumzer-gone-totally-badassAlex is a former nicest-forumzer-gone-totally-badassAlex is a former nicest-forumzer-gone-totally-badassAlex is a former nicest-forumzer-gone-totally-badassAlex is a former nicest-forumzer-gone-totally-badassAlex is a former nicest-forumzer-gone-totally-badassAlex is a former nicest-forumzer-gone-totally-badassAlex is a former nicest-forumzer-gone-totally-badassAlex is a former nicest-forumzer-gone-totally-badassAlex is a former nicest-forumzer-gone-totally-badassAlex is a former nicest-forumzer-gone-totally-badass
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LMAO!!! Green dot for you!
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Old 06-25-2004, 08:18 AM   #3
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Wout is fucking Matt Damon.Wout is fucking Matt Damon.Wout is fucking Matt Damon.Wout is fucking Matt Damon.Wout is fucking Matt Damon.Wout is fucking Matt Damon.Wout is fucking Matt Damon.Wout is fucking Matt Damon.Wout is fucking Matt Damon.Wout is fucking Matt Damon.Wout is fucking Matt Damon.
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Old 06-25-2004, 09:42 AM   #4
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eednic awakens you, gailyeednic awakens you, gailyeednic awakens you, gailyeednic awakens you, gailyeednic awakens you, gailyeednic awakens you, gailyeednic awakens you, gailyeednic awakens you, gailyeednic awakens you, gailyeednic awakens you, gailyeednic awakens you, gaily
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W3rd to that shuga. *snaps*
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Old 06-25-2004, 12:18 PM   #5
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beKa had their memory card crushed by tongans.beKa had their memory card crushed by tongans.beKa had their memory card crushed by tongans.beKa had their memory card crushed by tongans.beKa had their memory card crushed by tongans.beKa had their memory card crushed by tongans.beKa had their memory card crushed by tongans.beKa had their memory card crushed by tongans.beKa had their memory card crushed by tongans.beKa had their memory card crushed by tongans.beKa had their memory card crushed by tongans.
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Our bowling names? Moist. Climaxx. Crotch

ahahaha!@#! Climaxx! "yo. mah name's Hymen and this is mah boy Dese. as in, Dese Nutz."
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Old 06-25-2004, 12:54 PM   #6
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green dots for you!
i was having a crappy morning, but i have to say that this just put a stupid grin on my face ...lol @ climaxx, though you should probably add an extra 'x' on there=)
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Old 06-25-2004, 12:58 PM   #7
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good medicine bought Y CUNT TORI READ on ebay for $1000.good medicine bought Y CUNT TORI READ on ebay for $1000.good medicine bought Y CUNT TORI READ on ebay for $1000.good medicine bought Y CUNT TORI READ on ebay for $1000.good medicine bought Y CUNT TORI READ on ebay for $1000.good medicine bought Y CUNT TORI READ on ebay for $1000.good medicine bought Y CUNT TORI READ on ebay for $1000.good medicine bought Y CUNT TORI READ on ebay for $1000.good medicine bought Y CUNT TORI READ on ebay for $1000.good medicine bought Y CUNT TORI READ on ebay for $1000.good medicine bought Y CUNT TORI READ on ebay for $1000.
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Has anyone heard the b-side, "Lookz @ My Teat"?
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Old 06-25-2004, 04:06 PM   #8
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BeulahLand had their memory card crushed by tongans.BeulahLand had their memory card crushed by tongans.BeulahLand had their memory card crushed by tongans.BeulahLand had their memory card crushed by tongans.BeulahLand had their memory card crushed by tongans.BeulahLand had their memory card crushed by tongans.BeulahLand had their memory card crushed by tongans.BeulahLand had their memory card crushed by tongans.BeulahLand had their memory card crushed by tongans.BeulahLand had their memory card crushed by tongans.BeulahLand had their memory card crushed by tongans.
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Hilarious!!!
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Old 06-25-2004, 05:03 PM   #9
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No Angel Came stomp, stomp, stomps.No Angel Came stomp, stomp, stomps.No Angel Came stomp, stomp, stomps.No Angel Came stomp, stomp, stomps.No Angel Came stomp, stomp, stomps.No Angel Came stomp, stomp, stomps.No Angel Came stomp, stomp, stomps.No Angel Came stomp, stomp, stomps.No Angel Came stomp, stomp, stomps.No Angel Came stomp, stomp, stomps.No Angel Came stomp, stomp, stomps.
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That was so creative and hiliarious. Kudos!
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Old 06-25-2004, 08:11 PM   #10
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classic
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Old 06-25-2004, 09:20 PM   #11
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Funniest.

Post.

Ever.

green dot luv in effect, y'all!
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Old 06-26-2004, 04:55 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stargazer
"Damita Jo" is Janet telling the world to get sexy sexy.
Wasn't that "Janet."? and "Velvet Rope"? and "All For You"? LOL!

Actually strike Velvet Rope. . it was over-sexed. . but oh so good

---------!

Jacob.
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Old 06-26-2004, 06:02 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lord_Rask_of_Trevdale
Wasn't that "Janet."? and "Velvet Rope"? and "All For You"? LOL!

Actually strike Velvet Rope. . it was over-sexed. . but oh so good

---------!

Jacob.
"Janet" had well-written songs about love, sex, and longing. None of it was too obscene. "Velvet Rope" had its dirty bits, but it also had songs about alienation, loss, and abuse. "Damita Jo" is just filthy. Everything's "pull over so I can blow you" or "my pussy's like a faucet that can't be turned off." Even the songs about simple subjects like crushes or dancing feature sexual yelps or lines like "Just have your way with me." It's being filthy for filth's sake.

And although I adore all of the attention that this post has received, I want to tell you all not to simply adore me. Ideally, I want to see all of you beautiful sexies pick up the Damita Jo train of thought and apply it to your lifestyle. When you answer your phone at work, add a little something extra. "Thanks for calling Barnes and Noble. This is Penny. Would you like to spank me? Ooh yeah. I know you want to. Mmmmm." If you're a weather forecaster, announce to Nebraska that "There's a 50% chance of rain in Lincoln, and currently there's a great deal of precipitation in my panties." It doesn't take much.

Need a reminder? WWDJD? Just think of Ms. Jackson and tweak your nipple. Go out there and LIVE, people!
DXOXO
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Old 06-26-2004, 06:16 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stargazer
"Thanks for calling Barnes and Noble. This is Tracy. Would you like to spank me? Ooh yeah. I know you want to. Mmmmm."


Awesome post, Babe!
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Old 06-26-2004, 06:22 AM   #15
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Rabbittmoon can fully appreciate the album without any font-based prejudices.Rabbittmoon can fully appreciate the album without any font-based prejudices.Rabbittmoon can fully appreciate the album without any font-based prejudices.Rabbittmoon can fully appreciate the album without any font-based prejudices.Rabbittmoon can fully appreciate the album without any font-based prejudices.Rabbittmoon can fully appreciate the album without any font-based prejudices.
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Thank you for that.

*Adopts Damita Jo way of life*

It was just what I needed!
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